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Guilt is Unique During Bereavement

Posted on September 9, 2024 - by Bob Baugher

Guilt is Unique During Bereavement During bereavement, we may feel guilty. Guilt is different from shame, embarrassment, regret or anger. Here’s how: Shame is the result of an event that brings dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation. Death may bring feelings of shame mixed with guilt. For example, a woman whose husband is shot and killed by police during his commission of a burglary may feel ashamed of the way he died and guilty that she was not aware of his illegal activity. Shame is partly based upon our perception of what others think of us. Looking back on what she felt […]

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Caring for Your Spirit after a Suicide

Posted on August 26, 2024 - by Bob Baugher

Caring for Your Spirit after a Suicide For many people, the suicide of a loved one raises agonizing spiritual or existential issues. These include many questions such as Why does suicide happen? I’ve tried to be a good person, so how could God let this happen to me? Is suicide a sin? Is my loved one in hell? What happens to a person after death? Will I ever see my loved one again? What good is my religion to me now? Who am I now? What is the purpose of my life? Why should I go on living? Suicide Challenges […]

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Feeling Guilty after a Suicide

Posted on August 26, 2024 - by Bob Baugher

Feeling Guilty after a Suicide When something goes terribly wrong, human beings have a natural and powerful need to make sense of what has happened. This usually includes a need to affix blame for the bad thing that has happened. Most people, even if they are outwardly blaming someone else for the suicide, will also be privately asking themselves. “Is this my fault? Why didn’t I see this coming? Could I have done more to prevent it?” This self-blaming is very, very common after a suicide. Later on in this book, we will discuss some reasons why people tend to […]

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Immediately After a Suicide: Three Things to Remember

Posted on August 26, 2024 - by Bob Baugher

As you begin to take in the reality of the loss of your loved one by suicide, there are three things to remember: Take Care of Yourself Right now, you may not feel like anything matters. You have been psychologically wounded by this death, and as with any injury, you will have to focus for a while on finding ways to cope with the pain and take care of yourself. No One Cannot Do This Alone You will have to find ways of surviving that work for you. They will not necessarily be the same methods of coping used by […]

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Telling Young Children of a Suicide

Posted on August 26, 2024 - by Bob Baugher

Telling Young Children of a Suicide Parents are often understandably concerned about how the harsh fact of a suicide in the family, particularly of a parent, will affect their children. They may wonder whether telling their children–particularly young children–the truth about the death will cause more harm than good. And if they do decide to tell their children the truth, they struggle to find the words to explain what they find very hard to understand themselves – “Why did this person take their life?” It is important to know something about the developmental processes that children experience as they grow […]

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Not Censoring our Grief Stories

Posted on August 26, 2024 - by Greg Adams

Not Censoring our Grief Stories I was recently in a bookstore on vacation with my wife and adult daughter. As we sat at a table drinking our afternoon pick-me-up beverages, both asked if I had seen a particular book on the shelf with books signed by the authors. I had not and went over to look. It was a grief book, not surprisingly, and I brought it back to the table for review. I liked the chapter and section titles and descriptions. I liked the people listed in the acknowledging of “grief guides.”  And I liked the title and the […]

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Grief Can Surface Any Time

Posted on August 24, 2024 - by Linda Pountney

Grief Can Surface Any Time Denial of grief is common and misunderstood. Grief can wait in the wings for a time to surface, when you are better prepared to absorb its lessons. It can be triggered by other losses. Left undone, grief can wreak havoc with your ability to enjoy life and feel positive emotions. Grief has no time frame. It can be postponed, but never put away. My identical twin sister Paula Pountney died unexpectedly as her small plane crashed into the Atlantic Ocean one Thanksgiving night. We were 21 years old. With the same genes and a shared […]

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Loss of a Twin has Huge Impact

Posted on August 23, 2024 - by Linda Pountney

Loss of a Twin has Huge Impact The unthinkable can happen. One of your twins or triplets could vanish from your life. During a period of deep grief, how would you console each other and provide support for your surviving twin or triplet? By addressing this uncomfortable subject, a dual purpose will be served. There is a remarkable connection between twins and other multiples. The link that binds twins together from before birth is crucial to understanding what happens when the bond is broken. It sheds light on what constitutes a twinship. Mourning the loss of one’s twin can threaten […]

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Multiple Losses Can Increase Isolation

Posted on August 20, 2024 - by Harriet Hodgson

Multiple Losses Can Increase Isolation “We don’t see many people these days,” my husband commented. “I know,” I answered. “It’s because of our multiple losses.” After our twin grandchildren lost their parents in separate car crashes in 2007 we became their legal guardians and conservators — roles that required tremendous time and documentation. Then two more family members died. Grieving for four loved ones while raising grandchildren is the hardest thing we have ever done. Coming to terms with one death is hard, but coming to terms with four is much harder. According to Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD, Director of […]

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Grieving the Loss of a Narcissist or Sociopath

Posted on August 19, 2024 - by Mary Joye

Grieving the Loss of a Narcissist As if grieving a loved one isn’t enough, it can become exponentially more complex when we lose someone in our lives that was narcissistic or sociopathic. In so many cultures we are vehemently taught not to speak ill of the dead. It is a lovely and loving custom, but what if the deceased spoke ill of you or was abusive to you in any way. Grieving the loss of a narcissist takes skill. This is a particularly difficult dynamic if the loss was a parent. You feel forced to go through the stages of […]

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