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‘New Person’ Must Emerge from Loss

Posted on June 17, 2011 - by Deb Kosmer

Most of us have had the experience of buying new clothes that didn’t quite feel right. Perhaps they were a little too tight or too big or the brand-new material was scratchy, not soft like our older things that have had several washings. We may decide not to wear them at all, or we may decide to wear them awhile until we are comfortable in them. This can be a frustrating experience. When we are grieving, most of us feel like we aren’t living in our body anymore. We may look in the mirror and see our old reflection staring […]

After Mother-Loss, Daughter Struggles with Guilt about Father

Posted on June 16, 2011 - by Lauren Muscarella

“I told him he had to get out. It would have been selfish of me to let him stay there,” my friend Claire said about her youngest son, A.J. Claire lost her husband almost a decade ago, after which her 26-year-old son moved home. A.J. promised his father he would take care of his mother, but Claire did not feel that included cohabitation. Her word choice stunned me. As the child of a widowed parent, I sometimes forget the hierarchical positioning of my own family patriarch. I spent a considerable amount of time feeling guilty about being in Washington, D.C. […]

How to Support a Grieving Dad

Posted on June 15, 2011 - by Kelly Farley

I often hear from grieving dads who tell me they feel alone in their grief after the death of their child. It amazes me that after going through something as profound as the death of a child, that these men feel so alone and isolated. As much as it amazes me, I can relate because I too felt alone after the death of my two children. I felt so alone that I would go online and search for other grieving dads. However, I didn’t find what I was looking for or needed at that point in my grief. I didn’t […]

Father’s Day Brings Fond Memories of ‘Grandpop’

Posted on June 14, 2011 - by Mary Jane Hurley Brant

My Grandpop was a legend in my small hometown mostly because of his many “unusual hobbies” – like counting how many flies he could swat on a front porch glider on any given August day. As scores of commuters rushed by our house, they regularly shouted, “Hello, Pop, how many flies today?” Grandpop, pushing 90 by then, responded with enormous numbers. He was never without his gray wool cardigan, a felt hat that he tipped for the ladies and a smile for those friendly passersby. Of course, that was outside, for strangers. Inside, he predictably fought my mother about taking […]

Father’s Day After the Death of a Brother

Posted on June 13, 2011 - by Brenda Marshall

“You know that story, Finding Nemo?” my 4-year-old nephew asked. “That’s a story with a happy ending because he gets to find his daddy.” It was six days since my brother, my nephew’s father, had died and oh, how my heart broke hearing this simple observation. This will be our 5th Father’s Day without my brother. On the first one, we planted a tree in his memory. My nephew, then 5, held up the card he’d made for his dad, said a few words and then hung it on a branch. It gently fluttered in the wind as we snacked […]

My Teddy Bear Dad

Posted on June 12, 2011 - by Carrie Pike

Growing up, I was a little afraid of my dad. He had a bark that was loud and, I thought, fearsome. But as I grew older, I came to realize that he was just a big olʼ teddy bear inside. Twelve years ago, Dadʼs passing inspired me to start a company called Carrie Bears. My mom, in her grief, had said, “What do I do with all his clothes?” I started by making teddy bears–Carrie Bears–out of his clothes for my siblings. And that is where it all began. As Fatherʼs Day approaches, I think of my dad and the […]

How ‘Forced Change’ Healed My Life

Posted on June 11, 2011 - by Ron Villano

Have you been forced out of a job? Are you facing a health issue? Are you a victim of a crime? Have you lost a loved one unexpectedly? Then you know that forced change embraces your life in an instant. And that is where my message starts. I experienced “forced change” when my 17-year old son, Michael, died in an auto accident. But, years later, I now see that losing Michael wasn’t the only reason my life hit rock bottom. I wound up down there because the forced change took hold of me and began to drag me down. Naturally, […]

Yes, You Will Laugh Again

Posted on June 9, 2011 - by Cathy Seehuetter

At the opening ceremony of TCF’s National Conference held in 2003, Maria Housden, author of the marvelous book, Hannah’s Gift, was the featured speaker. She began by telling how that morning she had conversed with a man she met on the elevator. When he asked her why she was staying in Atlanta she told him that she was there as a speaker for The Compassionate Friends, a organization offering support and hope for parents, siblings and grandparents who had suffered the death of a child. As oftentimes happens when hearing what TCF is, the man suddenly was at a loss […]

Animal Energies Help Make Sense of Grief Process

Posted on June 8, 2011 - by David Roberts

Since my daughter Jeannine’s death over eight years ago, I learned that the only thing I could control was the present. Doing this made it easier to allow the universe to take care of my future. However, I have recently begun to discover the role of the past in enhancing my quality of life in the present and…future. During a trip to Long Island last year, I was introduced to the power of animal medicine. The lessons that animals teach us is beautifully described in the book, Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power Through The Ways of Animals, by Jamie […]

In Widow’s World, Living With Purpose is Hard

Posted on June 7, 2011 - by Christine Thiele

I was really good at living with intention before my husband died. I was good about doing things with good reason and being thoughtful, even purposeful, about what I did and how I did it. I had the luxury of more time to think through my decisions and even more important I think, I had someone to share those decisions, reasons, and purpose with. I think for me, it felt more intentional with a witness near. Since widowhood began, I have been through many phases, stages, whatever we might call them. One of the stages I have the most difficulty […]