By Debra Reagan —

Everyone was so excited when Clint came into our lives that beautiful day in May. While we were at the hospital the day he was born, the contractor began work on our new home. We were a young family with many hopes and dreams. Clint was a delightful child and made our family of four complete. He was very affectionate and loved the touch of those around him. Clint’s older brother, Blake, told every visitor, “He is our baby and you can’t take him with you.”

As Clint grew from our baby to our little boy, his love for animals grew. The line in the poem, little boys are made of snakes, snails and puppy dog tails, could have been used to describe Clint. As a small boy, he could spend the afternoon outside carrying around a caterpillar so he could share it with his dad when he got home.  We purchased one hamster from the pet store and a few weeks later, we had a cage full. One of his favorite things to do when he was young was to carry a baby hamster piggyback in the hood of his sweatshirt.

We had our share of pets: dogs, cats, hamsters, a rabbit, ducks, chickens, and fish. Years later I learned the stray dog we had for 16 years, had a little coaxing when she chose our house out of all the others in the neighborhood.  Our pet population continued to grow. Later, Clint was so proud when he was able to locate an orange kitten that needed a home because his brother had always wanted one. Of course, he chose a kitten for himself also. Clint was always bringing home treats and toys for the cats.

Many years ago, while on vacation Clint’s love for fishing began. At the beach, he could spend hours walking along the water’s edge catching small fish in his net. The fish were always released for another day. We got a kick out of the time we were fishing from a pier, and Clint made it a fishing competition with Nanny. He tried to keep up with every fish she caught so he could make sure he caught at least one more.

Clint’s love for fishing continued, and a love for other sports grew.  He was a team player on the school basketball team. What he lacked in skill, he seemed to make up with enthusiasm. He seemed to be able to lift the spirits of his teammates whenever he went into the game. During those elementary school years, Clint also played baseball. He found pleasure in everything connected to sports; playing, watching, and collecting cards. When he was young, he would practice signing his name in hopes of one day being a famous baseball player that would be asked to autograph baseball cards. Perhaps now he will be the angel in the outfield.

Our son always had many good friends and they were important to him. Although Clint was not a morning person, after a good hug he was anxious to go to school and be with his friends.  I think Clint viewed school as a place to spend time with one’s friends instead of a place to learn, but he liked reading and attended summer reading programs at the local library. He also excelled in spelling and became our personal spell checker.

During the high school years, Clint had some ups and downs.  He ran track his freshman year and sports were still a part of his life. His enjoyment of fishing continued; although, it was during a fishing trip that he sustained a serious and permanent eye injury. This did not keep him from other activities. One summer, Clint visited Australia and New Zealand as a People to People Ambassador Representative. He cherished those memories and hoped to return to Australia one day. He was proud how he kept himself well when others on the trip became sick. The leaders of the trip had cautioned the parents against expecting too much communication from their child during this very hectic and activity filled trip. We were pleased to hear from Clint often.

We have the memories of many family activities to hold in our hearts, but they will never be a substitute for having him here with us.  Clint enjoyed many things: board games, video games, miniature golf as well as white water rafting. He also found joy in collecting items. Over the years he collected Pez dispensers and he had sizable collection of them. We learned the hard way they can be like dominoes lined up; when one fell, they would all fall.

After high school, Clint signed up to attend a community college. He had dreams of one day designing video games, but in the meantime he worked with his father at an engineering company. He considered his father his best friend.  Clint spent his spare time like most young people:  listening to music, playing video games, looking at cars, spending time with his girlfriend, talking on the phone, and shopping at thrift shops for vintage T-shirts.

We were blessed to have shared a wonderful childhood with Clint and to have had 20 years together. But our beloved son and brother left us too soon. We miss his big hugs and bright smiles.  We miss his singing, his whistling, his laughs, and the smell of his favorite cologne. We also miss the joyous moments he brought to the family.

We still look for him to come walking through the door; instead he walks through our hearts. We miss the way he filled a room and filled the house.

Edna St. Vincent Millay wrote, “The presence of that absence is everywhere.” This is very true for us also.

Debra Reagan lives in East Tennessee with her husband of 28 years and surviving son, Blake. Their lives changed forever when Clint died on August 6, 2005, at the age of 20 of an accidental overdose and bronchial pneumonia.  Debra can be reached through the website she maintains for her son at www.clint-reagan.memory-of.com.

Tags: grief, hope