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God Doesn’t ‘Zap’ Those Who Express Emotion

Posted on February 20, 2010 - by Kevin Quiles

In my twelve years as spiritual counselor, I have seen men and women choke back their feelings while simultaneously defending the Almighty who supposedly allowed the devastating events to take place. Unfortunately, both smothering of emotions and advocating for the divine have serious consequences. In this snippet of an article, I propose that emotional congestion in the name of God comes at an enormous price—freezing the flow of grief, relational complications, and an unfulfilled sense of self. An opposite course, namely, embracing all facets of emotional labor pains as part of a healing passageway, adds to personal and interpersonal growth. Contrary […]

My Parents’ House

Posted on February 19, 2010 - by Pamela Gabbay

Today, I drove past my parents’ old house. I was in my hometown visiting my best friend from high school and she needed to make a quick stop at her sister’s house. Her sister happens to live right around the corner from my family’s old home. As we drove toward her sister’s, my friend ever so casually mentioned that we would be driving down my parents’ old street. I didn’t have a lot of time to react. It has been quite a few years since I have been by the old place, and I figured that I would be fine […]

Have I Failed?

Posted on February 18, 2010 - by Deborah Tornillo

My mother and father passed away in 2008. They had Alzheimer’s and they died 36 days apart of each other. At the time of their diagnosis, their neurologist told me that my father had years left in his life and that my mother would only make it another year and a half. My father died first. My father was at Stage 4 of the disease. He had moderate cognitive decline. When he died, a piece of my heart and my soul died with him. Several months prior to my father’s passing, my mother reached Stage 7 of the disease – […]

Child-Loss: When the Heavens Go Dark

Posted on February 18, 2010 - by John French

Out beyond the silence of eternal night, within the void of voiceless echoes, between the folds of dark and light. In somber streams of starlight. In the waves of ebb and flow. Heaven exceeds eternal planes. Though, it remains closer then we know. There was a time when the stars were a great source of inspiration and contentment for me. Their slow, predictable progression seemed to calm some of the anxiety brought on by a chaotic world. The incomprehensible distances and incalculable numbers were a humbling reminder of my insignificance. While at the same time, the vastness and complexity made me […]

The Difference Between Empathy and Sympathy

Posted on February 17, 2010 - by Robbie Miller Kaplan

The words sympathy and empathy are often used interchangeably, and yet they are distinct expressions. In times of death, it’s customary to extend sympathy by sharing our sorrow for what’s happened. Sympathy cards are usually synonymous with condolence messages. When extending sympathy, we’re expressing concern for another’s feelings. Cards, notes, phone calls, e-mails, meals, and offers of assistance are all expressions of sympathy. But you don’t offer empathy, you feel it. Empathy is the act of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. It’s trying to imagine, “How would I feel if this happened to me?” And it’s the ability to […]

Remembering Super Bowl Sundays With Dad

Posted on February 16, 2010 - by Eric Tomei

I am a huge sports nut. I love just about every sport, and growing up I tried everything except hockey. So I was ready to watch the recent Super Bowl between the Indianapolis Colts and the New Orleans Saints. I remember that the Super Bowl was one game that my dad would sit and watch. He wouldn’t say much, but almost always watchedtogether. I don’t really think that he cared who won. But watching a game together still ranks as one of the fond memories of him. For that one day, I felt like my dad was my buddy, a friend. I hated […]

Writing Affirmations Can Help With Grief

Posted on February 15, 2010 - by Harriet Hodgson

In 2007, when I was devastated by the deaths of four loved ones, I looked for new ways to cope with grief. Though I had good coping skills, nothing had prepared me for multiple losses. Since I am a writer, I followed my instincts, and started writing about grief. I did something else, too. Each morning, when I awoke, I thought of an affirmation that would get me through the day. The list started out small and became so long that I kept a computer list of affirmations. Writing one-sentence affirmations was a lot like writing poetry. Eventually, my grief […]

How Rose Reached Across Time to Comfort Me

Posted on February 14, 2010 - by Yvonne Lancaster

In high school, I worked as a kitchen aide in a nearby rest home. The home was a beautiful Victorian, formerly owned by a prominent business man. Throughout renovations to accommodate the elderly, the façade pretty much remained the same: three stories with steep roof pitches, an attention-grabbing turret and a few new dormers. The porches were large with hand-turned posts. The decorative railings and ornate gable trim gave the home an Edwardian look and feel. The home was on a quiet street lined with elms which shaded the porches on sunny days. My main duties seemed quite simple enough: […]

Choosing to Live Even as a Child is Dying

Posted on February 13, 2010 - by Lisa Buell

Until her last breath, I never believed my daughter Madison was going to die. Three years after she took that last breath I considered that maybe she wouldn’t be coming back. Denial is a huge part of parental grief, a necessary part; it’s what helps us to get up in the morning. Denial was exactly what enabled me to mother my child all the way through her transition. I understood that she might die, and we made all the necessary calls to get friends and family to our home when Maddy’s breathing changed. We didn’t put her through extraneous testing […]

‘Up’ With Grief: Film Review

Posted on February 12, 2010 - by Abel Keogh

It’s hard to find movies for adults that adequately deal with the death of a spouse and putting one’s life back together. Fortunately, one of the movies nominated for the Best Picture Oscar does a great job of dealing with the subjects of death, grief, and moving on better than any other film in recent memory—and its target audience is kids. The movie? “Up.” In the first 20 minutes of the film, we see Carl Fredricksen as a boy meeting his future wife, Ellie. When they grow up, they both want to become explorers and journey to faraway lands. Ellie […]