Many bereaved parents think of ending their life after their beloved child dies. The pain cuts so deep, and the longing to be with the child so intense.

I am going to share a story with you of what happened to me when I decided to end my life. I know without a doubt it was my daughter breaking through the realm of her dimension to save her mom.

It was my daughter’s gift to me.

It was four months after Keren died. I was so low, so empty, so depressed, I knew I couldn’t live on this earth without her. I work as an in-home nurse to a sweet 90-year-old lady, who was sleeping at the time.

The shutters were closed, her bedroom was very dark, and as I sat in the chair by my elderly lady’s bed, I decided I would end my life on my way home that evening to be with my daughter. I had been thinking about it for weeks but finally made up my mind at that moment.  I was that lonely for my daughter.

My daughter used to text me on my phone up to 20 times a day. Now my phone was dead silence, sad silence. Just another reminder that my beloved daughter is gone and never coming home again.

I knew just how to kill myself; I had been thinking about it for weeks. To go home, I have to drive through Houston. On the highway, there is a ramp, and if I crashed my car through the barrier, I would fall six feet.

Surely I would die and then I would be with my daughter again. I felt such resolve about this that I had ringing in my ears. The beauty of this was it would look like an accident so I was hoping that would help spare my family a little. God wouldn’t have been able to talk me out of it because at that time I was convinced there was no God. A loving God would not have taken my child.

As I contemplated all of this, my cell phone beeped. It was a text message. Who could that be? My phone had been so silent since my daughter died. So who could this be?

I looked at the text and it was from my then 17-year-old son James. The text read:

“MOM I need you, I love you please don’t go. Stay here for me. I NEED you.”

I was speechless, I was so shocked! James is a typical teen. The extent of his texts have always been simple: “Yes, Mom, I got to my friend’s house safely. Stop bugging me.”

How could he have know of my intention to crash my care?

I slowly dialed my sons cell phone, my heart beating fast, my hands shaking. I said to him, “James where are you?” He replied that he was at the mall with his girlfriend and she was trying on clothes.

I said, “James, why did you text this to me?”

He said he was sitting at the mall just waiting for his girlfriend, and all of a sudden, he felt Keren strongly all around him. Keren said to him, “JAMES, I want you to text this to Mom NOW!”

He heard this in his head.

Now, Keren was six years older than James and was very motherly towards him and told him what do a lot. So I have no doubt at all it was my daughter trying to stop her mom from committing suicide as I had planned.

And she knew the one chance she had of stopping me was to have one of my sons connect with me at just the moment I needed to see and hear those words.

Since that day, I have not thought of joining Keren again because I know that she wants me to stay here on Earth and be a mother to my two grown sons.

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Louise Lagerman

Louise Lagerman

Louise is a mother to three: two sons, Eric and James, and her daughter Keren, who died in 2006 at the age of 23. Louise has worked in health care for many years in the geriatric field. She lives with her husband Steven outside of Houston, Texas. A year ago, she created and opened up Grief Support website and message board with friend and fellow bereaved mother Gladis Alcorta. Grief support now has over 500 members who share and depend on each other for support. Her favorite quote is by Jason Reeves, In my own way I take you everywhere I go and it feels like Home.

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