sudden death

I am writting hoping to get some help 4 month ago my son passed away suddenly at 29 years of age the dr had over prescibed his methodone i am having days when I cry as though I have been cut in half and not sleeping feeling like I dont want to be here anymore people say you have 2 other children but this doesnt ease ones grieve as I dont even know how to help them let alone myself some days I work work work until I drop then break down again all over I just cant except he isnt coming home I dread the nights and some days feel angry and dont mean to be like this having trouble eating and I costantly hear look at the weight you have lost dont you know my heart is broken I dont care anymore Is is like one is walking around with this mask on trying to please eveyone dont cry in front of people be strong please give me some hope I just dont know how to deal with this feel like I am losing my mind


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  • Debbie says:

    Hang on, Phil’s mum! I know sometimes it’s moment to moment. At first I felt like I was in quicksand. As soon as I would find somewhere to put my feet, the world around me would spin again, and I would have to struggle through the next moments. It’s been 3 1/2 years for me, and I can tell you it will get easier to bear. For now just try to be gentle with yourself. You will have to nurture yourself bit by bit. Do whatever you need to do for yourself and the rest of the world can take care of itself.

    Sending you hugs and hope.

  • Becky Dean says:

    I lost my son 8 years ago a day after his 19th birthday. I too have two other sons. I know your feelings concerning not helping with my grieve. I have come a long way since my son’s death but I didn’t get where I am today alone. Only by God’s grace am I where I am today. You must give it all to God and allow Him to heal you, only He can. I pray you know our great God and if you don’t, please find someone who can tell you about Him. Only He can heal the brokenness in your life. God Bless you!

  • Debbie says:

    Phil’s mum- Your letter has really struck a cord with me and taken me back to the beginning. I know it is truly awful – a nightmare you can’t wake up from. So I thought I would share some things I found that helped.
    • Give in to the grief instead of fighting it – cry, scream, wail, break things – whatever feels right, and you will feel better afterwards.
    • Listen to the archives of the Open to Hope radio show. Even if the topics aren’t exactly a fit, each one has a nugget of help and reminds us we are not alone.
    • Join Compassionate Friends. If there’s not a chapter near you, there are some things on-line.
    • Journal – for 2 1/2 years I woke early each day and wrote letters to my Angela for several hours, letting the tears flow as needed.
    • Ignore the hurtful comments other people make, realizing that they are trying to show they care but that they really don’t get it.
    • Read books that other bereaved parents have written. Especially helpful are the ones that contain inputs from multiple parents.

    I hope something in here will help. I’ll be thinking of you and Phil, and praying for you both.

  • phils mum says:

    Debbie thanks heaps had a realy bad day have read lots of books and I am keeping journal its just a real struggle wanting phil to walk in the door and give his mum a big cuddle

  • phils mum says:

    please could someone tell me today i received a call that my sons monument was completed and I feel like I am living it all over again from when i first heard he was gone the tears wont stop and I feel like I have been stabbed in the heart have others felt like this also or am I going mad

  • sissy says:

    Your not going mad. My loss wasnt my child but my other half. We were together 8 years and have two kids together. he died three days before thanksgivng, at home in our bed. our son and his cousin found him. He died drom an overprescription of morphine. He may not have been my son but i feel the same. Everything in our home tortures me because all i see is all the times he touched it. I have lost 30 pounds and our toddler girl is developing a very sever aversion to food and sleep. I cant even write about him, just thinking his name is enough to put me on my knees. What i did find helps me is legal action. I pour my rage into making someone answer for the lack of care he received. he was in his early thirties and healthy. There is no reason for our kids to be father-less. I hired a lawyer after having stuff looked at and after leaving his office i had this rush. an overwhelming feeling that i was doing what i should be. drs are much to free with the prescription pads, seeing our loved ones as walking kickbacks. Attacking that mindset is the only way i have found to breathe through the void in my chest and the ever present knot in my throat..

  • Debbie says:

    phils mum, you are not going mad. There are certain things that are so painful that it feels like the scab is being ripped off. If you can hang on, and lean into them, they WILL pass. Once you go through each one and allow yourself to feel as much as you can bear, then the next time will not be as bad. Over time these things lessen in intensity, are not as often, and don’t last as long. Sometimes we have to surrender to the pain in order to let it out. Afterwards, please try to find something that you can give yourself that would feel better (for me it was permission to sit with a cup of tea and just watch the clouds go by… not having to think, feel or do anything.
    Hugs, Debbie

  • phils mum says:

    thank you from my heart for your kind words havent been into the computer life is a battle phils mum