by Sandy Fox

I often think of an afternoon stage production I attended with five friends because it confirms to me that my child lives on in other hearts as well as mine.

While waiting on line to get in to the production, I saw an old aquaintance whose chidren knew my daughter Marcy. The mother, Yetta, and her son Mark were there to see the production also. Mark’s wife wrote it and stars in it.

After saying hello to Yetta, I was introduced to her son. “Mark, this is Sandy Fox. Do you remember Sandy’s daughter, Marcy Finerman?” Before Mark’s mom could explain the circumstances now, Mark blurted out, “Yes,” he said, his eyes lighting up, “We went to grade school together, and how is Marcy doing?”

“She was killed in a car accident 15 years ago,” I answered. Yetta was very embarrassed, but Mark didn’t miss a beat. “I’m so sorry,” he said very sincerely. “Marcy and I were friends. I do remember her,” he said. “Yes,” I said to him, “I remember your name among her friends. I was looking at a 43-year-old man, the same age as Marcy would have been this year, but, of course, would have never recognized him. But Yetta had remembered Marcy from almost 30 years ago. With her reaction, she gave me a precious gift.

Her gift was just mentioning Marcy’s name. She didn’t have to. She was aware of what happened 15 years ago. Even though we had lost touch many years prior, she had heard the news and remembered it. Most bereaved parents want nothing more than for someone to acknowledge their child existed and is still remembered. Although I have nothing in common with Mark, the kindness on his face told me all I needed to know, and his mother’s words allowed me to talk comfortably, even if briefly, about her and the situation.

Marcy’s best friend Lynn always talks about her and Marcy’s time together, about places they went to, about things they did, about the hopes and dreams they both had for their future. I am very lucky to be close to Lynn and I know Lynn will always remember Marcy and not be afraid to talk about her, laugh with me and share great memories.

One of my friends at the theater production came up to me afterwards and said, “It must feel good to have someone bring up your daughter’s name and remember that they went to school together so long ago.” “Yes, very good,” I said to my friend. To myself I thought, “You can’t know how good!”

Knowing our children are remembered and live on in the hearts and lives of others, no matter how briefly, is a measure of the wonderful legacy they have left to us and to everyone they knew and who knew them.

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Sandy Fox

Sandy Fox has won four finalist awards for her recent book "Creating a New Normal...After the Death of a Child" with over 80 coping articles and a huge resource section. One award is from USA Book News in the Health/Death and Dying Category for 2010. The second award is from ForeWord Reviews in the Health Category for 2010. The third is from Royal Dragonfly Book Awards. The most recent finalist award is for the self-help category of the 2011 Indie Book Awards. She is also the author of another grief book, "I Have No Intention of Saying Good-bye." “I Have No Intention of Saying Good-bye” tells the stories of 25 sets of parents and how they moved on with their lives after the death of their child, offering hope and survival techniques. Sandy has headed two national bereavement conferences for childless parents and spoken for many years at Compassionate Friends National conferences, POMC and across the U.S. to a variety of bereavement groups. She also writes articles for the Open to Hope site, EZ articles, and Journey through grief newsletter in addition to her own weekly blog: Sandy can be contacted at to set up any speaking engagements or to ask any questions related to surviving the death of a child. Sandy was a guest on the radio show “Healing the Grieving Heart“ discussing: “I have no intention of Saying Good-Bye: Coping Techniques for the Now Childless.” To hear Sandy being interviewed on this show by Dr. Gloria & Dr. Heidi Horsley, click on the following link:

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