I just came to this site because I am grasping at straws. I lost my beloved first born son on June 10th. It was a para-suicide attempt that was nightmarishly successful. There is so much to say. My pain is so raw, and all-encompassing. It seems that people think I should get over it and ?get better?. I am in such a private dark place that I don?t even get that upset by well meaning though stupid remarks. My love will never die, and I think some people are saying something like that when they say I?ll get over it. I have two other sons. All my boys are complete and seperate irreplacable miracle. I cry for him, the loss of the experience of joy, love, holding his first baby. I feel so horribly guilty for so many reasons. I don?t know how I am functioning at my job. When I am off, I just seem to fall apart, stayed in bed yesterday all day and night. My love and concern go out to you. This was never in any script that I could forsee of my life. I read one thing ? You are now in a exclusive club that nobody wants to be in- those who have lost a child? I get frantic because I feel that he is caught in a place of fear and horror. I was informed that his last words were ?Oh my God, I?m dying, I don?t want to die, I don?t want to die!? and then he went into convulsions from an overdose of aspirin.I weep when I think that he wasn?t sure that I loved him. I am furious with my family for not reporting obviously suicidal signs in his behavior. I had no idea. I could ramble on, but thank you for describing your emotions, since I feel that I am completely unravelling. Marci

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Dear Marci,
?We are so very sorry for your loss. We have posted your letter, together with this response on the home page of The Grief Blog and with the article I Lost My Daughter 9 Weeks Ago, It can help others who also experience such pain and loss by helping them know that they are not alone and it can help you as well. June 10th is such a short time ago and your pain is so very fresh. Most people mean well and simply don?t understand the pain of losing a child and they do not understand that you have to grieve in your own time and your own way. It is a time to be gentle with yourself.
You might find it helpful to listen on Thursday mornings to the radio show Healing the Grieving Heart ?You can find information about it and a link to it on the first page of http://www.thegriefblog.com? You might also find a number of past shows that can give you help and comfort at http://thegriefblog.com/grief-grieving-death-of-a-child/ ?There are several shows about surviving the suicide of a loved one. For Instance? on March 29, 2007 Margaret Margo talked about ?Double Loss: A Mentally Ill Son Kills His Father and Then Himself? and on March 15, 2007 Eric Hipple, former quarterback for the Detroit? Lions, ?talked about the death of his teen age son from a self inflicted gun shot in his? story, ?Real Men Do Cry.?
Help and support can also be found through a Compassionate Friends Group in Your Area. For more information go to http://www.compassionatefriends.org/? You can find a local group as well as many valuable resources to help you along the way. Each member has experienced the death of a child and each has survived and grieved in his or her own way. ?They understand how well-meaning people say stupid things and they speak with the wisdom and compassion that comes from the experience of losing a child. With this group you do not have to walk this path alone. We suggest, too, that you might like to seek counseling from a professional grief counselor. When we are dealing with such pain, we need all the help we can get.
Blessings,
Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley
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