When our daughter died, all hope seemed to be erased from my body, mind and spirit.  Wherever I looked, whomever I spoke with, seemed to emphasize the despair I felt within and without. I truly believed that I was the ONLY person on the planet who had lost a child to suicide. Mother’s Day in 2005 was almost too much to bear. All I could think about was that I had lost my daughter forever.

I didn’t realize in those days that, here in the US, almost 500,000 parents experienced the death of a child or young adult every year.  I honestly felt that no one could possibly understand my personal dark night of the soul.  I was sure that I would never recover from the loss.

Now I realize that there is a tsunami of grief around the world.  I watch the news or hear of a friend’s loss and I remember the shock and sadness that washed over me years ago.  Today I experience deep empathy and compassion for anyone who is grieving, but especially for Mothers. I thank God that I’ve experienced the loving support of The Compassionate Friends and the benefit of grief-counseling. I discovered transpersonal journaling, which I used to find answers to the unfinished conversations with our daughter.

I even flew to the Holy Land to discover how mothers of all faiths healed their broken hearts.  I was particularly impressed with how Mary, the Mother of Jesus, continued helping everyone after she lost her only son.  Walking the streets of Jerusalem inspired me to do something very specific.

With no prior experience, I wrote a book about the help I received in healing my own grief.  Celestial Conversations:  Healing Relationships After Death became my gift to those who lost a loved-one before they could say good-bye.   Writing the book has brought me healing.  In addition, it has become my daughter’s legacy.

On this Mother’s Day I find myself remembering fondly the beauty of our daughter, as well as her own incredible mothering skills.  We were lucky enough to have her with us for almost 40 years.  While her death broke my heart, it also taught me that Mother-Daughter Love never dies. Cyndi inspires me to focus on filling each day with love.  In her honor I wake each day, asking the Good Lord, “Who can I help today?” You would be amazed how many “broken-hearts” I encounter on a daily basis who need my help. In Cyndi’s name, I have become Love in Action.

Lo Anne Mayer

Lo Anne Mayer, author of Celestial Conversations: Healing Relationships After Death, and co-founder of the International Grief Council, offers motivational talks, workshops, and retreats on transpersonal journaling. She resides in New Jersey but travels throughout the US to share her message of forgiveness and unconditional love. http://www.internationalgriefcouncil.org/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lb0BSUC-sn8

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