Time Doesn’t Heal, But it Softens the Blow

By Sandy Fox

When a person talks about an important year in his/her life, or a news show on TV asks what you were doing on a particular date, I always think of my daughter, Marcy.

The year 1966, when she was born, is the most important. What was happening in the world then? Vietnam War. President Johnson. The Beatles. Twenty-five cent hamburgers.

I associate every year between 1966 and 1994 with Marcy and what she was about then. If the year is before 1966, it is “before Marcy was born.” If I’m told to think of the year 1984, I think: Marcy was graduating from high school. And 1988, yes, that too I remember: Marcy graduated from college and was anxious to start her life in the advertising world. If the year is 1997, yes, that was an important year because I retired from teaching; more importantly, Marcy was already dead three years by then.

Time has a way of passing very quickly, and we lose track of it. I remember when it was the tenth anniversary of Marcy’s death. I wondered how that could be. As far as I was concerned, it had all happened just yesterday…no, today. Today, I felt her body hugging mine as we said goodbye at the airport because, ironically, she had to go to a funeral in California. I felt her strong arms surround me, and I thought, “I made this beautiful, intelligent, vivacious woman.” What a wonderful life she was going to have! I could never guess it would be the last time I would ever touch her and that a week later she would be dead.

In a few weeks, it will be 15 years since she died, and I think of all the wonderful things she could have done with her life and her new husband: children, a career, traveling. She wished and hoped for so much, but it was not to be.

They say time heals. I say time makes the grief a little softer. It will never, never go away. Time allows you to eventually move forward with your life when you begin to understand you are a survivor of the worst possible thing that can ever happen to you.

Sandy Fox

More Articles Written by Sandy

Sandy Fox has won four finalist awards for her recent book "Creating a New Normal...After the Death of a Child" with over 80 coping articles and a huge resource section. One award is from USA Book News in the Health/Death and Dying Category for 2010. The second award is from ForeWord Reviews in the Health Category for 2010. The third is from Royal Dragonfly Book Awards. The most recent finalist award is for the self-help category of the 2011 Indie Book Awards. She is also the author of another grief book, "I Have No Intention of Saying Good-bye." “I Have No Intention of Saying Good-bye” tells the stories of 25 sets of parents and how they moved on with their lives after the death of their child, offering hope and survival techniques. Sandy has headed two national bereavement conferences for childless parents and spoken for many years at Compassionate Friends National conferences, POMC and across the U.S. to a variety of bereavement groups. She also writes articles for the Open to Hope site, EZ articles, and Journey through grief newsletter in addition to her own weekly blog: www.survivinggrief.blogspot.com. Sandy can be contacted at [email protected] to set up any speaking engagements or to ask any questions related to surviving the death of a child. Sandy was a guest on the radio show “Healing the Grieving Heart“ discussing: “I have no intention of Saying Good-Bye: Coping Techniques for the Now Childless.” To hear Sandy being interviewed on this show by Dr. Gloria & Dr. Heidi Horsley, click on the following link: www.voiceamericapd.com/health/010157/horsley010407.mp3

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