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Memories: A Call to Reconnect

Posted on May 21, 2010 - by Stan Goldberg

Did you ever have a memory that rode into your consciousness on the back of a passing odor, object, or random word? It might have been something you desperately tried to forget, but it was able to seep through the protective wall you created as if it was made of cheesecloth. I knew I would have one of those experiences at the rededication of the Zen Hospice Project’s Guest House in San Francisco, the site seven years ago of my initial hospice training and service as a bedside volunteer. I entered the beautiful refurbished Victorian and roamed through the rooms […]

Dating Again Brings Up Feelings of Love and Loss

Posted on May 20, 2010 - by Lisa Peacock

Recently, I started dating. This major event in my life has brought up questions about my mother and father. What would they think of this man? Would my father be protective? Would my mother tell me stories of her dating experience? All of these questions bring pain and despair. I am encompassed by the reality that they are gone. When I feel this way, I bring out pictures and videos. I sit watching and listening, trying to make them as real as possible. But what happens when you dig too deep? When you try too hard to make them real […]

Poem: The Silver Tears

Posted on May 19, 2010 - by Louise Lagerman

The Silver Tears And so it begins Silver tears falling like soft rain Cascading downward on its sad journey Arriving at my empty soul and shattered heart The silver tears come because we are apart I try to see the beauty in things I yearn to be near the warm sun I listen for laughter and splendor but the silver tears just bide their time for they know that behind every smile every warm embrace The reality of you being gone will let the silver tears escape and so it begins — by Louise Lagerman

The Power of Remembering: Grandfather’s Pipe

Posted on May 18, 2010 - by Marty Tousley

A person who is gone can live on in memory as an active agent in one’s life, not just as someone you love and miss, not just as a nostalgic sadness. — Elizabeth Harper Neeld, in Seven Choices: Finding Daylight after Loss Shatters Your World The following piece was written by my younger son, Benjamin Ralph Tousley, as an entry in his journal. He sent it to me yesterday and, with his permission, I’m sharing it here as one example of the power of remembering. As Ben’s story demonstrates, death may end a life, but it does not end our […]

Helping Those in Pain Requires Acceptance, Compassion

Posted on May 17, 2010 - by Stan Goldberg

A client who was dying once said to me, “Every day, I feel as if I’m on one of those exercise boards that rest on a ball. Just when I steady the damn thing, it starts moving and I’m struggling again to balance myself. Why don’t people realize that’s what my life has become?” I’ve heard similar descriptions for thirty years from clients and patients living with chronic and terminal illnesses. Many believed that not only did they have to deal with the effects of their illness, but also the unskillful acts of friends and loved ones who didn’t understand […]

Bereaved Father Discovers He’s Not Alone

Posted on May 14, 2010 - by Patrick T. Malone

A few weeks after my son, Lance, was killed, my wife Kathy, received some information about the Compassionate Friends; she wanted to go to a meeting. She told me it was a support group for bereaved parents. My reaction was I didn’t need a support group. All my life, I was the one person that people turned to in crisis. I was the cool head under fire. I was the fixer. I surely didn’t need a support group, but Kathy was in no shape to drive herself so I went with her. I went into this sharing group and when […]

Grief and a Lack of Good Photos

Posted on May 13, 2010 - by Kim Go

Photos can become a treasured possession when we are grieving. Unfortunately, circumstances may result in regrets about the photos we possess. We cannot change a lack of historical photos in our archives, but we can address the problem with creativity. Because photography is an interpretive art, we can feel liberty to create our own interpretive visuals. If you are grieving a lack of photos – consider the following: – Take a tip from our Victorian ancestors. When photography was introduced in the 19th century, the limitation of time and geography immediately became apparent to our ancestors. They responded by bringing […]

Fourth Mother’s Day Without Nicholas was the Hardest

Posted on May 13, 2010 - by Diane Dyer

On my journey through grief, after losing my 16-year-old son in an auto accident, I have come to fully understand one fact: the waves of hopelessness and despair are never too far away. The waves can come out of nowhere and render you powerless. Even though this past Mother’s Day was my fourth without my son, it was the worst for me. Perhaps the shrinking veil of denial leaves me face to face with a deeper understanding of the crater left in my life. I want to run away from my life and start a new one. If only it […]

Anger is Natural After a Loss

Posted on May 13, 2010 - by Mary Jane Cronin

Anger is a common natural human emotion following a death. Finding that you are feeling angry at the situation, at a person in particular, or just angry in general is understandable. Getting the anger out in an appropriate way can be a challenge. Traditionally, when angry, you may have been conditioned to “hold your tongue,” suffer in silence, when what you really wanted to do was to yell at the top of your lungs. As a young child, I was taught to hold my anger inside. It was not “lady-like” to scream, yell, or tell someone you were mad at them. […]

‘Sole Parenthood’ Challenges Young Widow and Her Kids

Posted on May 12, 2010 - by Stephanie Cooper

There are times when, as a sole parent, I feel as if I’m carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. When I say “sole” parent, I mean only parent. There is no other parent around to pick up the kids every other weekend. There is no one that can in-case-of-emergency run and grab the kids from school and make sure they are fed while I wrap up whatever it is I happen to be caught up in. There is no one sending me a check every month to cover our joint childcare expenses. There is no one with […]