Using Antidepressant Medication in Grief

Question from a Reader: About four weeks ago, I came off an antidepressant which allowed the unresolved grief issues over my brother’s death to surface. I believe that the antidepressant kept me from fully grieving his loss, which I am in the process of doing now.  A colleague, therapist, and good friend who has known me over the years knows exactly where I am and says perhaps just a small dosage of an antidepressant (not the one that I was on) could be beneficial until resolution and integration is accomplished.  I see my M.D. on Monday to explain what has been going on, and to get a med check (I am also on a thyroid medication). I seem to be doing well and don’t really want to take any more meds.  I would appreciate any advice in this respect.

My response: Since your physician knows your personal health history, he or she is in a better position to evaluate your need for medication, but I think you are wise to arm yourself with some useful information before meeting with your doctor on Monday.  Keep in mind, too, that while M.D.s are qualified to prescribe medications, not all physicians are knowledgeable about grief and the normal mourning process.  In his classic text, Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy, grief expert J. William Worden notes,

There has been much discussion among mental health professionals about the use of medication in the management of acute, normal grief. The consensus is that medication ought to be used sparingly and focused on giving relief from anxiety or from insomnia as opposed to providing relief from depressive symptoms . . . It is usually inadvisable to give antidepressant medications to people undergoing an acute grief reaction. These anti-depressants take a long time to work, they rarely relieve normal grief symptoms, and they could pave the way for an abnormal grief response, though this has yet to be proved through controlled studies. The exception would be in cases of major depressive episodes. Psychiatrist Beverly Raphael (2001) affirmed that, although our psychological understandings of bereavement have increased, there is not yet a good basis for biological intervention. Pharmacological approaches should, for the most part, only be provided where there is an established disorder for which they are indicated. I would concur with this (pp. 70-71).

In 1989, an Institute of Medicine Committee for the Study of Health Consequences of the Stress of Bereavement stated that it did not recommend the use of anti-depressants “for individuals whose grief remains within the normal bounds of intensity and duration.”

Notice that both these references speak about normal grief, or grief within the normal bounds of intensity and duration. Normal grief is neither an illness nor a pathological condition; it is a normal response to losing a loved one. However, since we all are unique human beings with our own individual backgrounds and experiences, what is normal can vary considerably from one griever to the next, and how our grief is expressed will vary as well.

Everyone grieves differently according to their age, gender, personality, culture, value system, past experiences with loss, and available support.  How you react to your brother’s death depends on how you’ve reacted to other crises in your life; on what was lost when this death happened (e.g., who you were in your relationship with your brother); on who died (i.e., what your brother meant to you and the role he played in your life); on when his death occurred (at what point in your life cycle as well as his); and on how (the circumstances surrounding his death, and how his death occurred).

As you probably already know, whether a person is grieving or not, using medications for sleeplessness, depression and/or anxiety involves certain risks, such as impaired motor coordination and mental acuity. Drug dependence, especially when drugs are taken in combination with alcohol, is also a risk. Be sure to ask your physician about any potential side effects and/or drug interactions, to avoid aggravating existing problems or creating new ones.

Before discussing  all of this with your doctor, you may find it helpful to review these articles as well:

Interview, Are We Medicating Normal Grief?

When and How to Use Medicine for Grief

You can also read a very personal account of one woman’s experience with antidepressants (and the comments it generated) in this entry on the Widow’s Voice Blog, Honest to a Fault .

Whether you decide with your doctor to continue taking medication or not, I also encourage you to educate yourself about the grief process, because your grief journey will feel so much safer and more predictable, you’ll understand yourself better, and you’ll feel less “crazy” and afraid. Visit my Grief Healing  website and some of the links listed on my Death of a Sibling page.

Using the search engine at the top of Open to Hope‘s Web page, type in the words “sibling loss” and see what articles come up for you.  Read and learn about bereavement through books, articles, audiotapes, seminars, workshops, classes and support groups. Visit sites specifically aimed at adults whose siblings have died, such as Adult Sibling Grief. Such activities expose you to models of survival and growth, and can give you hope that you can make it through this, too.

I hope this information proves useful to you, my dear, and for the loss of your beloved brother, you have my deepest sympathy.

© 2010 by Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, DCC


Marty Tousley

More Articles Written by Marty

As both a bereaved parent and a bereaved daughter herself, Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, DCC has focused her practice on issues of grief, loss and transition for more than 40 years. She joined Hospice of the Valley in Phoenix, AZ as a Bereavement Counselor in 1996, and for ten years served as moderator for its innovative online grief support forums. She obtained sole ownership of the Grief Healing Discussion Groups in October, 2013, where she continues to serve as moderator. A frequent contributor to health care journals, newsletters, books and magazines, she is the author of Finding Your Way through Grief: A Guide for the First Year: Second Edition, The Final Farewell: Preparing for and Mourning the Loss of Your Pet, and Children and Pet Loss: A Guide for Helping. She has written a number of booklets for Hospice of the Valley including Explaining the Funeral /Memorial Service to Your Children and Helping Another in Grief, as well as monthly columns, e-books and online e-mail courses for Self-Healing Expressions, addressing various aspects of grief and loss. With her special interest in grief and the human-animal bond, Marty facilitated a pet loss support group for bereaved animal lovers in Phoenix for 15 years, and now serves as consultant to the Pet Loss Support Group at Hospice of the Valley and to the Ontario Pet Loss Support Group in Ontario, Canada. Her work in pet loss and bereavement has been featured in the pages of Phoenix Magazine, The Arizona Republic, The East Valley Tribune, Arizona Veterinary News, Hospice Horizons, The Forum (ADEC Newsletter), The AAB Newsletter, Dog Fancy Magazine, Cat Fancy Magazine, Woof Magazine and Pet Life Magazine. Marty’s Grief Healing website and blog offer information, comfort and support to anyone who is anticipating or mourning the loss of a loved one, whether a person or a cherished companion animal. She is certified as a Fellow in Thanatology (Death, Dying and Bereavement) by the Association for Death Education and Counseling, as a Distance Credentialed Counselor by the Center for Credentialing and Education, and as a Clinical Specialist in Adult Psychiatric/Mental Health Nursing Practice by the American Nurses Association. Marty and her husband Michael have two grown sons and four grandchildren. They spend their winters in Scottsdale, AZ and Sarasota, FL, and enjoy their summers in Traverse City, MI. Marty welcomes reader questions and comments, and can be contacted at [email protected] or through her Web sites, at,, and


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  • Linda Pountney says:

    I applaud your answer to this question and also agree that education on grief is very important.

  • Marty Tousley says:

    Thank you, Linda ~ I so appreciate your comment, and your work as well, at

  • Thomas Rogers says:

    My concern for looking into this information was if my antidepressant medication was interfering with the normal grief process. I have found that I have not had episodes of crying which I would think would be a normal grieving process. The only time that I have come to tears was in discussing the lost and I have occurred. My concern was whether or not that I would move through the grieving process in a normal time. While taking the antidepressants. Although I am not on a heavy dose I seem to lack some of the emotions that I would have thought normal for what I have been going through.

    • I don’t know your medical history, but if you are taking an antidepressant now, I assume that means you are under a physician’s care for depression ~ and you would be wise to discuss your concerns about medication with your doctor. Bear in mind that we all grieve differently according to a number of different factors, including our relationship to the person who died, how the person died, our own past history with loss, our unique personality and coping skills ~ even our gender. (See, for example, How We Mourn: Understanding Our Differences.)
      How we respond to significant loss is as unique as our fingerprint, and there is no right or wrong way to mourn ~ there is only your way, which you must discover for yourself. In addition, there is no specific time frame for grief, since what is “normal time” for you will not be the same for someone else. You might do well to schedule a session or two with a qualified grief counselor who can guide and support you through this process, and who will help you better understand and manage your own reactions.