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Persistent Dreams in Grief

Posted on March 10, 2010 - by Marty Tousley

Question from a reader: It’s now been six months since my mother died. In many ways it seems like worlds and eons since then, but in some ways not at all. I really miss her and talking to her every few days, as was our old routine. The problem I’m having is that I dream about her almost every night. It’s never the same scenario, except that she’s always sick, like she was toward the end. Sometimes I wake up crying. This has been going on for pretty much the entire time since she died. Is this normal??? I think […]

Prepare Your Response Plan for Grief Triggers

Posted on March 9, 2010 - by Harriet Hodgson

Grief triggers – your deceased loved one’s birthday, the anniversary of your loss, and holiday festivities – are a recovery challenge. How will you respond? Will you continue to move forward with life or will the grief trigger stop you in your tracks? Worse, will you go backwards? I ask these questions when I encounter grief triggers. Tuesday of this week was the third anniversary of my daughter’s death. Though I was not sure how I would respond, I knew the day would be hard. So I pulled myself together, revised my response plan, and used it. First, I looked […]

Military Families: The Shock of ‘Killed in Action’

Posted on March 8, 2010 - by Kevin Quiles

One early weeknight, I accompanied military personnel to announce the most dreaded news that any family could receive. Once we arrived at the address, we walked up to the lighted front door and knocked. A few seconds later, the owner opened the door while blocking the entrance. We introduced ourselves and verified his name. Then the curious father learned that his son had been killed in action. The gentleman stood speechless. Moments later, his wife came down the stairs. “Who is it?” she asked as her husband widened the door for the curious family member to see the two visitors […]

Poem: Beginning and End

Posted on March 7, 2010 - by Deborah Tornillo

You were there I took my first breath. Knowing there would be many left. You were there I looked into my mother’s eyes. It was your plan never to be denied. You were there I took my first steps. You love me even through my missteps. You were there I cried my first tears. You exchanged them for joy many years. You were there Giving me the gifts of life. The joy of being a mother and a loved wife. You were there I told my father it was okay to let go. Breaking my heart, it was a devastating […]

We’re Strengthened When We Say ‘I’m Here’

Posted on March 7, 2010 - by Tony Falzano

I recently attended calling hours to support a close friend who had suddenly lost her cousin to cancer. When I arrived, I joined the end of the receiving line and proceeded to view the television monitor which displayed a memorial of the deceased. Several people behind and in front of me were quietly talking amongst themselves. After a short while, the line turned into the large viewing room. It was then that I noticed a young woman sitting towards the back of the room by herself. I watched as she slowly bowed her head and started to cry. She searched […]

Pets, Grief and the ‘Bootsy and Angel Effect’

Posted on March 6, 2010 - by David Roberts

Many in our society do not recognize the impact that pet loss has on an individual. For many people, the loss of a beloved pet may be the first significant loss that is experienced in life. Pets see us through many significant milestones in life such as marriages, divorces, death and the birth of our children. They are and always will be sources of true unconditional love. Many times pets may be predeceased by other significant family members. When that pet eventually dies, we not only grieve the loss of him/her but revisit our pain of loss from those deceased […]

Should We Grieve?

Posted on March 5, 2010 - by James Einert

Should we grieve? The Bible says we should cry at birth and rejoice at death. So should we grieve? Webster’s Dictionary gives grief the following definition, “Deep and poignant distress caused by or as by bereavement.” It also calls it suffering. So should we grieve? First, let me say I believe there is a difference in sadness and grief. The above definition calls grief distress and suffering. To me this is much more than sadness. According to the dictionary sadness and sorrow are associated with grief. But I know from my experience when my mom died, I was very sad. […]

Poem: Holly Jolly – My Chihuahua

Posted on March 4, 2010 - by Deborah Tornillo

You were a tiny little angel Sent to me from the heavens above. You were a soft and cuddly ball of fur Filling my life with unconditional love. My Precious – Holly Jolly. Peanut and Gunner are not the same Missing you more with each passing day. They look around and go to the back door Hoping to see you just once more. Their Precious – Holly Jolly. God blessed us with your joyfulness Wagging your tail to greet us. He knew it was time to open the gates And, bring you home to rest in peace. Our Precious – […]

A Poetic Look at Men and Grieving

Posted on March 4, 2010 - by Edward Gray

My wife died of ALS; during her final 13 months, my mom and dad also died. It was almost overwhelming, and I learned more grieving than I ever thought I would. My most effective way of dealing with this was writing and the strongest feelings emerged as poetry. In the months following, I worked with others as I was going on my own grieving journey. How men dealt with things differently became all too evident. How they handled grieving can be summarized in three poems I wrote: WE TRY TO FOOL OURSELVES When we are grieving, often times, There’s obstacles […]

How to Maintain a Marriage After Child-Loss

Posted on March 3, 2010 - by Sandy Fox

Many couples who have experienced the death of their child may also experience a crisis in their marriage as a result. This untimely event can be an opportunity for growth bringing the two people closer together. The belief that a bereaved couple is doomed to divorce is blown way out of proportion. In fact, a Compassionate Friends survey has indicated that only 4 percent of couples who divorce do so because of the child’s death, that something else was wrong in the relationship before the child died. If the couple has always had a good marriage, typically that marriage will […]