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When a Friend Dies

Posted on July 26, 2010 - by Ken Doka

When I picked up my four-year old grandson at preschool, Kenny was proud to introduce me to his new friend. Even at a young age, we begin the life-long process of making friends. If Kenny’s lucky, he may even keep some of the friends he makes in these early years. I still have a friend that goes way back to third grade. Friends are an important part of our life. They keep us grounded and shape our identities. We trust them with our secrets. Our friends are not thrust upon us — we choose them. Some of our favorite films, […]

Mother Leaves Memory Box to Grateful Daughters

Posted on July 25, 2010 - by Alex James

The following is based on a true story: Some time after our mother’s death, my sister and I arranged to meet at our mother’s home to begin the process of sorting out her belongings. It was a beautiful spring morning; the sun was shining and the first blossoms were appearing on the trees. There was a mix of feelings for both of us; on one hand we knew that we had to start the process of cleaning and sorting, and on the other, we felt the finality and having to accept that Mum had died. We stood in the hallway. “It’s cold,” […]

Helping Others Helps You

Posted on July 25, 2010 - by Ariane de Bonvoisin

Taking time to put your situation to the side and to focus on somebody else is a powerful way to get back in touch with who you are and what you can give. When you stop obsessing about your own pain and problems and instead direct your energy to helping somebody else, you will find that you also have the strength to move through your grief. I know a woman who recently became a single mother. During this period, she decided to help an elderly woman who lived across the street in her neighborhood with grocery shopping, meals, and general […]

Writing Poetry Helps Decades After Friend’s Death

Posted on July 24, 2010 - by Anne Hamilton

June 11th of last year was the 30th anniversary of the death of my friend Curtis in a car accident. As part of my healing process, I set out on a “deliberate journey of the soul,” to clean out whatever vestiges of internal emotional and psychological damage that might be stopping me from living a full life. I trusted that if I thought again about Curtis, I would learn something valuable about myself. And as a writer and artist, I knew that I would express myself in appropriate and meaningful ways. In this series, I share the things I’ve learned, […]

How to Tell Your Grief Story So Others Will Listen

Posted on July 23, 2010 - by Harriet Hodgson

Every mourner has a story to share. You may share your story with family members, close friends, and community groups. But you need to share it without upsetting listeners so much they turn you off. How can you do this? I have shared my story of multiple losses with many groups and take a “then and now” approach. It begins with the darkness of multiple losses, moves on to coping, doing my grief work, and the new life I am living today. You may take a similar approach. Jenna Baddeley offers some tips in her “Psychology Today” website article, “Speaking […]

Six Months After Sister’s Murder, an Arrest and More Questions

Posted on July 22, 2010 - by Shirley Wiles-Dickinson

When my sister was murdered in her home in September of 2009, my life changed forever. The questions that flood your mind in these circumstances are unbearable. Not knowing who murdered my sister was all-consuming. Every day, I waited for my phone to ring, to hear the detective’s voice telling me an arrest was made. I tried to prepare myself for that day. How would I react? Would I be overjoyed? Would I feel relief? There is no script for this, no rule book. You learn as you go. I experienced frustration at the lack of an answer. I already […]

The Healing Power of Creativity

Posted on July 21, 2010 - by Tambre Leighn

When my late husband and I first began dating, he set clear boundaries with regard to his time. Sundays during football season were off limits. He was an avid fan and pretty good at picking the spreads. Saturday mornings were dedicated to painting out on the back patio of his sparsely furnished West Hollywood apartment. So he was pleasantly surprised to find out that I loved football and I, too, had interests I wished to continue to nurture outside of our relationship. As our lives unfolded and we moved from dating to marriage, from a rental in West Hollywood to […]

Widow’s Separation From Husband is ‘Temporary’

Posted on July 20, 2010 - by Christine Thiele

This life is so temporary. We don’t seem to get that most times. Over the last months, it has become so clear to me that we are not meant for this earth forever. We are eternal beings with our hearts, souls and beings based in something bigger and better than this place that we walk in now. Ten months ago, my husband died. We are young (by my standards). He was 46. We just had our second child. I was banking on happily ever after. He truly was my prince charming. He is dead now and I am not. I […]

Parents Who Lose Children Become Survivors

Posted on July 19, 2010 - by Louise Lagerman

I have had a lot of parents, new on this grief journey, ask me if the feelings of intense anger they feel over their child’s death is normal. My answer is yes, a resounding yes. It is perfectly normal and expected for one to have intense feelings of anger, bitterness, and a feeling that life is just not fair. It is also normal and natural, to feel singled out, like you are being picked on or punished because you lost your child or grandchild. After our shock wears off, we go through a denial and isolation stage. This really isn’t […]

Lost in the Widowhood

Posted on July 18, 2010 - by Catherine Tidd

“I feel so lost.” How many times have we felt that way? How many times have we heard that from other grievers? How many times have we just wanted to pull on a t-shirt that says it, so we just don’t have to explain anymore why we’re operating in such a daze? We all go through these periods of feeling lost. Like we’re floating out there in the world with nothing to anchor us. We make the best effort we can to find that connection–the internet, support groups, counseling–something, anything to make us feel like we’re still part of the […]