There is a tendency in our society to talk about healing loss, like it is a physical wound.  It reduces loss to nothing more than an illness to be cured.  Our objective is to heal it as quickly as possible and get back to normal.

This approach has failed us in our understanding of loss and made us miss the real nature of loss.  It has created a society that is reluctant to express loss, and we thus keep the loss inside of us, instead of letting it go.

Transformation is the real nature of loss.  It shows us that we don’t need to heal anything.  We can take our loss and change it into something more, something better for ourselves.  It means that not only do we let go of our loss but we gain something far greater in return.

We become just like caterpillars entering the cocoon stage.  By going into the darkness of our loss and accepting it rather than fighting against it, we can emerge from loss, brighter and lighter than ever before.

Transforming loss means you become aware that life is too short.  It is the awareness that life is incredibly precious and we have a responsibility to live fully and die without regrets.  Transforming loss means changing fundamental aspects of your life.  It means acknowledging and experiencing deep and sometimes painful emotions.  It means facing demons and letting them go.  It means discovering your hidden dreams about what you really want for your life.

Transforming loss can be uncomfortable.  Yet in loss, we are already uncomfortable.  So rather than running from it, transforming loss requires that you accept it and explore it.  It takes courage. It is far easier to heal loss and continue living as you did before.

There is a tendency for loss to tap into unresolved past painful experiences.  If we don’t take the time to acknowledge these and let them go, we stay forever trapped by them like the caterpillar on the plant’s leaf.  It also requires us to be brutally honest with ourselves and become aware of behaviour that doesn’t work in our best interests and change it.

By choosing to transform loss, you create a statement of intent.  A statement that says I deserve the best for myself.  Transforming loss can increase happiness and increase health.  It can give you the opportunity to find your true purpose and fulfill your wildest dreams.

Ask yourself this.  Do you wish to live your life as a caterpillar?  Or are you prepared to metamorphosis into a butterfly and experience everything that life truly has to offer?

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Tabitha Jayne

Tabitha Jayne is a leading expert in the field of grief and growth coaching, having first developed an interest in the topic following the sudden death of her younger brother. The founder of “Transform Grief. Live Fully. Thrive Loss” coaching and workshops, Tabitha is also the creator of “Tree of Transformation”, a five-step process that helps individuals fully let go of grief and transform loss into a lasting legacy that positively impacts both themselves and the world. Her latest book is Thriving Loss: Move beyond grief to a place of peace, passion and purpose. She is also a contributing author in Open to Hope: Inspirational stories of healing after loss and has presented on The Transformative Power of Nature in Grief and Loss at the International Conference on Grief and Bereavement in Contemporary Society and the ADEC Annual Conference. She is also the Head Coach of Grief & Growth Coaching at the International Coach Academy. She says, “The death of my brother was the most profound experience and loss in my life. It made me realise that life is too short and challenged me to transform my own life into something that I was proud of. Despite all the pain and anguish, all the tears and hurt, my brother dying is one of the best things that happened to me. Peter motived me to learn to live life fully both as tribute to him and to gain meaning from tragedy.” Tabitha is a Certified Professional Coach from the International Coach Academy and an Associate Certified Coach with the International Coaching Federation. Her academic background is in Psychology with a BSc (Hons) from Queen Margaret University, Edinburgh where she conducted research into “Attachment and the Type of Loss Experienced by the Bereaved in Continuing Bonds”. She is currently completing a M.S. in Applied Ecopsychology and Coaching in Grief and Growth with Project NatureConnect, The Institute of Global Education. Prior to founding ‘Transform Grief. Live Fully. Thrive Loss’ and working with clients worldwide helping them to live more and grieve less, Tabitha was the co-founder and director of Pedro Project, a non-profit organization which ran for 6 years providing information, advice and support to help bereaved young people. During this time she was a finalist in the Everywoman 2004 awards as well as Cosmopolitan´s Fun, Fearless Female 2006 Awards. She was also featured in The Sun, The Sunday Post Magazine, Cosmopolitan Magazine, Edinburgh Evening News and on local and regional radio as well as in the Channel 4 documentary for young adults entitled “Losing You” Get your free audio of the Introduction and Chapter One of Thriving Loss: Move beyond grief to a place of peace, passion and purpose at

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