Sasha writes in: My father passed away three years ago following a stroke. I loved him very much but I have never gotten on with my mother. My sister told me yesterday that our mother has started dating again. Apparently it’s been going on for six months – maybe more. I realise it’s childish but I’m very angry with her. I feel like it’s a betrayal of my father and of course us (the children). I should be happy with her, I know, that she’s able to get on with her life. My sister tells me that Mom keeps a picture of her new man (and herself) next to Dad’s bed. For me, that’s disrespectful. How can I stop hating the witch? Should I arrange for a morphine infusion – which is what my mother did to her mother because she was tired of waiting for her to die – or should I just pretend not to know and treat her with the indifference that has been our relationship all our lives. Oh, and I’ve just been diagnosed with cancer. I’m thinking I won’t tell her because she’s already too happy. Yes, I’m very bitter. Are there pills that would help with this? Oh and family counselling won’t help because she won’t change. Any thoughts or helpful comments would be appreciated.
Dr. Fred Luskin, author of Forgive For Good, responds: Sasha: After reading your post, the word that comes to my mind is grief. You seem unable to grieve and then move on. First, your father’s loss caused grief, and second, your own bout with a serious illness has you grieving. Grief is full of pain, but it ends. We suffer because we recognize the fragility of human life and the lack of power we have. Grief includes many moments of sadness, fear, anger and helplessless, but evolves into an understanding that all things pass. Your father is gone and soon your mother will be as well. My suggestion is to allow your mother to be happy and put your energy into healing yourself, both of your physical illness and of the loss of your father. Good luck.
— Fred
Tags: anger, grief, hope
