Death is the eternal mystery, a mystery that fills our souls with both awe and terror. The consequences of the death of one’s mother is not like any other ordeal in life. Daughters are often faced with resurrecting a new life without a road map, catapulted upon the ruins that remain, while enduring indescribable emotional pain. Based on my experience of my mother’s death, and the shared narratives with other daughters, I have spoken with, this journey is both courageous and terrifying.  You will regain your balance, but you will not be the same person. I have never surrendered my love for my mother or my yearning for her, and you do not have to either. It is a myth that during grief, you need to “let go” of her. There is great solace that can be gained by bringing your mother into your life. After an extensive, painful process of rediscovering who I could and would be without her physically present, I was able to create a life that includes her because her spirit is always with me.

After my mother passed away, I was brokenhearted. Soon after, I had a conversation with a daughter whose mother had passed away years earlier. At the time, I did not believe a word she said, but I now realize that what she told me was true. “Janet, although the gap in your heart will never completely heal, you will survive and flourish—but it will take time.” The time factor is notable because it took me years to feel whole again. Everyone’s grief is deeply personal, and no one can tell you how long it will take for you to not feel ripped with pain and anguish. Grief is not a one-size-fits-all prescription.

Grief is often a taboo topic, and many women in mourning are not only distraught but feel alone and disconnected.  I assure you that you will regain your stability. Constructing a life with meaning, that is psychologically sound, is empowering, especially when daughters feel abandoned and hopeless after their mother’s death. Your unique experiences of mother loss speak to the unwavering connection you have with your mother that crosses the spiritual realms and continues after death.  This eternal bond is boundless, infinite, and everlasting because it is the energy of love, and love cannot be destroyed or lost. Although her physical presence is removed, the bond between you can never be taken away. When I speak to skeptics, I often cite Dr. Albert Einstein’s theory that “energy cannot be created or destroyed; it can only be changed from one form to another.”  Love is the best example of these energies.

You cannot force any type of metaphysical connection to occur. They arrive when they arrive. However, they can occur through ritual, meditation, sacred ceremony, or even when you are doing mundane activities, such as walking, cooking, or gardening. These spiritual insights are a nes, which is a Hebrew word for a miracle. A nes can also be signs of a higher reality. I believe that there is a purpose to these insights to not only help us to heal but to transform our consciousness because they serve as a mystical initiation.

This sacred domain is beyond normal analysis because this realm is not in the “normal” range of our everyday lives. I have experienced visions of, excuse the words, “dead people”  including family members, friends, and clients’ loved ones. It was not out of the ordinary for me to see or hear them, and I wrestle with the fact that I have not “seen” her. But I have dreamt about her, felt her energies, and received what psychotherapist Carl Jung would describe as big dreams, or dreams that have qualities of authenticity that transcend normal dreaming. The messages I have received telepathically I have written down in countless journals, and the drawings I have created from my light visions never cease to amaze. Maybe that is how my mother chooses to communicate with me.

You may have experienced metaphysical connections with your mother—an image out of the corner of your eye, a song that is suddenly on the radio, lights switching off and on, or the smell of her fragrance. I wish I knew the exact mechanism for why or how this takes place, but I do not. However, these experiences validate that she is with you, and those magic moments are therapeutic. Although you may know people who dismiss supernatural phenomena because they have never had those experiences themselves, their beliefs do not negate the power of those experiences.

Your grief process provides opportunities for both emotional and spiritual growth, and inside of your pain, you can also find insight. You may receive messages from your mother when you least expect them. Trust that these communications are your grief wisdom. I am referring to the wisdom of telepathic impulses, inner promptings to go through a file of letters, drive to a memory-filled landscape, turn on the radio, or other urges. Your mother is part of this magical process. Let her lead you to take initial steps.

You may sense that everything in your life is “unright.” Everything in your life has changed after her departure and your belief that things are not as they should be is real. However, this truth is mutable. The “unright” feeling will fluctuate throughout your process of grief and will gain momentum, recede, and gain momentum again. Recognize that this is a process of commitment for you to honor those changes and feelings of uncertainty and certainty. It is part of the path of grief, and you will learn how to move through all of it.

From The Eternal Bond by Janet Lynn Roseman, PhD.  © 2025 by Janet Lynn Roseman, PhD. Used by permission from Llewellyn Worldwide, Ltd., www.Llewellyn.com.