Grieving with my twin

My name is Lori, and I have an identical twin sister named Lisa. When we were just 16 years old, due to medical problems, Lisa was told she would never have her own children. Through a miracle, she became pregnant and had a beautiful son named Jacob. Lisa was a single mom and I had not had any of my children yet, to I was her labor coach and of course, Jake was like one of my own children. I had my firstborn a year later; a daughter, and she and Jacob were like siblings. I then went on to have two more children, both boys, and they also, were like siblings to Jake. Jake was going to college and had a job he loved and on October 18, 2011 he passed away in his sleep. My daughter had had her daughter just four days prior and was dismissed from the hospital the day that Jacob passed away. I am at such a loss with my grief for my sister. Her whole life was just swept out beneath her. I am having such a hard time trying to help her and I know that I cannot. We have shared everything and been there for each other through so much. I am just going crazy trying to “fix things” that I cannot fix for her. Has any other twin gone through this and if so, please can you help me try to understand what my sister needs the most from me? I just feel so empty for her and hurt that I cannot do anything to bring back her son…..Thank you for your support and words of wisdom. Lori

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  • Amy Daly says:

    Hi Lori~I’m so sorry about the loss of your nephew. It is so painful to see someone you love going through such a difficult experience. I, too, am an identical twin. My daughter died 13.5 years ago. My twin was single and had no children at the time. She was a huge support even though she lived out of state. The most helpful thing she did for me is to be with me and let me talk as much or as little as I wanted. She asked me what I needed and I was able to tell her honestly b/c we were so close. She remembered my daughter and was not afraid to say her name and talk about her. She called me on special days to let me know she was thinking about me. She told me she missed my daughter, too. She was a huge blessing. Please email me if you would like to talk further. As a result of my experience, I returned to school and got my master’s degree in social work. I am a bereavement counselor and a certified thanatologist. Hugs to you and your sister ~ Amy

  • Bridget Marinaccio says:

    My name is Bridget, my nephew committed suicide this week. My heart is breaking for my sister Kerry. We are so close, not twins, but we are in our hearts, we feel everything the other one is going through. I cant bear to see her in so much pain. Its hard to grieve for my nephew and worry about her at the same time. I am in the exact same place, I need to know what I can do for her. I have a PhD. in COunseling and don’t know what to do. Its too close to home. I loved Mark like a son. I raised him for many years.

  • Sam says:

    I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I can’t even begin to imagine it, but my ex-wife also lost a son early on, although before i met her. Curious if you are the same Lori & Lisa who used to live in Los Angeles. If so, I’d love to catch up.

  • Sam says:

    By the way, I’m also a twin!