Since you left I have found myself in what can only be described as a pure tunnel of torment.
Sorrow has become my soul mate.
Pain a new companion.
Fear my unpredictable friend.
As for grief, I’m not sure what to make of it this very minute. It’s a menace, the imaginary gun to my head.
Life and living is compromised.
My brain is up to its old tricks. I search for your face on every street and scan the crowds.
A record of you exists. I have it on repeat. It plays on my mind.
The body surely speaks, for Mum’s is saying so much. She is a shadow of her former self. Grief has become her. She may not be eating, but grief is eating away at her. It has such an appetite. Nothing prepared me for your loss, and equally nothing has prepared me for mum’s reaction to it. It’s Unbelievable, and utterly unbearable. I want to help her but I fail every time.
As for matters of the heart: Mine has trapped and encapsulated all the love that I have for you, and all the love that you gave and showed to me. It is strong, like a vault. As long as it remains this way, I will have constant access to endless love.
I will remain forever connected