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Daughter Wants to Help Mom after Death of Beloved Dog

Posted on February 11, 2010 - by Marty Tousley

Question from a reader: I am writing in hopes that you may be able to provide advice or support that I can give my parents who just had to euthanize their 12-year-old Golden Lab, Baxter. He had to be put to sleep because he could not walk anymore. It was a very sad event for the whole family, especially for my mother who was home alone a lot with him. Since he was buried last Sunday, my mother has not been able to let go of the fact that neither the vet nor my mom closed Baxter’s eyes before he was […]

Film Review: The Lovely Bones

Posted on February 10, 2010 - by Mitch Carmody

I know of two books published in 2002 that dealt with the death a child in a young family’s life. In the stories, the children are different in ages and gender, the cause of death is different, the grieving process is different; one book is fiction, the other a true story. In both books, I found many similarities in processing the loss of a child. Both books reflect the belief that there truly is life after death on both sides of the equation; for the departed and for those left behind. The fiction book is called The Lovely Bones and […]

Four Seasons of Marriage

Posted on February 10, 2010 - by Mary Jane Hurley Brant

By Mary Jane Hurley Brant, M.S., CGP — This month, let’s talk about the four seasons of marriage: Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. Usually we think of marriage as a relationship with our partner but it can also be the state of marriage solely within us called “the inner marriage.” The inner marriage is an intimate relationship with ourself. We need a strong inner marriage of love, appreciation, understanding and respect for ourself in order to experience the serenity, joy, and connection attainable in an outer marriage. The Spring of Marriage is when matrimony begins. We are often young and […]

New Year’s Struggles With Grief

Posted on February 8, 2010 - by Barb Roberts

We all are programmed to look forward to each New Year. How many times have you heard, late in the previous year, “I just want this year to be over with.” “I look forward to next year when things will begin anew, things will be better. ” The implication is that the mere change of the calendar 2010 carries with it the assurance that whatever it was in the previous year that was painful WILL be different…WILL be better…problems WILL be solved. For those of us who have carried that expectation and been disappointed, let me call to your attention a different […]

Handling the Most Haunting Memories

Posted on February 6, 2010 - by Harriet Hodgson

On a February weekend in 2007, my elder daughter and father-in-law died. Their causes of death were very different. My father-in-law was 98 1/2 years old and had been dwindling for months. His death was anticipated and I had made peace with it. But my daughter’s death from blunt force trauma in a car crash was the worst shock of my life. Surgeons operated on her for 20 hours and could not save her. My daughter was also brain dead. Signing the legal papers to stop life support was an agonizing decision — the stuff of bad memories. Indeed, it […]

What to Say to Children About Death

Posted on February 5, 2010 - by Linda Goldman

Death is a difficult and sensitive topic to discuss with children. So often adults feel at a loss for words. Without knowing what to say or how to say it, many parents and professionals avoid children’s questions. Some refuse to respond at all. Eight-year-old Alice explained a disturbing event. She told her teacher about her dad’s death during the very first week of school. Her teacher never said a word. Infuriated and saddened, Alice asked over and over, “Why didn’t my teacher ever say anything back?” Often girls and boys share how angry and alone they feel at being dismissed […]

‘I Buy Myself a Dozen Cream Roses’

Posted on February 4, 2010 - by Audrey Stringer

That first Valentine’s Day after Rhod died was very difficult for me. This had been our special day and now he was gone. He died on Feb 6, 1999, and eight days later it was Valentine’s Day! I was angry! I was sad. I was lonely. In our 30 years together, Rhod always showered me with gifts and little surprises. On one occasion, he gave me a toy shaped like a heart with diamond earrings attached to it. Every year, he gave me a gigantic card with beautiful words along with a beautiful bouquet of flowers for Valentine’s day. After […]

Spending Valentine’s Day in the Saint’s Birthplace

Posted on February 3, 2010 - by Reg Green

My memory of Valentine’s Day is spending it among the art treasures and history of St. Valentine’s birthplace, Terni, in central Italy. It was just a few months after our seven-year-old son, Nicholas, had been shot in a botched car-jacking attempt while we were driving to Sicily on vacation. We had donated his organs and corneas to seven Italians, four of them teenagers. The organizers of our visit wanted to honor the power of love and chose to see it in our story. The ceremony was held in a packed hall and, whenever Nicholas was mentioned, there was total, almost […]

For Widow, Valentine’s Day has Evolved

Posted on February 2, 2010 - by Katy Hutchison

Over the years, my experience around Valentine’s Day has softened and shifted focus. The first year after my husband’s death, I wanted to crawl in a hole the minute I saw that first red and pink heart-shaped display in the grocery store. On February 14th, I didn’t answer my phone and avoided the efforts of well-meaning friends and family to “get me through” the day. I had every reason to wallow in sadness, and I took the opportunity to feel the pain of my loss head-on. The next year, I managed to create a space for myself to privately remember […]

Is it Time for a New Version of Your Grief Story?

Posted on January 31, 2010 - by Harriet Hodgson

Oprah has one of the top shows on television, but I rarely have time to see it. Last week, however, I watched part of Oprah’s interview with Rosie O’Donnell. For decades, Rosie had been portraying herself as a child whose mother died when she was in fifth grade. Rosie’s former partner asked her if it was time to tell a different story – the story of a loving mother of four children. Rosie agreed that time had come. After the interview I thought about my own story of multiple losses. Would I always be seen as a bereaved person? Could […]