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‘Iron Lady’ Touches Aging Widows’ Hearts

Posted on February 11, 2012 - by Sandra Pesmen

I just returned from seeing Meryl Streep’s remarkable performance as Margaret Thatcher in “Iron Lady,” for which she surely should win an Oscar. But she also should win that Oscar for touching aging widows’ hearts. Like Margaret, many of us went through our husband’s shoes, clothes, and treasures — along with old family photos — and could not bear to take that final step and get rid of them. They were the constant reminders of a beautiful life lived well that is no more. But this powerful film and Streep’s performance in it are not for the faint hearted. In […]

If Only

Posted on February 10, 2012 - by Deb Kosmer

If only…… If only….. If only……. If only……… If only…….. Most everyone has their share in life of “if only’s.” If only I were better looking, more popular, made more money, lived in a better neighborhood, were more organized, creative, articulate, athletic, had grandchildren, had more faith, had my sister’s curly hair and long eyelashes. So many “if only’s”and” what then’s.” When our loved one dies suddenly we have a whole new list of “if only’s”. On top of everything else, our aching heart, our desperate longing to have our loved one back, our sleepless nights, our lost sense of […]

A Psychologist’s Suicide

Posted on February 9, 2012 - by Adele R. McDowell

The word came last week that a friend and colleague, a clinical psychologist, had committed suicide. She had suffered a hammering of profound losses and fell into a deep hole of depression. She had placed herself in good professional hands, was hospitalized for two weeks, and released with medications and a discharge summary that she, herself, could have written. She later took her life by overdose. And if you are a clinical type, then you might be interested in knowing that she – and we will call her Susan for our descriptive purposes here — had been hospitalized once before […]

The First Clear Day Without Rain, Ten Years On

Posted on February 8, 2012 - by Diana Doyle

5,256,000! Over 5 million! That’s the number of minutes since my sister died…the minutes and moments she has missed out on in these past years. That’s a lot of time….ten years worth to be exact. Ten years ago, my only sister Tarnia was killed in a car accident. It was the first clear day without rain, the last few days of the school holidays in Australia. My sister had decided since it had stopped raining, she’d take her kids to the beach. That day, my sister’s destiny was decided. I often wonder if it had of kept raining if she’d […]

Winter Grief

Posted on February 7, 2012 - by Paul Bennett

“When we scattered the ashes, the land was bare and brown and dry and cold. And we ourselves felt bare and cold. We were feeling the death in us, Rebecca and I, and hoping for spring to come, hoping for spring in us, hoping for something to be reborn.” – Loving Grief Does your grief have a different color in winter? Does winter seem more in tune with your grief than spring does? Winter landscapes here in the middle Atlantic states are rarely white. They’re mostly just bare, dominated by grays and browns. Cold rain is more common than snow. […]

Maintaining a Healthy, Healing Relationship after Death

Posted on February 5, 2012 - by Larry Barber

Ken sat on the couch across from me, smiled and exclaimed, “I stopped it! The uncontrollable crying. I stopped it!” Just the week prior, I had been at a loss as the 59-year-old self-avowed “Momma’s boy” cried with an overpowering despair. He had been completely inconsolable over the death of his 82-year-old mother. As a fledgling bereavement counselor, I had walked away from his initial session wondering if I could ever be able to help Ken. His inability to see any reason for joy and hope had silenced me for almost the entire hour For all of Ken’s life prior […]

Dealing With the Winter Blues

Posted on February 4, 2012 - by Catherine Tidd

“I don’t feel good,” I said to my sister. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me or why…but I don’t.” The moment the words left my mouth, I had a revelation. I say the same thing, the same thing, every year at this time. I don’t know why. I truly don’t feel like it’s the post-holiday blues. I don’t feel like it’s that two of my kids’ birthdays are back-to-back within a few weeks of each other (which certainly has me a little sad…but in a very aware sort of way). In the beginning, I even thought it was the Superbowl […]

The Boogie Man Isn’t Real, but Fear Is

Posted on February 3, 2012 - by Kim Meredith

You can’t see it. You can’t touch it. But the sensation of fear is very real. It is overwhelming and makes us do things that we would not normally do. When our confidence is shaken and we are thrust into a different personal direction, we naturally get a bit scared and unnerved. It is a new territory and we are unsure of what to do and how to act. Unfortunately, life does not come with a manual and we can’t merely thumb through a Table of Contents looking for answers. Grief can make a person feel fearful. The comfort and […]

Moving on from an Unhappy Situation

Posted on February 2, 2012 - by Carl Mathis

When there are issues about past occurrences in your life, we know that letting go is easier said than done. And this is especially true for people who lost a love one, or someone who they care about. The problem is, most people use these everyday responsibilities and the issues they face every day to mask having to deal with issues of their past. In other words they are camouflaging the real problem. Whether it’s career, family, health, a failed romance, a death – many people have their own stories to share. They are just seldom heard. Especially if you […]

Accepting What We Cannot Control

Posted on February 1, 2012 - by Vicky Bates

“Control yourselves!” How many times did my little brother and I hear that from our parents growing up? As we got older, no one expressed those sentiments to us because we had somewhat “learned” as children to control ourselves through parents, schools, jobs and relationships. I think there has to be some sort of balance between powers over one’s self or others. Not that we want utter chaos, but we have become a world of absolutes. It’s funny we start out these pure heavenly spirit babies and end being taught to relate to everything from a sense of control over […]