When Grief Subsides….What’s Beyond?

Grief a major part of a widow/widower’s life. Although everyone works through grief in their own way, there are still some similarities. I’d guess the majority of widow/widowers go through various stages of shock, denial, guilt, anger, depression, and hopefully acceptance. But every journey will also be unique.

Once we work through our stages of grief and accept our loss, the grief begins to subside. Then we have to decide what we’re going to do with our life. There are endless possibilities of new goals and dreams for our future. Each one of us will have a different story to tell. Some widows remarry within a few years. Some widows are content never to marry again. It is all an individual choice.

I spent 14 years of being a single widow, before I remarried. The first few years I worked through grief and also wanted to help my daughters through grief without adding a stepfather to their lives. I prayed for God’s direction and went back to school while I declined a marriage proposal. There were choices I had to make and I chose to follow God’s plan for my life. It made living more peaceful and easier.

In my book, A WIDOW”S PURSUIT: Finding Out There’s More to Life Than Grief, I wrote about my challenges that I went through in grief and beyond. How I made new future dreams and goals. I share how I conquered many challenges of being an independent and single woman. (When I had no intentions of wanting to be single again!) But once I accepted my fate, I made the best of single life.

Not every widow will experience what I did. But this is my story. A personal memoir of how I pursued my faith to overcome grief and consequences to that decision is where I discovered an amazing life after my loss. I not only found purpose from my loss but I was rewarded with God’s blessings and peace in my life. He was able to fulfill and sustain me through some of my darkest moments.

Once my grief subsided, and I began to make new goals, I felt like a butterfly, about to take her first flight. Each widow from this point will have a different story to tell. A different ending and a new beginning. I hope that I can encourage other widows not only by sharing the end of my grief but also by sharing my new beginnings.

Cindy Adams

More Articles Written by Cindy

Cindy A. Adams, LMSW, became a 34 year old widow in 1995 with 2 young daughters, 6 and 7 years old. Holding on to her faith, she worked through widowhood and realized there was more to life than grief. Once Cindy accepted her loss, she came to the realization that she had to make new goals and dreams. She decided she wanted to help others through their grief and tough times. After surviving her loss, she spent years volunteering at Hospice and also supported some of her own friends through their grief of losing children and parents. Cindy went back to school while raising her daughters and obtained a Master’s Degree in Social Work in 2010 from the University of Georgia. Cindy feels blessed that she remarried in 2009. She currently resides with her husband, Joseph, in Atlanta, GA. She serves in her church as a GriefShare leader and pursues her social work degree as a Medical Social Worker for a home health agency. Cindy self-published her book, "A Widow's Pursuit", in 2012 that she has written from her grief experience and where she was led over the years. It is a faith based book in how God kept her on track to pursue different goals and dreams while finding new purpose in life. www.awidowspursuit.com

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  • heidi roberts says:

    I lost my husband 12 february 2015, and expecting our fisrt baby boy. I am 35 weeks pregnant. How do I go on. He died so suddenly without warning or me saying goodbye. Help please. I want to be human again, happy again.

    • Cindy Adams says:

      Unfortunately Heidi, there are no quick fixes for this one. I wish I could tell you a secret to not have to endure the pain, but I can’t. That will be part of your grief that you must go through. The only thing I would recommend is finding someone, professional or good friend, that will listen to you and allow you to keep talking about it. Or get involved in a good grief support group. If you go to http://www.griefshare.org you can plug in your zip code and it will let you know the closest groups to where you live. I hope this helps to give you some direction. Widowhood is like taking a trip you didn’t want to take and having no idea where you are and where you’re going. One day at a time and love that precious baby coming! You will always have part of your husband in him.