There are just times when grief hits you like a tidal wave. The waves hit again and again.

I’m just trying to come up as I tread water and catch my breath, trying to breathe and stay afloat.

Greg’s 27th birthday earlier this year was one of those days for me. It was a week before Greg’s 27th birthday and I was already “feeling it.” I have not done well on the two birthdays since his accident.

What really caused me a lot of pain on this birthday was the realization that this is another year that I count in Greg’s age but that he will never actually be. Yes it took 22 months for that to “set” in my brain.

Another birthday for Greg but Greg will always be 25.

Not 26. Not 27. Not 28.

He will never grow old and grey with me. He will always look the same as he did at 25, but I’ll grow older.

He will always have a full head of red hair and red goatee and the most beautiful blue eyes you have ever seen.

I will eventually have grey hair and wrinkles.

I was only 6 months older than Greg when I lost him.

Now I’m 2 years and 6 months older than he will ever be. That is not fair.

Not only is Greg not here but my Greggie “will always be 25” and that hurts more than you know.

All Material Copyright @ Brandi Reyna 2012

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Brandi Reyna

Ms. Reyna is a creative soul with a passion for helping others. Her faith is very important to her and is reflected in her writings. She writes about her faith and the role it plays in her grieving process and how she grieves. Ms. Reyna's purpose for writing is to give voice to and shed light on unique losses. Ms.Reyna's articles focus primarily on the loss of her fiancé; the subsequent grief associated with sudden loss, her identification as an "unwedded widow" (a widow who was not legally married to her beloved), loss of a parent (grandparent) and creating a new life while living with loss. Ms. Reyna shares her journey to encourage others in their own faith and in their own healing journey. She hopes that by sharing her story and leading by example through her own life that her journey will show others that we can experience significant and impactful losses and still experience a full and joy-filled life after loss. Ms. Reyna has completed internships at several churches within women’s ministry, as one of her gifts is in ministering to women so that she might walk beside, support, encourage, counsel, shepherd and offer hope to women in need. Since the loss of her fiance Greg in a tragic car accident in March 2010, Ms. Reyna also has a passion and heart for helping others who are grieving the loss of someone they love. Ms. Reyna holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Sociology and Psychology; with a certificate in Women's studies.

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