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Tolerating the Intolerable: Beyond Numbing

Posted on August 6, 2015 - by Basia Mosinski

When the death of a loved one happens suddenly and unexpectedly, it can crack your heart wide open. The shock and pain of the loss is numbing at first because the reality that you will never see your loved one again is intolerable and overwhelming. Numbing feelings in a sense protects you from experiencing them all at once and from the reality of what has happened. The numbing begins to wear off after the funeral, after family and friends return to their own lives…then the reality that your expectations, hopes and dreams have inextricably been changed forever begins to surface. […]

Since Nobody’s Perfect, May We Speak Ill of the Dead?

Posted on August 5, 2015 - by Greg Adams

In our grief support groups, we often use this question somewhere along the way: “Since ‘nobody’s perfect,’ what are some things that were not perfect about the person who died?” For some, the answers come pretty easily, but for many, this is a difficult question to consider and some pass on responding. Our frequent tendency is to avoid speaking ill of the dead as it can feel disrespectful on some level and we don’t want to come across as critical of one who is not here to offer a defense. Yet, it’s true—no one is perfect and there were things […]

Set Free to Grieve and Heal

Posted on August 5, 2015 - by Larry Patten

In the Bible, Jesus healed on the Sabbath. Bad Jesus! Law-breaking Jesus! Once he was accused of healing a woman who’d been in physical agony for nearly two decades. Jesus replied (Luke 13:16) to his critics with, “And ought not this woman, a daughter of Abraham whom Satan bound for eighteen long years, be set free from this bondage on the Sabbath day?” Not only did Jesus ignore the rule of not working on the Sabbath, the person healed was a . . . woman. In that era, women were property, mere second-class citizens. Worse yet, the incident occurred in […]

Molly Gandour: A documentary called Peanut Gallery

Posted on August 5, 2015 - by Molly Gandour

Molly Gandour created Peanut Gallery, a documentary that addressed her sister’s death and the silence that ensued. Only recently did Gandour and her parents begin talking about the death. She shares her story with Dr. Heidi Horsley during the 2015 Association for Death Education and Counseling conference. Her sister died when Gandour was ten, and it wasn’t until she was an adult that the subject was breached. She returned to India to start this conversation. “It really captures how difficult it is to have these conversations,” says Dr. Horsley. Gandour’s sister had leukemia for as long as she can remember, […]

Saints and Ordinary People: We All Live by Faith

Posted on August 4, 2015 - by Charles W. Sidoti

“The beauty of belief in the Communion of Saints is that it serves to remind us of our basic connectedness to one another as human beings, a spiritual connection that transcends death.” Life can be very lonely at times. It is also true, however, that we are never really alone. Something common to many religions is that they have certain men and women whose lives of faith stand out in such a way that they serve as examples for others. Some religions call them saints, while other religions do not, but most have their great men and women whose lives […]

Using the Pain of Grief as a Catalyst for Personal Growth

Posted on August 4, 2015 - by Maria Kubitz

We all have defining moments. In fact, our lives are filled with them. I would describe these moments as stepping though a portal of experience that reshapes the world you live in. Once you’ve been through one of these portals, you can never return to the world you once knew; you can never un-learn what you now know. The question becomes, what do you do with this new knowledge? Some of these portals are pleasurable and filled with awe and wonder. They could be like the freedom of getting your driver’s license or living on your own for the first […]

Purposeful Tears

Posted on August 4, 2015 - by Bart Sumner

I spent two of my weekends this July presenting and speaking at national conferences for grieving parents, grandparents, and siblings. Needless to say, during these weekends I encountered more than a few people who were battling tears. It seems like an obvious statement to say that people who had lost dear members of their family would be crying from time to time. In fact, one of the most important elements of these conferences is to provide a safe haven for grieving families to cry amongst their own; people who understand the tragic roads they find themselves on. Everyone who is […]

Summer Memories of my Father

Posted on August 3, 2015 - by Michael Nunley

Summer always comes with the memory of my father, Col. Billy F. Nunley’s funeral. The funeral service was on July 2nd and that made the fireworks and military tributes of July 4th a painful echo of the ceremony performed by the Air Force Honor Guard. The sky was a clear blue, the kind of day that sometimes prompted my father to say, “Good day to fly.” The slow drive up to the gravesite took us past flags and flowers, ribbons and wreathes, all in red, white, and blue. The young Air Force men and women carried out their duty flawlessly. […]

Stephanie Rose: Response of Men After Miscarriage

Posted on August 3, 2015 - by Heidi Horsley

Stephanie Rose talks with Dr. Heidi Horsley about how men handle a miscarriage, an often unspoken trauma. A doctoral student at Purdue University, Rose is studying how men respond following a miscarriage. Dr. Horsley has had two miscarriages, and recalls it seeming like her own experience—her husband’s lack of support due to society’s minimized importance of the experience for him. Rose says that’s common. “Unfortunately, when people talk to the man…they’re saying ‘how is your wife?’” Men, of course, can experience a variety of emotions during this time but it’s brushed under the rug. The focus is usually on the […]

Hospice and Healing with Anne Baker

Posted on August 1, 2015 - by Gloria Horsley

Dr. Gloria Horsley interviewed Anne Baker at the 2015 Association for Death Education and Counseling conference. Baker experienced two significant losses in her life, but moved forward and became a hospice volunteer. Now, she helps others on their death and grief journey. When she was seven, her mother died suddenly. Just three years later, her younger sister died. Baker recalls that at that time, there was no support for someone in her situation and she didn’t know how to look for or access resources. It was then, as a child, that she decided she wanted to dedicate her life to […]