The Situation

Businesses are accustomed to putting a price tag on lost productivity and increased insurance costs associated with conditions from diabetes to those from life problems including substance abuse and depression. For the first time, there is data available on the impact of grief in the workplace. The annual cost of grief from the death of a loved one is more than $37.5 billion.

The grief following the death of a child is intense, long-lasting and complex. It is perhaps the most devastating loss a parent may experience and poses unique challenges for you, the employer, who is concerned about assisting your grieving employee and helping then adjust to the demands of the work place when they are able to return to work.

There is help available. Let me introduce The Compassionate Friends and some guidelines and suggestions that are based on years of assisting bereaved parents find to compassion, understanding and hope following the death of their child.

Introducing The Compassionate Friends (TCF)

TCF is a mutual assistance, self-help support organization whose mission is to assist families in the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child and to provide information to help others be supportive. There are almost 600 local chapters throughout the United States including more than 20 in Georgia. TCF is open to all families who have experienced the death of a child from any cause and at any age. There are no dues or fees. There is no religious affiliation although chapters occasionally meet in donated local church facilities. TCF is totally funded by voluntary gifts by individuals, businesses and philanthropic communities.

Understanding the Grief Experience

Grief is a natural and normal human response to a loss of any type. It is a physical, emotional, spiritual and psychological response. Grief associated with the death of a loved one is a complex process, guided by our past experience, religious beliefs, socio-economic situation, physical health and cause of death. Love, anger, sadness, fear, frustration, loneliness, guilt and even denial are all part of grief.

It is important to understand that grief is not a sign of weakness or a lack of faith. Living with and through grief is never easy. Those who are actively grieving are caught in a web of pain, confusion and isolation. Those around the griever often express a sense of helplessness because they cannot “fix it” and frustration or annoyance if grieving “takes too long.” And yet grief, especially parental grief, lasts far longer than our society recognizes.

The same research that established the $37.5 billion productivity/accident costs also identified the following on-the-job experiences:

* Difficulty in making decisions
* Loss of concentration
* Disinterest in work-related details
* Frustration and irritability
* Depression and/or mood swings

Grief is not contained by time or place. Grief cannot be restricted to home. It goes to work, to school, to worship. So it follows that how well these organizations respond to the grieving people in their midst will either complicate or facilitate that grief. The sensitivity of people within the work environment, especially those in leadership, management or supervisory roles, has a profound effect on the recovery process.

Flexibility and support through organizational policies and procedures will help but you must walk the talk. The better you and you people respond, the more rapidly the bereaved parent will be able to manage their grief and the quicker the organization is able to return its complete focus to its mission. So we offer these suggestions and guidelines.

How an Employer can Help at the Time of Death

* Make co-workers aware of the situation as soon as possible

* Attend the funeral yourself and encourage others to do the same

* Offer to help by doing something specific such as providing food, running errands, making phone calls etc.

* Let employees know that a simple “I’m so sorry” to the bereaved person offers real comfort and support.

*Don’t be afraid of your own tears.

How an Employer can Help when Returning to Work

*Be interested, listen and communicate.

* Be flexible and work with employee on assignments. Don’t over task; do allow employee to indicate readiness for more responsibilities.

* There is no precise timetable for recovery but compassion and understanding will hasten the process.

* Make sure employee has information on EAP if there is one.

* Avoid saying “I know how you feel.” To most bereaved parents, it sounds presumptive.

* Don’t use clichés like “It was God’s will” in an attempt to explain the death.

* Judgments of any kind are inappropriate and cause more pain. Avoid sentences that start with “you should…. Or you shouldn’t.”

* Mention the name of the child who died. That may bring tears but they are good tears because someone cared enough to remember their child’s name.

* Don’t stifle your own emotions. Although you are in a position of authority, share your feelings and you and the company you represent will be perceived as caring.

Going the Extra Mile – The Lessons from Compassionate Employers

The last few years, TCF has recognized hundreds of employers with the Compassionate Employer Recognition Award. Recipients have come from the Fortune 500, mid-size and small businesses across the US. Non-Profits, Public and Private companies across the full spectrum of industries have been recognized. They were nominated by their own employees and meet and/or exceeded the following criteria:

1. Companies that supported your bereavement needs.

2. Companies that arranged for additional time off, beyond the familiar
three days.

3. Companies that provided support services and/or time off, e.g., to obtain
counseling or seek a support group like The Compassionate Friends.

4. Companies that demonstrated a general caring attitude.

5. Companies that showed flexibility in work assignments and evaluating
job performance.

6. Other acts of compassion.

A quick audit of your company’s potential performance against these criteria will give you a scorecard on your readiness to deal with tragedy. What you do with the results is up to you. We know that helping a grieving parent is well worth the effort. Company morale will be enhanced as other employees observe the way you handle this difficult situation. In addition, your support will create a special bond that will result in a more loyal, dedicated and productive employee

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Patrick T. Malone

Patrick T. Malone, a Senior Partner with The PAR Group www.thepargroup.com , has decades of experience in operations, customer service, and sales management. Before joining PAR as a senior consultant in 1989, Patrick worked in a variety of management roles including Vice President - National Sales Manager for American Greetings Corporation and The Scott Companies. As a key member of the PAR team, Patrick has trained and consulted throughout the world with a wide range of organizations including The American Cancer Society, Banfield-The Pet Hospital, Coca-Cola, Delta Air Lines, DuPont, Ft. Dodge Animal Health, Hewlett-Packard, International Securities Exchange, Novell, Sensient Technologies, Siemens Medical, SOLAE, The United Way, and Verizon Wireless. His work with PAR clients has taken him to Canada, Mexico, United Kingdom, Spain, Malaysia, Hong Kong, Brazil, Australia, France and China. A frequent speaker at industry, management and bereavement conferences, he has presented and spoken before the Mississippi VMA and the Delaware VMA; the Frontline Forum at American School of International Management; Argosy University; the business schools at Kennesaw State University and Georgia State University; The American Society of Training and Development; and the Colleges of Veterinary Medicine at Mississippi State University, Iowa State University, Louisiana State University, University of Florida, University of Minnesota, Tufts University, Compassionate Friends national and regional conferences. Patrick is the co-author of the new business book Cracking the Code to Leadership http://thepargroup.com/crackingCode.html Educated at John Carroll University, Patrick is a member of the CEO Action Group of the Metro Atlanta Chamber of Commerce, Small Business Growth Council, Legislative Committee and the Professional Services Executive Roundtable. He has also served as the National Board President of The Compassionate Friends (TCF), Inc., an international support group for bereaved parents and is a former Trustee of the TCF Foundation. He also serves as President of LMMA Inc. www.looktwicesavealifebumperstickers.com, a not-for-profit 501(c)3 corporation dedicated to motorcycle safety and awareness and is the host of the weekly radio show "This Week in Blairsville" Patrick served on the National Board of Compassionate Friends (TCF) from 1999-2005. He served as treasurer from 2000-2003, and was President of the TCF board from 2003-2005. Patrick and his wife Kathy reside in Atlanta, Georgia and are the parents of Bryan, Lance (1970-1995), Scott (1971), Sean and Erin(1974) and the grandparents of Shannah, Devin, Riley, Katie and Megan. Patrick may be contacted at ptm4936@aol.com Patrick appeared on the radio show Healing the Grieving Heart to discuss Grief in the Workplace. To listen to his interview with Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi Horsley, click on the following link: www.voiceamericapd.com/health/010157/horsley062305.mp3

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