Open to Hope Articles
Do you want to read stories of others who have been where you are? Are you looking for bereavement help, and advice? Look no further. We offer over 3,000 articles written by our Open to Hope authors.
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Who Says Halloween’s Just For Kids? Easy Tips for Caregivers and Their Loved Ones to Enjoy the Fall Festivities
October 30, 2008
You’re never too old for Halloween. It’s a fun fall festivity that should continue long after our toddlers have flown the nest. Life brings many challenges–disease, financial difficulties–and the best way to counteract all this doom and gloom is with a boo! Our elders really get a kick out of Halloween. They love to see the kids dress up and enjoy handing out candy, or at least watching the parade of adorable angels, fairies, pirates, and ghosts walk by. So go to a little trouble. Why? You argue that you’ve got enough to do being mom or dad’s daughter/son–and caregiving? Because […]
Preparing for the Death of a Father
October 30, 2008
by Neil Chethik – Sigmund Freud called it the most poignant loss of his life. Sean Connery termed it a shattering blow. Norman Mailer likened it to having a hole in your tooth. It’s a pain that can never be filled. Each year, more than 1.5 million American boys and men lose their fathers to death. And like the three men mentioned above, most are unprepared. But preparation is possible. In the course of writing a book about father-loss, I asked 70 ordinary men what they did – or wish they’d done – to ready themselves for the […]
Caregivers: You Don’t Have to Like Your Mother to Love Her
October 28, 2008
Newsflash: You don’t have to like your mother to love her. This, for some of us is a relief. We feel like bad sons or bad daughters if every thing’s not warm and fuzzy, but caregiving isn’t about your emotional barometer reading for the day. It’s no coincidence that we start out tethered to our mothers. The umbilical cord is the first of many. It sustains us, feeds us, is a highway of blood. It’s tough too. I remember my husband cut our daughter’s umbilical cords and he said he really had to work at it. And after all our mother-daughter […]
‘Adult Orphans’ Need Not Lose Connection With Parents
October 23, 2008
By Annette Gonzalez — I am an adult orphan. I’m not anyone’s child anymore. Both my parents have died. There is no smooth transition from being a child in the family to becoming an orphan. One day you have parents and the next day you don’t. It’s quite a revelation to know that there is no one to approve or disapprove of your actions anymore. You are it! It is also hard to face that I now represent the older generation. I was the oldest child and the oldest grandchild in my family. I am now the oldest adult. It […]
Have You Taken Caregiving Too Far For Your Own Good?
October 17, 2008
I was recently at an event where a woman received the caregiver of the year award for her community. Her daughter wrote a lovely letter about all her mother did for her mother. The list started at about 5am and ended about midnight–with frequent middle of the night interruptions as well. The list went on and on. Daily baths, attention paid to her mother’s nails, lotions, pulling chin hairs…on and on and on. She got a standing ovation, but my heart ached for her. She was in her early 50s and looked in her late 70s. She was smiling but […]
What is Shock? What to Expect That First Month After a Loved One Dies
October 3, 2008
Losing a spouse, a parent, a child is devastating. But somehow, you will get through. As crazy, lost, alone, scattered, numb, and frantic as you feel in those first months, know that as hard as it is to believe, it won’t last forever. I know you don’t think you will ever get through this. But there’s this little thing called breathing. Your body does it whether you want it to or not. Your heart can be breaking, your gut wrenched, and you can feel as if you will truly lose your mind–and your body will continue to take its next […]
Caregiver, Are You Too Hard on Yourself?
September 30, 2008
If there’s one thing we could all use a little more of, it’s mercy. Caregivers are notoriously hard on themselves. I know, I was my own worst judge. Caregiving isn’t easy. It’s relentless, and you can’t get it all “right.” You can’t go on three hours sleep, physically lift another human being from the bed to a potty chair, dress them, feed them, give them their morning meds, load them in a car, drive them to the doctors, fight with the doctors, beg for proper treatment and medicine, head to the pharmacy (for them not to have what you need), […]
A Caregiver’s Challenge: Loving the Unlovable
September 25, 2008
Caregiver relationships are as complicated as everybody else’s. Caregiving isn’t always sweet and sentimental. What happens if you need to/are asked to care give someone who has hurt you deeply? I met a woman at a book club once and her face revealed her suffering. She shared that her husband had late stage Parkinson’s and she was basically housebound and caring for him 24/7. She looked beyond exhausted. She also shared that she probably should have left him years ago. Sometimes we stay–for the kids–for the security. Because we were too chicken to leave. Now it’s too late. We need […]
Dad Won’t Quit Pacing! What You Need to Know About Agitation and Alzheimer’s
September 25, 2008
Alzheimer’s usually strikes when someone is older–a time in their life when people typically slow down. Many Alzheimer’s live on the edge–always anxious, overly alert, agitated, and sometimes mean. A common sight in a memory disorder unit, facility, or center (they can be called different names) is to see a person walking and walking. Pacing like a caged cougar. They never sit. They have a wild look in their eye. Only when you see several Alzheimer’s/dementia/Lewy Body (a Parkinson’s form of dementia) all together do you realize that your loved one isn’t the only one who does this–that it must be the […]
