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How to Treat a Grieving Person: Be Real

Posted on December 17, 2017 - by Kim Shute

I am now two years out from the unexpected and traumatic death of my husband, which means countless people have lifted me up and cared for me when I could not do it myself. In and among those wonderful helpful friends and family, there have been some responses to my grief and mourning that were not just unhelpful, but hurtful. Given recent national conversations around grief, I feel the need to say something about what words people said to me that were most supportive, and highlight some responses that did not work for me. The socially accepted, “sorry for your loss,” […]

The Response of Men After a Miscarriage with Stephanie Rose

Posted on December 15, 2017 - by Heidi Horsley

At the annual ADEC (Association of Death Education and Counseling), I spoke with Stephanie Rose about men and miscarriage and the unacknowledged loss. Men sometimes respond differently to miscarriages. Stephanie explains more about this in the video below. Here are some key takeaways from the video: Stephanie’s research suggests that men can experience an array of emotions after their wife has had a miscarriage, but those emotions often brushed under the rug. When a man’s wife experiences a miscarriage, the man always gets asked “how is your wife doing?” vs. “how are you feeling?” A man’s feelings in this situation […]

Remembering a Big Sister Who Struggled with Eating Disorder

Posted on December 8, 2017 - by Judy Lipson

I never comprehended the summer of 1970. At age 14, I witnessed my beautiful older sister Margie fading away when she picked me up from overnight camp. My sister whom I idolized was a shadow of herself. For so many years, I had held on to who I wanted her to be. Our lives would later veer off the path into a detour neither of us could have fathomed. Despite it all, Margie and I shared a closeness only sisters understand. Although physically I could witness Margie’s decline, my heart always wanted the sister I looked up to. I felt […]

Cherished Memories Are a Balm for Grief

Posted on December 3, 2017 - by Judy Lipson

Jane’s birth on November 6, 1959, is one I don’t remember. I have been told that at age three, I was beyond excited at the arrival of a baby sister. Jane, a tiny bundle of beauty, pink, and softness, shone gorgeous locks of golden blond hair. She was the true baby of the family, adorable, and the apple of everyone’s eye. The resemblance to my daughter Janie, her namesake, is uncanny. I loved having a younger sister. I now became the middle of three girls, a role from that day forward defined me. We shared a room until she reached […]

‘How Can I Help if I Don’t Know You’re Hurting?’

Posted on December 3, 2017 - by Carla J Vagnini

As a caregiver of a parent with Alzheimer’s dementia, I struggle with myself when I find out my father has been hurting and won’t tell me about it. My husband and I are caregivers for my father who will be turning 80 next year. Whenever we’re with him, we focus on the positive and talk about the memories he recounts, even those that were from before I was born. Most recently after seeing a significant weight loss in my father, I noticed he was chewing his food differently. I didn’t say anything but knew he didn’t want to go back […]

A Healing Walk in the Cemetery

Posted on December 3, 2017 - by Nina Impala

When our loved ones pass, the loss is visceral, all encompassing. The cemetery feels like a sad place, but as time passes it can be a place of comfort and peace. I never thought this until I recently moved near one. Literally, it is in my front yard. It is a very beautiful place full of artwork, sculptures, chapels, museums and even the most heavenly meditation garden. It is a place not just of endings but also beginnings. When we are in the throes of grief, it is hard to see beyond the next minute or hour. Life feels arduous […]

Stories I Do Not Tell: Grief & Spirituality

Posted on November 16, 2017 - by Tambre Leighn

Einstein said, “Energy cannot be created or destroyed. It can only be changed from one form into another.” Strange that a scientist’s quote brought me comfort in dealing with the death of my husband, Gary. It also became the means by which I convinced myself I wasn’t crazy when seemingly inexplicable, spiritual experiences happened. These are stories I’ve rarely shared. I chose to keep them mostly private. Why? Because I feared being judged. Now, I simply do not care what others think. Feeling the presence of the loved ones we’ve lost can be comforting. Is it real or imagined? I don’t have […]

I Became a 26-Year-Old Widow

Posted on November 15, 2017 - by Laura Macauley

Life throws everybody curve balls. They can be minimal, or heartbreaking, but they are unexpected. On the morning of December 31st, 2016, I would never imagine that it would be the last time I would wake up next to my husband, James. I would never believe that our last kiss was when the clock struck midnight while we celebrated the New Year’s entrance. My wonderful husband passed away just a few hours after that kiss. He died instantly without any warning. I had no idea I was watching him take his last breath. I could write a full book on […]

Finding a Way From Christmas Sorrow to Christmas Joy

Posted on November 15, 2017 - by Jill Smoot

Giving gifts to others has always been for me so meaningful, special. And Christmas seems to symbolize this more than any other time of year. But my first Christmas three months after our son’s death found me drained and wrung out. I didn’t feel like a “gifter”, only an empty-handed “griever”. Sorrow hurts, but it is also an energy thief, robbing one of motivation to do even simple tasks. All the festive things I usually did at this time of year, I now dreaded. Mailing cards to family and friends with new updates felt overwhelming. Why could I just not crawl […]

Saying ‘No’ to Holiday Traditions is OK After a Loss

Posted on November 14, 2017 - by Greg Adams

For many of us, for much of the time, it is hard to say “no.” Even when we’re busy, even when we’re tired, even when it’s something we really don’t want to do. It’s especially hard when it’s something that we’ve done before, when it’s been our routine, our habit, or our tradition. We get into patterns and they’re hard to change. One of our patterns and traditions can be saying “yes” when asked, especially by friends, family, and those we respect. One of the harder voices to say “no” to is that voice in our head. The one that […]