Grief Changes You – Awareness Helps You to Rebuild

Loss changes you. It’s natural to feel lonely and unsure when someone important is no longer there. When depression that follows loss is part of the picture, everything can feel heavier and harder to move through.

For a long time, that weight can feel constant – like you’re moving through fog. Separation can also create a space you don’t recognize, but it can also help you see yourself without old patterns or expectations. That distance can feel uncomfortable at first, but it is often where something begins to shift. You start to notice what you no longer need to carry.

It has been three years since I lost my twin, and I’ve chosen to step back so that I can find clarity. Removing myself from old dynamics means I am not reopening the same wounds every day. There is autonomy in that, and sometimes even peace. Rebuilding becomes about choosing what supports your well-being, rather than holding on to what no longer works.

But healing has its costs. When you are used to being on your own, it is easy to keep putting others first while carrying the emotional weight. Patterns do not simply disappear just because we step away – they can follow us if we do not learn to notice them.

Loss is hard. The same care you give to others is something you deserve too, especially as you work to rebuild your life after loss. That is what I have had to learn.

Ilana Estelle

Ilana was born with a disability she didn’t know she had until the age of 46, when something her mum said caused her to look further into her disability and sight of her medical notes revealed that she had been diagnosed with cerebral palsy at the age of 2. That discovery turned out to be a unique and life-changing experience that has forced Ilana to stand back and look at her life’s experiences differently. On receipt of her diagnosis, Ilana set up her website, The CP Diary and uses her experiences to explore her emotional and physical health, with an inspiring message advocating positivity, resilience and change. Ilana likes to spend her days writing and blogging about anything that contributes to her health and wellbeing. She is an animal advocate and is passionate about environmental issues. When she is not writing or tending to her blog, Ilana enjoys days out exploring the Yorkshire countryside. Ilana lives with her husband in Yorkshire. Her grown up son and daughter both live in London.

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