The Yellow Butterfly

by Corinne Ruiz

April 22, 2004, my life was forever changed. My 14 year old daughter, Olivia Corinne Hoff passed away.

As I look back now, I don’t even know how I survived. I didn’t think it was possible to live another day, another week, another month and another year, but I have. My grief journey continues to this day, such hard work, every day. For those parents who have lost a child, you all know too well how difficult this journey is. Along the way, I felt as though I were stuck, unable to move forward and, of course, not wanting to. By moving forward, I felt that I would be leaving Olivia behind, accepting life without her. I have moved on but in a different way. I will always have a broken heart, my life is not filled with joy, nor do I look forward to the future. It’s too hard to look beyond today.

Well, about two years after Olivia’s death, I noticed that I was paying special attention to each season, seeing and appreciating the beauty of each one. This was something that I had not done before. It was as if I was seeing through different eyes, eyes that were filled with much pain, eyes that still cried so many tears, eyes that longed to see my daughter again. Yet, I could see the beauty that each new season would bring.

As spring approaches, I find myself feeling so sad, crying more, as this is the anniversary month, another year. I just want to see my daughter again, then it happens. I will go outside to look at the garden I planted for Olivia and while I’m outside, the Yellow Butterfly flys past me, as if to let me know Olivia is okay. I see the Yellow Butterfly all the time now and I smile.

Yes, another Season and The Yellow Butterfly, my reminders that my daughter is always with me, always in my Heart. She is free, free to Soar, free to Fly, like the Yellow Butterfly.

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  • Payday Loans says:

    this was such a beautiful message, your Olivia she is okay…. I know what you mean by always having a broken heart mine is the same. although my situation is different my heart will never be without saddness everyday. I just want to say thank you for sharing this i feel the same about butterflies they seem to say to you something very special when the pain is to much to bare. They just seem to fly by you at the right moment in time… thanx again…

  • kristen asbury says:

    My name is Kristen Asbury and I knew Olivia

    I met her my first day of kidnegarten at Del Rio. When I was 10 even though she couldn’t make it to my b-day party she still got me a present and was very thoughtful, giving, and kind. I remember all of this about her in such vivid detail because she made a big impact me by showing me how kind people of any age could be. SHe was very special and I still think of her and I still have the stuffed animal she got me.