Open to Hope Articles
Do you want to read stories of others who have been where you are? Are you looking for bereavement help, and advice? Look no further. We offer over 3,000 articles written by our Open to Hope authors.
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21-Year-Old Wonders How to Deal With Pain of Mother-Loss
September 22, 2008
Sally from California asks: I lost my mother two months back. I’m 21, the elder child and suddenly feel that my world has been turned upside down. I’m studying away from home and have blocked my grief out completely. But on the days it makes an appearance, the pain is unbearable. Will the pain ever reduce? Carol O’Dell, author of Mothering Mother, responds: Yes, the pain will subside, give it time. Lots of time. But also know that the grief you’re experiencing is absolutely normal. You lost your mom. You shouldn’t have lost your mom so soon. Your grief tells […]
Beginning Again After the Loss of Parents
September 22, 2008
By Pamela Gabbay — When I was 25 years old, I learned about life and death in the same month. At the beginning of July, I had my first child, a precious baby girl. By the end of July, my 49-year-old father was dead. He was a truck driver who fell asleep at the wheel of his truck in the middle of the night. He crashed and died instantly. When he died, my world crashed in. I walked around in a stupor trying to make sense of this new, foreign world. I didn’t know what to feel. I didn’t know […]
The Benefits of Laughter–A Caregiver’s Greatest Ally
September 17, 2008
My mom may have had Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s and a heart condition, but she could still say and do the craziest things. It’s okay to laugh. We have to. If we don’t, we’ll just dissolve into a puddle on the floor. Why is laughter so good for you? “The old saying that ‘laughter is the best medicine,’ definitely appears to be true when it comes to protecting your heart,” says Michael Miller, M.D., F.A.C.C., director of the Center for Preventive Cardiology at the University of Maryland Medical Center. “We don’t know yet why laughing protects the heart, but we know that […]
I Feel Like I’m Going Crazy! Mom/Dad Acted Fine at the Doctor’s Office
September 17, 2008
How can a person who doesn’t remember their own son or daughter, keeps their purse in the freezer and thinks that trees are talking to them act completely normal in front of a stranger? It’s called social convention abilities, or social response abilities, which means your loved one who you know has dementia/Alzheimer’s, can get their act ”together” in front of the doctor or some other person and talk or act fine. It can seem as if you’ve been tricked. Social convention means that all those years we’ve walked past someone and said, “Hello, how are you? I’m fine” are now hard-wired […]
I Think I’m Depressed: A Caregiver’s Deep-Dark Secret
September 11, 2008
I’m Carol D. O’Dell, and I hope you’ll check out my book, Mothering Mother: A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir, available on Amazon I Think I’m Depressed– Have you had this thought but couldn’t say it out loud? Caregiver depression doesn’t always look like depression. That means it can go undiagnosed for a very long time. Caregivers can’t (or don’t) stop. They don’t lock themselves in darkened bedrooms for days on end. They don’t necessarily cry or stop eating. They keep on caring for their loved ones. They suffer in silence. So, what does caregiver depression look like? It can be […]
“I Don’t Want to Live With my Adult Children!” Our Parent’s Perspective
September 8, 2008
If you’re a caregiver/son, daughter, please read this post. You need to put yourself in their shoes. But I don’t want to live with my adult children! Me neither. (And I wrote the book, Mothering Mother–and my mom lived with me the last (almost) three years of her life!) That’s my point–my mother lived on her own–with Parkinson’s and early dementia until she was 89 years old! We’ll all be in this predicament one day–if we live that long–so we need to be empathetic. My kids are grown, responsible, and we all love each other–and I still don’t relish the thought […]
Do You Feel Trapped by Caregiving?
September 2, 2008
If you’re a family caregiver, you can feel like you’re under house arrest for a crime you didn’t commit. It’s not that you don’t want to care for your loved one, it’s just that you didn’t realize it would wind up feeling like that’s all you do. If you’re not careful, resentments can mushroom. This season of caregiving–when you can no longer leave your loved one “home alone” can be a difficult adjustment for a caregiver–especially if you didn’t realize it was coming. Maybe you thought you had more time to prepare. For some, their loved one has dementia/Alzheimer’s and […]
Saying Goodbye to Dad
September 2, 2008
By Thomas Attig I remember my last visit before Dad died in 1969. Mom called me at graduate school to tell me that he was quite ill (he’d suffered a stroke four years earlier) and had been admitted to the hospital again. She made it clear that if I came, it would be my last visit. Though incredibly weak, Dad, as usual, was glad to see me. Our conversation was minimal. Quiet time predominated. He seemed surprised at my visit, since I had visited him at home not long before. Yet, he acted not so surprised. It was as if […]
Poems: In the Mirror and Two Rivers
July 22, 2008
Award-winning poet Pamela Papka Sexton touches on the experience of losing her mother (In the Mirror) and her father (Two Rivers). “The mirror doesn’t lie/She is closer than she seems,” Sexton writes of her mother. Of her father: “I look toward Round Top/and know he is there, stitched/in a tuxedo.”
