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Happy Mother’s Day to Every ‘Good-Enough Mother’

Posted on May 8, 2013 - by Mary Jane Hurley Brant

For many of us, Mother’s Day stirs something deeply loving. For others, ambivalent feelings abide. You see, after thirty-three years in the counseling field and drying the tears off many faces, I can accurately say that not every woman feels she had, was or is the “good-enough mother.” So, exactly what is the “good-enough mother”? English pediatrician, Donald Winnicott, M.D. – an influential object-relations psychoanalyst – believed this type of mother was a different kind of mom because she didn’t hold perfectionism as her model. Good on you, Doc Winnicott; that’s “a like” button over here for sure. Honestly, I […]

Want to Fast Forward Through Mother’s Day?

Posted on May 7, 2013 - by Beth Marshall

Have you ever wished you had a huge remote and could fast-forward through something? A tedious conversation, or maybe the perky dental hygienist with a terrifying tray of metal weapons? I have. Mother’s Day isn’t supposed to be on that list, is it? For anyone missing your mother this year, or maybe you’re a mom missing your beloved child, you know what I’m talking about. It’s inescapable — hourly reminders of happy moms and children everywhere you turn. If you’re considering pulling the percale sheets over your head and waking up Monday, you’re not alone. I remember the first Mother’s […]

Finding a Way to Laugh

Posted on May 6, 2013 - by Donna Miesbach

Several months after my husband died, something happened that caused me to laugh. I was surprised at how good it felt. It also surprised me when I thought about how long it had been since I had last laughed, so I decided then and there that I would start laughing, even if I had to make a conscious decision to do it. But how to get started? As I thought about it, I knew we had books and magazines with humor in them, so I started raiding the bookshelves, pulling out anything and everything that was funny, and I put […]

Choosing to be Happy

Posted on May 5, 2013 - by Donna Miesbach

Life is full of choices. What we don’t always understand is that happiness is a choice, too. It seems strange that being happy would be a choice, but that is one of the things I learned when I was caught up in grief. As chance would have it, I went down to Florida to visit some good friends about eight months after my husband’s sudden death. He and I had planned to do that, so I got up my courage and went by myself. It was in the early part of the year, and while I was there, they decided […]

Washing the Bones: Grieving a Spouse-Loss

Posted on May 3, 2013 - by Katherine Ingram

When I was first widowed, my overriding thought was that I couldn’t survive it, and I did not wish to. But the thought that I couldn’t go on without him was simply not true: it felt true, but it wasn’t. I had gone on without Andrew, to my dismay and surprise. Losing him hurt beyond any sort of pain I had ever felt or could have imagined. I hated it, but it did not end my life; it ended that particular chapter of my life, a chapter I liked a great deal, a chapter I thought would be the whole […]

Mothering and Grand-mothering: Weaving Spiritual Intergenerational Bonds

Posted on May 1, 2013 - by Jane Simington

As we approach Mother’s Day, I am drawn to reflect on my experiences of being mothered and on how those experiences directly and indirectly affected my own mothering and continue to influence my grand-mothering. Each night during my childhood, mother snuggled me into bed, asking that the Guardian Angels be at my side to enlighten, to guard, to rule, and to guide. Last evening, as I tucked my youngest grandchild into his bed, I was aware of how this nightly prayer to the angels, prayed by my mother with me, and prayed by me with my children, and now prayed […]

Victims of Terrorism: If They Could Speak

Posted on April 28, 2013 - by Rosanne Pellicane

Please don’t be afraid. Yes, life is different now but remember when it was beautiful? Well, it will be again, though not the same. The wounds will heal, your tears will dry and though scars remain, I know you are strong enough to live through the pain. Do not grieve and linger in the shadows of graves. Go out into the sunshine and tell everyone that I was here. Let our enemy know that when we were together we lived, and worked and loved. And though I am gone, you will carry on for me because you must. Tell my […]

After Boston, is Anyone Safe?

Posted on April 27, 2013 - by Susan Berger

When I saw my daughter’s question on facebook after the Boston Marathon Bombing last week, I knew she was expressing a universal feeling of sadness and anxiety about the world we now live in. I knew she was worrying about the safety of the world my 4-year-old grandson is growing up in. As a Bostonian, I know that globalization has changed every aspect of our lives — from the clothes we buy and the food we eat, to the multi-cultural society we inhabit, and the diverse, and often divergent, values and beliefs that wreak havoc on our sense of security. […]

Reflections on Letting Go

Posted on April 24, 2013 - by Donna Miesbach

Grief creeps into our lives in so many ways. Loved ones die, friends or family move away, children grow up and leave home, jobs change, pets die, a treasured possession becomes damaged or lost. And these are just some of the things we must cope with as we live our daily lives. One of the reasons such changes are so difficult is because they are links to the past, to what we know and are comfortable with. Being creatures who prefer comfort, we do not readily welcome change. The past – the “known” – has become our friend. I have […]

Could Writing Help the Boston Survivors?

Posted on April 24, 2013 - by Madeline Sharples

The bombings in Boston have left me in tears. Every time I hear the news, see the photos of those who died or were wounded, I want to curl up and block it all out. It is much the way I felt after my son took his life in 1999. These kinds of tragedies bring all those sad feelings back. I also want to find a way to help. In my memoir, Leaving the Hall Light On, I told how I survived through writing. It is my belief that everyone who has experienced such a tragedy – and I suspect […]