Have you ever not been invited to a party? Everyone you know gets an invitation. You wait for yours. It never arrives. The day of the party comes and goes. No one even called at the last minute to say, “Oh, so sorry. I’m not sure what happened to your invitation, but please come.” You [...]
Found 24 results
Carrying Old Memories into a New Year
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January 5, 2011
4 Responses
Christmas has ended, and the living room still has that unwrapped look. With the festivities now part of future memories, I anticipate the next hurdle: the start of a new year. The TV commercials romanticize champagne toasts illuminated by glowing candles. People make resolutions, hopeful that this brand-new unblemished year will be the one that fuels [...]
Healing Ink: Writing Into Your Grief
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June 13, 2010
1 Response
A weeping willow tree, one flowery journal, two pens (in case one ran out of ink), and a box of Puffs tissues. Those objects stayed close beside me. In my early confusion over the loss of my son, these items never ignored my grief or told me to “get over it.” When it grew too [...]
Trees Symbolize Son’s Journey
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June 3, 2010
2 Responses
“It was time to dig up the thin maple that died last fall and, like Daniel, did not bloom in the spring.” It was time. In an hour the November afternoon would be dark. With Baby Elizabeth in the stroller, we headed to our front lawn. Benjamin immediately began to run around, but my husband, [...]
Crying With My Ancestors
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March 11, 2010
4 Responses
Sometimes I think you need a little of your own history in order to be able to understand history. I can’t remember never knowing about those relatives. They were on my Grandma Hall’s side, residing on the farm in Amelia County, Virginia. Patsie — we never call her Grandma — would sit at her oak [...]
Thanksgiving is for the Bereaved
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November 25, 2009
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I have a hard time believing it is the season of holidays again. While this year should be easier since it will be our fifth Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s without our son Daniel, I still feel myself putting on an extra shield of courage. In the cool afternoon air, I am reminded of my [...]
Surviving the Holidays After the Death of a Child
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November 21, 2009
8 Responses
That holiday-pang hit my stomach the first October after Daniel died. Greeting me at an arts and craft shop were gold and silver stockings, a Christmas tree draped with turquoise balls and a wreath of pinecones and red berries. What was this? And was “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” playing as well? It was [...]
Marked by Death, for the Rest of Our Lives
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November 16, 2009
4 Responses
After my four-year-old died, I was certain my family would never be the same again. It is true and has been proven over and over that we will no longer be the typical family living at the end of the cul-de-sac. We may look the same (only because I have not been daring enough to [...]
Mom’s Greatest Hero Was Only Four When He Died
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November 10, 2009
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I suppose my high school English teacher would like to think he made the biggest impression in my life. He loved to quote Shakespeare, Bryon and Keats. He could whip up a gourmet French dinner in a few hours. He knew Latin and spoke Japanese. “Class, class, you’ll thank me one day,” he’d tell us [...]
The Daniel Journal
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November 5, 2009
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I embraced it; I loathed it. It was a cloth bound book with blue and red swirled flowers on the cover. Inside were the raw words from my heart and soul. Once it was filled with crisp, lined pages. That was the day it was gifted to me by my three-year-old son Daniel’s oncology nurse. [...]
The Cup of Coffee: Small Kindnesses Help in Big Ways
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November 4, 2009
2 Responses
October, for me, will always be radiation month. My son Daniel was diagnosed with cancer in May, and by the fall, he was scheduled for radiation treatments every morning. For two weeks, after putting my six-year-old daughter on the school bus, my sons and I would make the trek to UNC Hospital. After unbuckling both [...]
What Does it Mean to ‘Get on with Life’
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October 20, 2009
5 Responses
Of all the statements and spiritual platitudes quoted to me since my son, Daniel, died, the phrase that I hear most frequently makes me squirm the most. “You have got to get on with your life.” Recently, I quit squirming long enough to ponder the meaning behind this phrase that is usually said to the [...]
Surviving the Holidays After a Loved One’s Death
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October 5, 2009
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That holiday-pang hit my stomach the first October after Daniel died. Greeting me at an arts and craft shop were gold and silver stockings, a Christmas tree draped with turquoise balls and a wreath of pinecones and red berries. What was this? And was “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” playing as well? It was [...]
How the Graveyard Became a Place of Peace
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August 21, 2009
3 Responses
There’s the joke about the cemetery. “How many dead people are in there?” The answer: “All of them.” Or, “People are dying to get in there.” It brought a smile to my lips the first time a ten-year-old told me. But after my son died, I was wondering why there are so many jokes about [...]
Getting on With Life—What Does It Mean?
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July 20, 2009
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Of all the statements and spiritual platitudes quoted to me since my son, Daniel’s, death the phrase that I hear most frequent makes me squirm the most. “You have got to get on with your life.” Recently, I quit squirming long enough to ponder the meaning behind this phrase that is usually said to the [...]
Not a Flower
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July 7, 2009
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There was a day when the sun ceased to shine. You may have missed it; it didn’t make the headlines of any national paper. February 2, 1997, to most, was only Groundhog Day. For me, it was nothing as trite as whether the furry creature did or did not see his shadow. Forget the promise [...]
Understanding the Griever: How Others Can Help
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July 3, 2009
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When I invited Martha to the gathering at my house, she accepted the invitation cheerfully. Martha was new to the area and so I thought this small potluck I was hosting would be a chance for her to get to know other women in our town. Martha stuck it out till the end, softly responding [...]
I Am Not Cheese
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July 2, 2009
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Recently I heard from one of my high school classmates. He now lives with his family in Nepal. Going to an international school in Japan–where I grew up—-many of my now forty-something-years-old schoolmates lead exotic lives. You can find them scattered over the world doing really interesting things. And then there I am, settled comfortably [...]
Celebrities Get Attention, But Were They Loved?
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June 26, 2009
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When I heard of Michael Jackson’s death, I felt a wave of confused sadness. Immediately, I was flooded with memories of hearing his music in Japan, where I was raised. The teenie-bopper magazines sent to us from the U.S. held photos and stories about his life as one of the Jackson Five. My friend Josephine [...]
Bereaved Eyes
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June 17, 2009
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“…Eyes — the windows to our soul…” She seemed so small and frail in the graduation party atmosphere. And yet this was her granddaughter’s party–a gathering of family and friends amid the festive tiki lights and streamers of tiny lanterns. High school had commenced for her granddaughter and in the late summer the youth would [...]
Educating Merna
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June 13, 2009
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A few excruciating days after my four-year-old son Daniel died, I got a phone call from Merna, an elderly woman in our church. “Just think,” she said, “God needed another flower in his garden and he chose Daniel.” I felt something sour in the pit of my stomach and my swollen eyes widened in disbelief. [...]
Let’s Stop Judging Others’ Pain
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April 17, 2009
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By Alice J. Wisler “Never criticize a man unless you have walked a mile in his shoes.” Many of us repeat this line, most likely when we have been criticized as opposed to when we are the ones with a differing opinion. Years after my four-year-old son died, I received an invitation that got under [...]
Opening Grief as a Gift
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March 8, 2009
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By Alice J. Wisler – Some view grief as a dirty word. It’s associated with pain, hardship, suffering, endless days of crying and never seeing the sun. It’s hard – tough on the body, spirit and mind. No one wants to have to go through grief. All hope to avoid it. The Oxford Dictionary defines [...]
Scared to Death of Dying and Denying Grief
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December 16, 2006
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When I invited Martha to the gathering at my house, she accepted the invitation cheerfully. Martha was new to the area and so I thought this small potluck I was hosting would be a chance for her to get to know other women in our town. Martha stuck it out till the end, softly responding [...]
