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Voice of Pain Becomes Voice of Comfort

There were so many voices in her head since his death, and they meshed into an angry crowd within her.  These discordant sounds pulled her into an abyss called grief.   As the voices blended together, she could not hear them clearly, drown them out or turn them off.  It was a time of profound sadness and she was uneasy, off balance, in a dark place that didn’t seem to have an Exit sign within sight.

At other times, the voice of grief came in at a different frequency ~ like a low, annoying and distracting hum, with no shut-off valve.  It left her feeling agitated, disoriented and unsure as how to move forward, how to put one foot in front of another.  It seemed as if daylight had arrived and was out of reach ~ too far in the distance for her to see.

Then, with the passing of time, a soft voice began to emerge from within. Eerily quiet and without static; it was gentle, compassionate and encouraging.  Perhaps it was guided by powers beyond her understanding or her grasp, but it didn’t really matter because she knew instinctively that she was hearing her own voice, her own spirit. So, she turned inward and listened.  To her surprise, as the fog of sorrow lifted, she experienced visions of clarity, glimmers of hope and tiny moments of happiness.

It was then that she understood the voice of grief had been comforted ~ not put away ~ but eased.   She had finally found the Entrance sign to her new life. Intuitively, she knew that she was emerging!

Laurel Rund 2011

 

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Laurel Rund

About Laurel Rund

I am a woman reborn in the afternoon of life. The death of my husband of 42 years could have stopped me in my tracks. Instead, it took me not only on a journey into grief, but also on a journey back to myself. After Marty’s death, I felt alone, undefined and invisible. I thought: I am from a generation of women whose definition of self was shaped by having our “consciousness raised.” But in today’s youth-oriented world, it is not unusual for women like me, over the age of 60, to feel that we are not valued or are considered relevant. I have learned, in the time since my husband’s passing, that I am anything but irrelevant and invisible! Death can be a powerful teacher, no matter our age. It woke me up from complacency to an understanding that all I have is the present moment; it’s all any of us have. The past is over (though it is part of what makes me who I am), the future undefined, and it is only today, this very moment, that counts. My journey toward healing began here, with the gift of time, as I followed an inner voice that pushed me on, outside my comfort zone, by asking, “If not now, when?” I have had many titles bestowed on me during this life journey: baby, child, young girl, woman, wife, mother, businesswoman – and finally, widow. Some titles I have been happy to own, others have been thrust upon me. Today, the title that describes me best is: I AM. I am vital; I am alive; I am love; and I am open to life’s possibilities. Look for the strength of who you are and your spirit will emerge!

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