I feel like I have nothing left to give. I feel like everything has been taken from me. I don’t even know where or how to begin again. Everything and some days even everyone drains me. If this isn’t the bottom, I am afraid of what is.
The emptiness of grief. The feelings of grief. The death of a loved one. Inexplicably linked, painfully so. Some days, I feel overwhelming sadness, some days anger, even guilt. Some days disbelief. Some days all of them and then some days nothing at all. Our cup is empty. We have nothing to give, even to ourselves.
The death of our loved one has depleted us. Our world no longer makes sense. Nothing seems to matter. What does one do with an empty cup?
We cannot fill it with what was. Many of us spend time trying to do that until sooner or later we realize no matter how hard we try it’s not going to happen. When that happens we are faced with making a choice. Will we try filling it with something different or choose to live with an empty cup? Living with an empty cup leaves us living with an empty heart. Living with an empty cup does not honor our loved one. Living with an empty cup is a slow and painful death.
When we choose to honor the memory of our loved ones in positive ways, when we reach out our hand to others who are struggling too, when we learn a new hobby, or create something new, when we run a race, volunteer, take care of ourselves, we are filling our cup. There are so many ways of filling our cup. When I fill my cup, I know my loved ones smile and so do I.
Deb Kosmer 2011