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The Difference Between Empathy and Sympathy

Posted on February 17, 2010 - by Robbie Miller Kaplan

The words sympathy and empathy are often used interchangeably, and yet they are distinct expressions. In times of death, it’s customary to extend sympathy by sharing our sorrow for what’s happened. Sympathy cards are usually synonymous with condolence messages. When extending sympathy, we’re expressing concern for another’s feelings. Cards, notes, phone calls, e-mails, meals, and offers of assistance are all expressions of sympathy. But you don’t offer empathy, you feel it. Empathy is the act of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. It’s trying to imagine, “How would I feel if this happened to me?” And it’s the ability to […]

Remembering Super Bowl Sundays With Dad

Posted on February 16, 2010 - by Eric Tomei

I am a huge sports nut. I love just about every sport, and growing up I tried everything except hockey. So I was ready to watch the recent Super Bowl between the Indianapolis Colts and the New Orleans Saints. I remember that the Super Bowl was one game that my dad would sit and watch. He wouldn’t say much, but almost always watchedtogether. I don’t really think that he cared who won. But watching a game together still ranks as one of the fond memories of him. For that one day, I felt like my dad was my buddy, a friend. I hated […]

Writing Affirmations Can Help With Grief

Posted on February 15, 2010 - by Harriet Hodgson

In 2007, when I was devastated by the deaths of four loved ones, I looked for new ways to cope with grief. Though I had good coping skills, nothing had prepared me for multiple losses. Since I am a writer, I followed my instincts, and started writing about grief. I did something else, too. Each morning, when I awoke, I thought of an affirmation that would get me through the day. The list started out small and became so long that I kept a computer list of affirmations. Writing one-sentence affirmations was a lot like writing poetry. Eventually, my grief […]

How Rose Reached Across Time to Comfort Me

Posted on February 14, 2010 - by Yvonne Lancaster

In high school, I worked as a kitchen aide in a nearby rest home. The home was a beautiful Victorian, formerly owned by a prominent business man. Throughout renovations to accommodate the elderly, the façade pretty much remained the same: three stories with steep roof pitches, an attention-grabbing turret and a few new dormers. The porches were large with hand-turned posts. The decorative railings and ornate gable trim gave the home an Edwardian look and feel. The home was on a quiet street lined with elms which shaded the porches on sunny days. My main duties seemed quite simple enough: […]

Choosing to Live Even as a Child is Dying

Posted on February 13, 2010 - by Lisa Buell

Until her last breath, I never believed my daughter Madison was going to die. Three years after she took that last breath I considered that maybe she wouldn’t be coming back. Denial is a huge part of parental grief, a necessary part; it’s what helps us to get up in the morning. Denial was exactly what enabled me to mother my child all the way through her transition. I understood that she might die, and we made all the necessary calls to get friends and family to our home when Maddy’s breathing changed. We didn’t put her through extraneous testing […]

‘Up’ With Grief: Film Review

Posted on February 12, 2010 - by Abel Keogh

It’s hard to find movies for adults that adequately deal with the death of a spouse and putting one’s life back together. Fortunately, one of the movies nominated for the Best Picture Oscar does a great job of dealing with the subjects of death, grief, and moving on better than any other film in recent memory—and its target audience is kids. The movie? “Up.” In the first 20 minutes of the film, we see Carl Fredricksen as a boy meeting his future wife, Ellie. When they grow up, they both want to become explorers and journey to faraway lands. Ellie […]

Daughter Wants to Help Mom after Death of Beloved Dog

Posted on February 11, 2010 - by Marty Tousley

Question from a reader: I am writing in hopes that you may be able to provide advice or support that I can give my parents who just had to euthanize their 12-year-old Golden Lab, Baxter. He had to be put to sleep because he could not walk anymore. It was a very sad event for the whole family, especially for my mother who was home alone a lot with him. Since he was buried last Sunday, my mother has not been able to let go of the fact that neither the vet nor my mom closed Baxter’s eyes before he was […]

Film Review: The Lovely Bones

Posted on February 10, 2010 - by Mitch Carmody

I know of two books published in 2002 that dealt with the death a child in a young family’s life. In the stories, the children are different in ages and gender, the cause of death is different, the grieving process is different; one book is fiction, the other a true story. In both books, I found many similarities in processing the loss of a child. Both books reflect the belief that there truly is life after death on both sides of the equation; for the departed and for those left behind. The fiction book is called The Lovely Bones and […]

Four Seasons of Marriage

Posted on February 10, 2010 - by Mary Jane Hurley Brant

By Mary Jane Hurley Brant, M.S., CGP — This month, let’s talk about the four seasons of marriage: Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. Usually we think of marriage as a relationship with our partner but it can also be the state of marriage solely within us called “the inner marriage.” The inner marriage is an intimate relationship with ourself. We need a strong inner marriage of love, appreciation, understanding and respect for ourself in order to experience the serenity, joy, and connection attainable in an outer marriage. The Spring of Marriage is when matrimony begins. We are often young and […]

New Year’s Struggles With Grief

Posted on February 8, 2010 - by Barb Roberts

We all are programmed to look forward to each New Year. How many times have you heard, late in the previous year, “I just want this year to be over with.” “I look forward to next year when things will begin anew, things will be better. ” The implication is that the mere change of the calendar 2010 carries with it the assurance that whatever it was in the previous year that was painful WILL be different…WILL be better…problems WILL be solved. For those of us who have carried that expectation and been disappointed, let me call to your attention a different […]