When we are children growing up, it usually never enters our mind that anything, or anybody in our lives will ever change. We envision our parents as being with us always. Our grandparents are a delight and we certainly can’t imagine our lives disconnected from them. Without a doubt, in our innocent thinking, we will sail into the beautiful sunset with all of our siblings.
What a devastating wake-up call to find out that people die, that our lives forever change when the people we love the most go by way of the grave.
When we lost extended and distant family members, the hit to our hearts and minds was still somewhat bearable. After all, we did not see and fellowship with them on a daily or regular basis. However, when death started removing people from within our immediate family, parents, grandparents, and siblings, a shift happened. We began to view life differently. What we once held to be so important suddenly lost its importance. What we once worried about ceased to be a bother. What happened? Our lives changed, so we changed.
We grow up with the love, comfort, and security of our parents, of our grandparents, and of our sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts, and uncles. And then, one by one, they begin to die and to leave us. We can no longer call them on the phone, or visit their homes, or spend time with them playing, shopping, laughing, planning for the holidays, etc… The reality is like being drenched with a bucket of cold water. We’re initially shocked! We begin to sputter! We’re numb with cold! We look around in disbelief, trying to locate the culprit who made us a victim of the sudden splash of cold water! We want to shout, “Wait! Where is everybody going?! Why are you leaving?!”
We are then left here to continue living within a changed existence. How will we cope? We did not consider the inevitability of change. Did we hide our heads in the sand? No. Not really. We were simply carrying on with our daily lives, giving little to no thought to the truth that, as time moved forward, our lives would eventually and continually change, including the fact that loved ones would one day exit our lives.
Nonetheless, humanity has been adapting to change since the dawn of creation. No one copes with loss the same way, but as this life continues, we, as a human race, perpetually learn that change, in some shape, form, or fashion, is indeed inevitable.
Barbara Ann, this really captures something that most people dont talk about until theyre deep in it. that image of being drenched with cold water.. thats exactly how sudden loss feels. you go from your normal tuesday to a completely different life in one phone call.
the part about childhood innocence hit me. nobody prepares kids for the fact that people leave. we grow up assuming everyone will always be there and then one day they arent and it rewires everything.
I work with families after loss and I see this shift you describe constantly. the things that used to matter so much, the career stress, the petty arguments, all of it just falls away. and in its place is this raw clarity about what actually matters. its painful but its also one of the most honest places a person can be.
change is inevitable. but how we walk through it isnt.