Grief is complicated, it takes time to work through. Losing someone isn’t something you just tell yourself you’re okay with, it’s more complex than that. It’s also not something that should be ignored. Unravelling issues and working through relationships, takes time. Grief is also complex and intertwined, it takes time to adjust.

The Workings of the Mind

We may never come to understand the workings of the mind, because it is complex. What we all think can differ, but what makes it even more complicated, is the experiences we carry and how we will view the world, through those experiences. Two people can share the same experiences, but they will take different things from those experiences. It is the same with grief, brought about through loss.

Grief is complex, because you’re not only dealing with your experiences, but you’re also dealing with grief brought about through loss. When you lose someone, it’s easy to fixate on the things that happened; the negative, the things you wish you could have changed, the things you wish you’d said, or the things you said that you wish you could take back.

Relationships Don’t Always Work Out

But it’s also important to accept relationships are complicated and complex and sometimes they don’t always work out. We don’t always get what we want or need. You can’t always know or anticipate how others will react. Where we think we know someone, we can’t always know. We don’t also know how someone will deal with grief or loss, or how they will react to our loss, our grief. How they react to grief, may not be how you react, or how you thought they would react.

But when it comes to life, we all have things to deal with. What someone else deals with is for them. What matters is how you mediate and deal with your things. Where trauma happens, as the adult it is important to look inward and to take control for how you feel. As the child, where a parent is responsible, as the adult, it is important to take responsibility for yourself.

Loss is Profound

Loss is profound, which can create a ripple effect, that can affect you in other areas of your life, if you choose not to deal with your loss. Having lost my twin in December 2022, my loss and grief feels a little more complex. Our twin births, our lives and shared experiences make it more complex, more complicated.

But it is always worth working through grief, to make the load feel lighter and to help stave off illness. When you ignore grief, it comes back in that moment when you take a moment to reflect.

Read more from Ilana at her website: https://www.thecpdiary.com

Read more from Ilana on Open to Hope: Losing a Loved One Makes You Grow Up – Open to Hope

Ilana Estelle

Ilana was born with a disability she didn’t know she had until the age of 46, when something her mum said caused her to look further into her disability and sight of her medical notes revealed that she had been diagnosed with cerebral palsy at the age of 2. That discovery turned out to be a unique and life-changing experience that has forced Ilana to stand back and look at her life’s experiences differently. On receipt of her diagnosis, Ilana set up her website, The CP Diary and uses her experiences to explore her emotional and physical health, with an inspiring message advocating positivity, resilience and change. Ilana likes to spend her days writing and blogging about anything that contributes to her health and wellbeing. She is an animal advocate and is passionate about environmental issues. When she is not writing or tending to her blog, Ilana enjoys days out exploring the Yorkshire countryside. Ilana lives with her husband in Yorkshire. Her grown up son and daughter both live in London.

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