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Back to School Blues for Mom Who Lost Child

Posted on August 15, 2012 - by Amy Daly

It’s that time of year again. We are standing in the middle of the school supply section of Target, along with several other families. My two teenagers efficiently place items in the cart, crossing them off their respective lists. They display a great deal of self-sufficiency this year, which makes this task way more simple than it was in 2001 when my oldest, Bryce, was entering kindergarten. As I stand amidst the brightly colored folders and neatly packaged pencils, my mind wanders. The back to school transition triggers my grief each year, without fail. I think about the daughter who […]

Choose to Live Again; Your Loved One Would Want That

Posted on August 13, 2012 - by Kathryn Williams Raths

How come when tragedy strikes, we hear the words, “Time heals?” After suffering and recovering from much hardship, time has been both an ally and enemy. Yes, it gifted me the allowance of sharing the moment my father took his last breath and for this I’m grateful but 4 years after his death, the void in my heart hasn’t healed; it’s still as big as the day he died. Each day is another day without him physically. And, time, reflective of each passing calendar day, continuously reminds me of this. Yes, I’ve been comforted with the belief that when he […]

Why Some Women Start Dating Soon After Husband’s Death

Posted on August 10, 2012 - by Catherine Tidd

I have been confused by many things in my life. But I would say that, by far, the thing that has confused me the most is being comforted by a boyfriend while I cry about my husband. Yup. That’s a doozy. I would imagine that it’s confusing for him as well. I mean, if my husband were here…my boyfriend wouldn’t be. So it’s got to be a little difficult to say to me, “I’m so sorry he’s gone” because if he wasn’t we would have never met. But since he’s my best friend, too, that’s what he says. And he […]

The Miracle of Stating Your Intent During Your Grief Journey

Posted on August 8, 2012 - by David Roberts

Just a sign, to remind me That tomorrow’s worth the fight From the song “Miracle” lyrics by Brent Smith and Dave Bassett. From the album Amaryllis by Shinedown The above lyrics from the song “Miracle” by a musical group known as Shinedown nicely capture the essence of my journey as a parent who has experienced the death of a child. After my 18-year-old daughter Jeannine’s death in March of 2003, I looked for any source of inspiration amidst the raw pain of my grief, that signaled “tomorrow’s worth the fight”. I regularly asked for signs of her everlasting presence. The […]

Using Memoir Writing to Deal with Grief

Posted on August 8, 2012 - by Madeline Sharples

Even before my son Paul died, I started writing about him and his bipolar disorder. I kept a journal to get out the frustrations of dealing with his episodes and hospitalizations and erratic behavior, and I took several classes and workshops at the University of California at Los Angeles Extension writing program, Esalen Institute in Big Sur, CA, and at a private class in Los Angeles. Thankfully, all my classmates were willing to hear me read my dark, raw pieces about my grief for years. At first I thought I would write a memoir about Paul’s illness and how he […]

10 Reactions to the Death of a Child

Posted on August 8, 2012 - by Sandy Fox

In the midst of deep grief over the death of a child, you may hear many different reactions from bereaved parents — from not wanting to talk about the child to why this has happened to them. I have chosen 10 common reactions and commented on each one. 1. “I don’t want to talk about my child. It makes me too sad.” Talking about your child is good for you. It allows you to tell others how you are feeling and they in turn may react differently to you. You don’t have to get graphic or tell too much about […]

The Search for Meaning During Loss and Adversity

Posted on August 6, 2012 - by Paul Coleman

From the moment he left my office, I couldn’t think of much else. His final few words opened up places in my heart not easily closed. About five years ago, his only son Billy, age four, died in an auto accident. The driver of the other car had been drinking, making Billy’s death as utterly senseless as it was profoundly tragic. “I could find no meaning in his death,” said Bill senior. “So I had to find meaning in his life. In loving Billy I discovered a depth of love I never thought possible. I’ve had my days of resenting […]

Fifteen Commandments for Surviving the Death of Your Child

Posted on August 6, 2012 - by Coralease Ruff

In ancient Hebrew Scriptures, Yahweh gave 10 Commandments to Moses, following the Israelites’ escape from slavery in Egypt. First recorded in the book of Exodus, these Commandments are moral statutes designed for the Israelites to enjoy fruitful and holy living. Unlike the Biblical Ten Commandments, the 15 Bereavement Commandments listed here, are not universal and timeless standards of right and wrong. Rather, they are principles that many grieving individuals, especially bereaved parents, have found beneficial for surviving the emotional roller coaster of the grief journey. The purpose of these 15 Bereavement Commandments is to offer you a pathway to inner […]

Private Drive: Visiting the Home Where Husband Died

Posted on August 1, 2012 - by Marta Dorton

Today, I took a short cut through a long memory. At the last minute I turned left at the light, thinking I would avoid the heavy afternoon traffic and face a piece of my past. I drove down the hill, Southland Park and the swimming pool to my right. The hot, humid day brought out the summer vacation crowds. Bright towels and small swimsuits dotted the chain-link pool area. SUVs and vans packed the parking lot and lined the narrow side streets. My family and I used to walk to the pool to cool off, and then reheat on the way […]

Signs of Daughter, Signs of Comfort

Posted on July 31, 2012 - by Randah Hamadeh

It was a very painful feeling to carry my graduation gown and go to the university this morning to attend the 25th anniversary celebration and the graduation ceremony. I felt heaviness and throbbing pain in my chest that I had to carry along with my Oxford gown and the bag containing my shoes. The first time I wore this gown was in Oxford for picture taking after I completed my Doctorate defense on March 1st, 1988. My husband insisted that I should have pictures taken with me wearing the gown since I will be unable to attend my graduation, as […]