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Longing for a Child Who has Died

Posted on September 23, 2024 - by Janice Bell Meisenhelder

Longing for a Child Who has Died The intense longing for your deceased child causes difficult emotional pain and unremitting agony. Our bodies and minds cry out deep from our core to see, hear, touch, smell and feel our child.  Although there is no satisfying these needs, bereaved parents find many ways to stay connected to their child and recommend doing so to other bereaved mothers. Parents report a lessening of the intensity of their grief when they remain connected to their child, and continue bonding practices for many years, usually their lifetime.  For the bereaved parent, the goal of […]

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Young People Grieving Over Multiple Losses

Posted on September 23, 2024 - by Linda Goldman

Young People Grieving Over Multiple Losses  A “new normal” has invaded old paradigms and left kids missing a past world, uncertain of the present, and anxious of what tomorrow will bring. More than ever, adults must become role models, listen to their children’s pleas, understand the forces behind their behaviors, and care for their tender hearts yearning to be heard and respected. Perhaps the new normal is just an open door into the transformation of antiquated ways of being that have outgrown themselves The issues and grief techniques found in the previous edition of my book, Life and Loss, are […]

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Young People Grieve Through Creativity

Posted on September 23, 2024 - by Linda Goldman

Young People Grieve Through Creativity During the pandemic, the resilience of many girls and boys soared to new levels as they courageously rose to the occasion. The following are two examples of pioneering teens, Madeleine and Lulu. Through using their attributes of perseverance and connectivity, they were both able to transform despair into activism. Thirteen-year-old Madeleine converted an eighth-grade project into a healing experience for peers experiencing a death during the pandemic. Madeleine created the COVID Memorial Quilt. She encourages others her age to join by adding a piece of the quilt in memory of a loved one.  Madeleine’s Mom […]

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Young People’s Grief during the Pandemic

Posted on September 22, 2024 - by Linda Goldman

Young People’s Grief during the Pandemic The pandemic has produced a myriad of loss issues impossible to have imagined just a few years ago. Young people cannot go to school, eat lunch in the cafeteria, play with friends, see their teachers in-person, enjoy recess, learn in a classroom, or partake in the holidays with their entire family. College students who come home for family holidays are continuously anxious about getting the virus or giving it to their parents. Sara, a college freshman explained, “I’ve had seven COVID19 tests and am doing one more before Thanksgiving. It is so stressful. I […]

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Self-Punishment During Grief

Posted on September 16, 2024 - by Bob Baugher

Self-Punishment During Grief A behavior that may accompany guilt is self-punishment. This often comes from the grieving person’s need to somehow “balance the scale” of life events. When we were children, we often received some form of punishment for our misbehavior. This may be one of the ways that children form their conscience. So, even as adults, when we find ourselves in a guilt-producing situation, we may feel a need to receive punishment. We might exhibit some of the following behaviors: Saying negative things to ourselves Replaying the perceived mistake(s) Depriving ourselves of something. However, some people feel the need […]

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Measuring Your Guilt During Grief

Posted on September 13, 2024 - by Bob Baugher

Measuring Your Guilt During Grief After the death of a loved one, many of us feel guilt. Some amount of guilt is normal. But how much? Answer these questions in writing to better understand your own feelings of guilt. Frequency. Are feelings of guilt always present? If not, how many times per hour (or day) do I find myself experiencing guilt feelings? Intensity. When I experience guilt feelings, how intense is the reaction? Barely noticeable Mild Moderate Somewhat intense Very intense Severe/debilitating Duration. Once the guilt feelings arise, how long, on the average, do they tend to last? Disappear in a […]

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How to Deal with Guilt while Grieving

Posted on September 11, 2024 - by Bob Baugher

How to Deal with Guilt while Grieving If you are feeling guilt after the death of a loved one, you might try to play a small trick on your mind. Imagine that your loved one is going to visit you for 20 seconds. You will get to ask one simple question: “What do you have to say to me about the guilt that I’ve been carrying since your death?” Now, please imagine your loved one standing in front of you answering this question. Listen. What words do you hear? Write Their Response Next, take out a pen and paper and […]

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Guilt is Unique During Bereavement

Posted on September 9, 2024 - by Bob Baugher

Guilt is Unique During Bereavement During bereavement, we may feel guilty. Guilt is different from shame, embarrassment, regret or anger. Here’s how: Shame is the result of an event that brings dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation. Death may bring feelings of shame mixed with guilt. For example, a woman whose husband is shot and killed by police during his commission of a burglary may feel ashamed of the way he died and guilty that she was not aware of his illegal activity. Shame is partly based upon our perception of what others think of us. Looking back on what she felt […]

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Caring for Your Spirit after a Suicide

Posted on August 26, 2024 - by Bob Baugher

Caring for Your Spirit after a Suicide For many people, the suicide of a loved one raises agonizing spiritual or existential issues. These include many questions such as Why does suicide happen? I’ve tried to be a good person, so how could God let this happen to me? Is suicide a sin? Is my loved one in hell? What happens to a person after death? Will I ever see my loved one again? What good is my religion to me now? Who am I now? What is the purpose of my life? Why should I go on living? Suicide Challenges […]

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Feeling Guilty after a Suicide

Posted on August 26, 2024 - by Bob Baugher

Feeling Guilty after a Suicide When something goes terribly wrong, human beings have a natural and powerful need to make sense of what has happened. This usually includes a need to affix blame for the bad thing that has happened. Most people, even if they are outwardly blaming someone else for the suicide, will also be privately asking themselves. “Is this my fault? Why didn’t I see this coming? Could I have done more to prevent it?” This self-blaming is very, very common after a suicide. Later on in this book, we will discuss some reasons why people tend to […]

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