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Aftershock of a Murder

Posted on November 13, 2011 - by Shirley Wiles-Dickinson

It will soon be 26 months since my beautiful sister, Sandra, lost her life by the hands of a murderer. I think back on the last 26 months and all that happened, all I learned. I often described those months as a rollercoaster. Emotions and feelings were up and down, up and down. Lately, I’ve likened the experience to a personal earthquake. The day I learned of my sister’s death it did feel like an earthquake. The epi center of that quake was my core, my being. I was thrown off center, suddenly. Month after month, I felt off kilter, […]

Celebrating the Birth of Triplets While Mourning Dad’s Suicide

Posted on November 12, 2011 - by Barbara Rubel

I wish you could have been there . . . It was quite a sight. Three infant car seats with tiny faces and six wiggling hands and feet. We were going home, but my father would not be there to greet us. I had spent the last four weeks of my pregnancy in the hospital, and, during that time, my loving dad had died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. He was gone, and I had three children to love. Although I had complete bed rest throughout my pregnancy, I irrationally felt guilty after his death because I […]

What Does An Angel Look Like?

Posted on November 11, 2011 - by Marcia Gaddis

A client made a personal visit to my husband’s office the other day. She had never met his assistant and while talking privately in his office, complimented her happy, helpful spirit and said, “In my mind I had not pictured her to be so joy-filled. I love being around her.” His response was a question: “Well, what does an angel look like?” I have thought about that question, certainly affirming that yes, an angel looks just like his assistant. She daily offers support and encouragement to those around her. She often brings good news and steps in to correct or […]

Death of Spouse Prompts Re-assessment of Life

Posted on November 10, 2011 - by Catherine Tidd

I read something recently that I wanted to share with you that I think articulates part of the miracle…yes, I did say miracle…of loss. Not the loss itself, of course…but what our (dare I say) rebirth when it happens. Mark Mettousek said: “It seems perverse that authenticity should stem from loss. The outline cracks, you split apart, half of you is left stranded on an iceberg floating into the chilly distance. You’re suspended in partiality, cut off from who you thought you were. This is when questioning starts, that’s the truth – when you can’t put yourself back together again, […]

Chanel No. 5: Bringing Wife’s Memory Alive

Posted on November 9, 2011 - by Richard Ballo

Chanel No. 5. It is a perfume name that I know. I can’t recall what it smells likes, yet I was married to a woman who wore it. I can recall the woman: her smile, her laugh, her facial expressions, and the way she looked at me. I have a small bottle of Channel No. 5 that I have keep. In the early years of my widowhood, I would remove the top and bring the bottle just under my nose and inhale. Then a miracle happened. She was alive: the feel of her hand on my hand, the sound of […]

Fear of Death Can Prevent Some From Seeking Medical Care

Posted on November 8, 2011 - by Kathryn Williams Raths

For some people, a loss brings an awareness of the fragility of one’s own life. During the bereavement process, the loss can magnify the anxieties and fear of death. If you are embracing this mind-set, long-term, it can become toxic to your health. It is critical to overcome such thinking to enable you to live a life full of rich health. There are many people in my life who are stuck in this mode of thinking. Their fear has caused them pain and discomfort on a daily basis because they will not risk any type of medical treatment. The anxiety of an […]

Nephew Has Special Bond With Deceased Uncle

Posted on November 7, 2011 - by Carol Loehr

We all use our minds to try to understand why our children died. I am no different; when our son Keith died, I continued to ask that endless question—Why? Throughout my pursuit for answers, my niece Juli and her son Cody helped me realize that maybe I was not looking at all possibilities—just maybe I would have to go beyond my own realm of understanding. As Juli shared some of Cody’s spiritual experiences with me, I found it would take a child to help me break through the spiritual barriers that I, as an adult, had created. Cody was […]

Is There a Place at Holiday Table for the Griever?

Posted on November 6, 2011 - by Deb Kosmer

It’s that time of year again. The holiday season, a time of rejoicing, celebration. First there’s Thanksgiving, followed by Christmas, Hanukah, and New Years. But what if I’m not thankful and don’t want to celebrate? What if I am sadder than I have ever been? What if I am pissed as hell? And what if I feel guilty… guilty for living when someone I loved died…guilty for failing them? What if I feel guilty because I’m relieved… that it’s finally over? Is there still a place at the table for me? What if I don’t want to bow my head and […]

Don’t Let a Loss Make You Give Up Your Dreams

Posted on November 5, 2011 - by Rebecca Guevara

If you had asked me after my brother took his own life if I held revenge or a need for justice in my heart, I would have told you no. I was too broken, my emotional core was in too many pieces, and most of my feelings surrounded sadness. I would have said such deep sadness cannot hold the anger necessary for revenge or to seek justice. But it was tucked deep inside me and it aimed at my own heart. What I was blind to was this: Just before he died I was really, sincerely beginning to push diligently […]

Young Widow Watches Sons Grow into Men

Posted on November 4, 2011 - by Christine Thiele

I am a mom of two boys. I am mom to two boys who do not have their father around anymore as a model. I am a mom who, beyond words, loves being a mom of boys. When my husband died seven years ago, I knew that finding positive, male role models for my young sons would be one of the most relevant things I would do for them. My dad was there immediately for them. He shared a bond with my boys – he too lost his dad at a young age. He knew what it was like to grow up […]