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Six Months After Sister’s Murder, an Arrest and More Questions

Posted on July 22, 2010 - by Shirley Wiles-Dickinson

When my sister was murdered in her home in September of 2009, my life changed forever. The questions that flood your mind in these circumstances are unbearable. Not knowing who murdered my sister was all-consuming. Every day, I waited for my phone to ring, to hear the detective’s voice telling me an arrest was made. I tried to prepare myself for that day. How would I react? Would I be overjoyed? Would I feel relief? There is no script for this, no rule book. You learn as you go. I experienced frustration at the lack of an answer. I already […]

The Healing Power of Creativity

Posted on July 21, 2010 - by Tambre Leighn

When my late husband and I first began dating, he set clear boundaries with regard to his time. Sundays during football season were off limits. He was an avid fan and pretty good at picking the spreads. Saturday mornings were dedicated to painting out on the back patio of his sparsely furnished West Hollywood apartment. So he was pleasantly surprised to find out that I loved football and I, too, had interests I wished to continue to nurture outside of our relationship. As our lives unfolded and we moved from dating to marriage, from a rental in West Hollywood to […]

Widow’s Separation From Husband is ‘Temporary’

Posted on July 20, 2010 - by Christine Thiele

This life is so temporary. We don’t seem to get that most times. Over the last months, it has become so clear to me that we are not meant for this earth forever. We are eternal beings with our hearts, souls and beings based in something bigger and better than this place that we walk in now. Ten months ago, my husband died. We are young (by my standards). He was 46. We just had our second child. I was banking on happily ever after. He truly was my prince charming. He is dead now and I am not. I […]

Parents Who Lose Children Become Survivors

Posted on July 19, 2010 - by Louise Lagerman

I have had a lot of parents, new on this grief journey, ask me if the feelings of intense anger they feel over their child’s death is normal. My answer is yes, a resounding yes. It is perfectly normal and expected for one to have intense feelings of anger, bitterness, and a feeling that life is just not fair. It is also normal and natural, to feel singled out, like you are being picked on or punished because you lost your child or grandchild. After our shock wears off, we go through a denial and isolation stage. This really isn’t […]

Lost in the Widowhood

Posted on July 18, 2010 - by Catherine Tidd

“I feel so lost.” How many times have we felt that way? How many times have we heard that from other grievers? How many times have we just wanted to pull on a t-shirt that says it, so we just don’t have to explain anymore why we’re operating in such a daze? We all go through these periods of feeling lost. Like we’re floating out there in the world with nothing to anchor us. We make the best effort we can to find that connection–the internet, support groups, counseling–something, anything to make us feel like we’re still part of the […]

Traveling to Planet Grief and Back

Posted on July 17, 2010 - by Mitch Carmody

I am continually amazed at the choreography of the dance that I experience at The Compassionate Friends national conference, and the huge impact is has on my body, mind and spirit when I walk off the dance floor and return home. From spending 4 or 5 days on “planet grief,” we return home to the mundane realities of the real world and try to blend in with its preoccupied inhabitants who for the most part know nothing of our secret planet. They don’t wear buttons of a dead child pinned to their clothing; they don’t wear name tags around their […]

Daydreaming About Deceased Son: Healthy or Not?

Posted on July 16, 2010 - by Amy C. Maddocks

Have you ever thought about what life would be like if your child had not died? I have, I do, I almost live every minute thinking of my son. I’m sure most parents who have lost a child have them constantly in their minds. The question, then, really is: Does it consume your every moment? Awake or asleep? Almost everywhere I go or anything I do, I imagine my precious Connor by my side. I picture him walking along the river with me each morning as I walk a two-mile stretch with a friend of mine. Her three kids join […]

The Hard Work of Dying

Posted on July 15, 2010 - by Stan Goldberg

Imagine that you’re preparing for a thirty-day trip to a foreign country and you’re limited to taking only what can be carried in a backpack. Your decisions on what to take or leave behind will determine the quality of your experience. Too many items and the weight will be burdensome. Not enough of the right ones and you might be forced to neglect some basic needs. We make decisions of this type daily. Take what’s important, leave behind what isn’t. But we tend to oblivious to the importance of these decisions for possibly the most momentous journey of our lives–our […]

When the Griever is a Health-Care Professional

Posted on July 14, 2010 - by Marty Tousley

Question from a Reader: I don’t know where or how to start. I lost a beloved dog a month ago. My other dog is critically ill. I lost a very good friend earlier this year. I am also feeling enormous grief and guilt over the loss of another dog who was killed by a car. I am an RN so maybe you can relate a little. I was in critical care for many years and then worked in oncology and hospice. Most of my patients either died suddenly or suffered and eventually died. My involvement with significant others and family […]

Dating for Widows: Now May be the Time to Cast Your Line

Posted on July 13, 2010 - by Catherine Tidd

Dating after a spouse-loss is kind of like standing on a ledge with a bungee cord attached to you. You sweat, hoping that that bungee cord is gonna hold. You may be ready to take the plunge. Or you may take one look at the view (which looks just fine without the addition of our innards splattered below, thank you very much) and step away. Or, standing on the ledge, we may need a friendly push from a well-intentioned friend who we may be mad at while we’re swinging but once we’re on firm ground we’ll give them a big […]