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People Will Say Stupid Stuff

Posted on May 13, 2024 - by Brooke Carlock

People Will Say Stupid Stuff When it comes to insensitive comments, you will be on the receiving end of a ton of them. Yes, people will say stupid stuff. It’s important to keep in mind that it’s usually not the offending person’s fault—grief is an awkward topic for most people, and they struggle for the right words of comfort. Most people just grasp at straws and then fall back on common platitudes. Here are some platitudes that I personally heard. Religious People Will Say Stupid Stuff “God needed another angel in Heaven,” “God called her home,” and “God only takes […]

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Practicing Gratitude in Grief

Posted on May 13, 2024 - by Brooke Carlock

Practicing Gratitude in Grief OK, OK. Before you throw lasagna in my face, let me just assure you that this section is not going to be full of toxic positivity and the rah-rah crap that makes grieving people want to vomit. What I am going to do is share how I, personally, have employed gratitude practices throughout my grief journey to help me feel just a little bit lighter, a little more hopeful, and a little less griefy. (Is that a word?) It turns out that practicing gratitude is scientifically proven to help shift our vibes in a more positive […]

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Create Meaning Through Ritual

Posted on May 13, 2024 - by Brooke Carlock

Create Meaning Through Ritual Creating traditions, rituals, and ceremonies that celebrate your person is the shit. Seriously. It’s the opposite of the get-over-it and move-on mentality. Instead, by celebrating the existence of the person we lost and including details of their personality and passions in traditions that honor their legacy, we create meaning that makes us feel whole again. I mean, if your person is anything like my daughter, they’re fucking amazing and deserve to be celebrated! Remembering what made my daughter special fills the void created by her absence. Whether it’s lighting a candle during holidays, visiting a grave […]

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Childhood Pet’s Violent Death Still Haunts

Posted on May 6, 2024 - by Anne Abel

Childhood Pet was a Gift My father worked in a lab at MIT next door to an animal experimentation lab. The summer I was seven, he surprised us with a beagle puppy that the lab didn’t need anymore. He was so cute and cuddly. “Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini” was a song I heard all the time on the radio at our neighbors’ house. I immediately named the puppy Teenie. I loved this little dog. He was perfect. I would nestle beside him on the living room rug, rubbing his warm belly and pat- ting his soft […]

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Envision a Future after Grief

Posted on May 6, 2024 - by Brooke Carlock

Envision a Future after Grief What do you want your future to be? I realize that this question, to someone in the deep, dark midst of grief, is a terrifying—even agonizing—one. Remember that Jerry Maguire-esque mission statement I told you about? I wrote it a month before my daughter Libby died, after losing my shit one day trying to be a full-time working wife and mother. At the time, I was utterly exhausted trying to be ALL THINGS to ALL. THE. PEOPLE while never letting anyone down. I felt like I was failing miserably at everything, and I had no […]

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Forgiveness and the Shadow of Grief

Posted on May 6, 2024 - by Nina Norstrom

Living Under the Shadow of Grief Now, I’m living my best life.  There was a time when I thought I could not move out of the shadow of darkness.  While grieving, some tend to live in that space for just a bit.  Others do a mere stop-by, as if pausing at a stop sign, and moving on. Then there are those like me who spent [seemingly] an eternity inside the shadow of grief. Professionals have commonly given this form of grief sufferance a label. In its purity, it is classified as complicated grief.  So, how does one define that complicated […]

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When Grief Causes Mental Health Problems

Posted on May 6, 2024 - by Ilana Estelle

Grief support and mental health are deeply interconnected aspects of wellbeing. Grief is a natural response to loss, whether it’s the death of losing someone close, the end of a relationship, or any significant change or loss in one’s life. It is essential to recognise that there is no right or wrong to grieve and that grieving is a highly individual process. It is different for each of us. Prolonged or Intense Grief Prolonged or intense grief can impact mental health significantly. It can also lead to symptoms of depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress disorder (“PTSD”) in some cases. Seeking […]

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Grievers Need to Tell Their Stories

Posted on May 6, 2024 - by Jane P. Williams

Grievers Need to Tell Their Stories Because of the personal and varying nature of grief, I believe that narratives—stories—are critically important and helpful both for accepting death and coping with loss. Initially, we often need to tell our story of a death over and over to ourselves internally or to others. This helps us assimilate what has happened. It is almost as if we need to imprint the experience to make it real. I once had a wise mentor who was supervising my work with a patient who kept telling his history over and over. I asked her when she thought he would stop repeating […]

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Writing Through the Pain of an Unsolved Homicide

Posted on May 6, 2024 - by Lori Grande

Writing Through the Pain of an Unsolved Homicide Sometimes a sprout can push through a crack in a sidewalk.  Likewise, openings for self-empowerment and healing can grow while living with the cement-like pain of an unsolved homicide.  By diving into our inward landscape and releasing that which grips internally, our relationship with and response to external experiences may be transformed. Writing creates a path to allow what lies beneath the surface to be harnessed in meaningful and productive ways. Why Write? Verbalizing feelings comes with risks; to reveal means to expose and make vulnerable.  Writing connects the brain to the […]

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The Many Types of Tears

Posted on April 29, 2024 - by Brooke Carlock

The Many Types of Tears I’ve cried about every type of cry there is since Libby died. There are the public, tears-silently-running-down-the-cheeks cries and the I’m-so-sad-I-just-have-to-get-it-out, medium-sized cries, and then there are the I-am-so-hysterical-I-literally-can’t-breathe-and-want-to-die cries. One evening, I cried so hard that I actually broke a blood vessel in my nose and blood started pouring out onto my desk and lap. I was in my office and ran to the bathroom, where I just stood there, hunched over on the sink for support, while the blood gushed out of my nose and I sobbed and choked. I don’t get nosebleeds, […]

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