Years ago, I heard an author say all life experiences applied to a book when he was writing it. The same could be said of grief support. When you’re grieving, you may find help in unexpected places and from unexpected people — like a professional ukulele player. Today, as I was surfing television channels, I [...]
Found 25 results
Creating Positive Affirmations for a New Year
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January 6, 2012
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Losing four family members in 2007 changed my thinking. I wondered if I would survive multiple losses. More worrisome, I wondered if I would ever be happy again. It didn’t take long for me to realize I needed an attitude adjustment. Somehow, I had to turn my negative thoughts to positive ones. I began to [...]
A New Answer to the Question, ‘How are You?’
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December 27, 2011
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“How are you?” became a dreaded question. Four family members, my daughter, father-in-law, brother, and former son-in-law, died in 2007. My daughter and former son-in-law died from the injuries they received in separate car crashes. Family members and friends couldn’t believe the story and I couldn’t either. Suddenly, our twin grandchildren were orphans and my [...]
Thoughts of Holiday Gifts and My Deceased Daughter
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December 13, 2011
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Holidays are a time of reflection and self-discovery for those who mourn. Four years have passed since my daughter died, and I am still overwhelmed with memories at Christmas time. Since this was her favorite holiday, I naturally think of her. I remember the thought she put into selecting and making gifts. I have dreamed [...]
Spiritual Women Help Grieving Friends
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November 25, 2011
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Last week I gave a talk at a local church about spiritual women helping each other. The talk came from my own experience of losing four family members in 2007. My handout showed the “bones” of my talk and helped audience members to follow along. What were the points of my talk? Spiritual women offer [...]
Thanksgiving Day Brings Sweet, Sad Memories
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November 20, 2011
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Thanksgiving is a hard day for me. My parents were married on this day and my elder daughter, now deceased, was born on Thanksgiving. I can still smell the tantalizing smell of roasting turkey wafting down the hall from the hospital kitchen and the thyme that was added to the stuffing. But there was no [...]
Finding Daughter’s Purse Restarts Grief Four Years Later
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October 28, 2011
7 Responses
The lower level of our house gets lots of use, especially in the winter time. We watch television there and work in our home office. Fourteen years ago, we had new carpet installed and it had become worn and dirty. “Sorry, I can’t get it any cleaner,” the cleaning man said, and I believed him. [...]
Now I See: Grieving and Raising My Grandchildren
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October 5, 2011
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“You’re coming home with us,” I said. My husband and I and our twin grandchildren were standing by the hospital’s emergency entrance. Tragedy had found us again. Nine months ago, their mother (our daughter) died from the injuries she received in a car crash. Their fatherhad just died from the injuries he received in another [...]
The Challenges of Relocation Grief
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August 5, 2011
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Relocation grief. I feel it already, though I won’t move for at least four years. When I look out the kitchen window at the apple trees, birds flying back and forth, and visiting wildlife, including deer, turkeys, and pheasant, I feel a sense of loss. My husband and I have already reserved a unit at [...]
Mass Murder in Norway Triggers Anticipatory Grief
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July 30, 2011
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The recent murders of innocent children and adults in Oslo, Norway, are a national tragedy. Like September 11th, this tragedy causes anticipatory grief. Usually we associate anticipatory grief with the failing health of a family member, friend, or pet. But anticipatory grief can affect an entire population. Anticipatory grief is a feeling of loss before [...]
Grieving for Deceased Loved One and Broken Relationship
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June 27, 2011
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Grief comes in many forms, including the feelings associated with death, anticipatory grief, and self–grief. During the grieving process, we may also mourn for broken family relationships. My brother was five years older than I. According to my mother, he was so excited to have a baby sister he asked to stay home from kindergarten [...]
Not Everyone Benefits from Graveside Visits
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June 20, 2011
2 Responses
Many years ago, when I was in first grade, my parents and I visited an inner city grave. It was my brother’s grave, a brother I never knew because he was a premature twin and died two days after he was born. The other twin survived and I grew up with a brother. While [...]
Recipes Link Her to Mother-in-Law, Memories
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June 6, 2011
3 Responses
After my mother-in-law died, I received her copy of The Boston Cooking School Cook Book by Fannie Merritt Farmer. No other family members wanted the book, which surprised me, so it became mine. Over the years, she used the book as a file, and tucked clippings and recipe booklets in its pages. She also added [...]
Mother Finds Comfort Saying Daughter’s Name
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May 9, 2011
10 Responses
Few ask how I’m doing these days. Friends have resumed their lives and so have I. Today, I’m living a new, meaningful and happy life. Yet there are times when the pain of losing my daughter in 2007 hits without warning. Suddenly, I am transported back in time and see terrible images from the hospital [...]
The Comfort of a Red Cardinal in Wintertime
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April 12, 2011
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Losing four family members within nine months has been, and continues to be, the most challenging experience of my life. My daughter and father-in-law died the same weekend. Several months later, my brother died and several months after that, my former son-in-law died. The grief of multiple losses was so painful I could barely move [...]
Playing Hide-and-Seek with Grief
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March 2, 2011
7 Responses
The church service had just begun and the congregation and guests were greeting one another. A friend, who knew four of my family members died in 2007, approached me and asked, “How are you?” “I’m good,” I replied. “How are you?” Widowed a year ago, my friend replied, “Oh, I’ve found that grief hides. When [...]
Always Counting: Anniversary of a Daughter’s Death
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February 23, 2011
8 Responses
Today is the fourth anniversary of my daughter’s death. I’ve been dreading this day for several weeks because it reminds me, yet again, of the finality of loss. It also brings back memories of surgeons operating on my daughter for 20 hours in a desperate attempt to save her life. Heroic as the surgeons’ efforts [...]
How to Listen to Someone Who’s Grieving
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February 17, 2011
7 Responses
We had just gone to bed when the phone rang. The call was from a member of the ambulance team. She called to tell us our daughter had been injured in a car crash. “It’s really bad,” she concluded. I can still hear her words in my mind and, painful as they were, they helped [...]
The Tucson Memorial Service: Why did People Applaud?
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January 13, 2011
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Like millions of other Americans, I turned on the television to watch the memorial service for the victims of the Tucson rampage. The service opened with music, as many traditional services do, and President and Mrs. Obama bowed their heads as the symphony orchestra played the Copeland fanfare. Then things began to change. People, approximately [...]
Giving Yourself Away – A Source of Comfort When You’re Grieving
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January 11, 2011
4 Responses
My daughter loved Thanksgiving and Christmas. Thanksgiving was special because she was born on this day. Christmas gave her a chance to give to others, even though she had little money. In her younger years, when she didn’t have twins to care for and her job as an engineer, family members often received homemade gifts. [...]
Six Steps to Regaining Balance After a Loss
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December 26, 2010
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After a loved one dies you’re overwhelmed with contradictory feelings. You have trouble sleeping and feelings you didn’t know you keep you awake for hours. At least, that is my experience after four family members, my daughter, father-in-law, brother, and former son-in-law, in 2007. Hymns, poems, novels and stories have been written about the quest [...]
Elizabeth Edwards: Woman of Grace
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December 9, 2010
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I identified with Elizabeth Edwards. Like her, I had lost a child. Like her, I was a book author. Like her, I spoke to community groups. For years, I followed Elizabeth on television and admired her from afar. She was truly a woman of laughter, grace and courage. What is courage? According to the dictionary, [...]
Grief’s Linking Objects – Why Do We Hold On?
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December 8, 2010
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After my daughter died, I became acutely aware of the gifts she had given my husband and me. One year, she gave us a step stool for Christmas because she was afraid our rickety one would collapse and injure us. Years ago, she gave me a counted cross stitch pillow for my birthday. Though she [...]
Avoiding the Victim Role while Mourning
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December 3, 2010
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Finding your way through the grief maze takes time, gut-level honesty, and personal courage. Questions keep you awake at night and haunt your days. Who am I now? Will I survive this? What will life become? Unfortunately, some mourners succumb to the victim role, which is damaging and nonproductive. After four family members, including my [...]
Using Linking Objects at Thanksgiving Dinner
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November 22, 2010
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The empty chairs at our Thanksgiving table are increasing. Four loved ones died in 2007 and, while the pain of loss has diminished, it’s still with me. My father-in-law, the family patriarch who always asked us to join hands and say, “God bless us every one,” won’t be with us. Nor will my elder daughter [...]
