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Grief Takes No Holidays

Posted on December 21, 2009 - by Sandra Pesmen

“Grief is the price you pay for love,” said therapist Carol Nevin at the December meeting of the Widows List Group at the Northbrook, Ill., Senior Center. Carol was there to discuss “Grieving During the Holidays,” and her visit was perfectly timed for Marilyn, one member who lost her husband six months ago and still feels “disoriented.” Marilyn said that confusion frustrates her more than anything else, because she always felt in control of her life. “And that’s perfectly normal, ” Carol assured us. “We all like control and predictability and we don’t like change, but death shows us that we have little control over life.” Carol also touched on another common part of grief that […]

Give Your Gift to the World

Posted on December 20, 2009 - by Gloria Arenson

Have you ever been complimented on something you have done and wondered why, since it was an ability you took for granted? Have you ever complimented someone else about what they do that impresses you because you couldn’t do it no matter how hard you tried, and they do it so well? Many years ago, when I was teaching classes at a City College adult-education division, Joan, who programmed the classes said, “How can you do what you do? I would be terrified standing up in front of a group and talking.” I was surprised by her words since teaching […]

Don’t Say You’re ‘Fine’ When You’re Not

Posted on December 19, 2009 - by Sandy Fox

When we are on a grief journey and someone asks us, “How are you feeling?” the tendency is to say, “I’m fine.” But we’re not fine, and one of my friends pointed that out to me a few months after my daughter died. She said in a rather exasperated voice, “You’re not fine and don’t say you are!” I was briefly taken aback and then realized she was right. Why say you’re “fine” when you’re not? From that point on, I told the truth. My answer became, “I’m doing the best I can. Each day is a challenge and I […]

What is the Role of Anger in Grief?

Posted on December 18, 2009 - by Norman Fried

What can be said about the meaning of anger; and what role does anger play in our eventual recovery from grief? We know that, as humans, we are capable of experiencing a full range of feelings, and that each of our emotions is inexorably connected to its opposite. We know that an honest life insists upon the wholeness, as well as the integrity, of our emotions, thus an attachment to one feeling at the expense of others can have damaging effects on our growth. We understand that sorrow, pain and intolerance have a place in our lives, and we expect […]

There’s No Grief in Santa

Posted on December 17, 2009 - by Connie Vasquez

Last year was the first year my mother didn’t recognize me at all . . . not even a glimmer. I’d been expecting Alzheimer’s to take away her ability to recognize my face, but wasn’t really prepared. That was the first Christmas it seemed to make no difference whether or not I called my mom for the holidays since she didn’t know whether it was Christmas or St. Swithens Day, whether it was me or the Easter Bunny. She’d long since forgotten what the telephone was and what those noises coming into her ear were. Christmas was always a big […]

As the Mental Picture of Your Loved One Fades

Posted on December 16, 2009 - by Harriet Hodgson

My daughter was 45 years old when she died on a February night from the injuries she received in a car crash. The last time I saw her, she was taking her children to see their dying grandfather, and laughing at something they said. When she died two days later – before her grandfather – I was stunned. For months, the image of my daughter, laughing in the sunshine, was clear in my mind. I saw it again and again. As time passed, however, the image began to fade. Sidney Zisook, MD, talks about mental pictures in an Audio-Digest Website […]

Poem: Message

Posted on December 15, 2009 - by Deborah Tornillo

In my dream An elderly gent Flowing, white hair Comforted me In my despair. Mesmerized By his love, His blue eyes As heavenly As the sky above. Words not spoken Filled my mind. I understood then His message, His message of time. A message of hope And, of courage. A message of love And, of strength. A message of truth. The backbone of life It’s in your spine. The pain of today Will leave with time. God’s love will light the way. Deborah Ann Tornillo Author, “36 Days Apart” Copyright© 2009 http://www.deborahtornillo.com

Three Years into Grief Journey: A Surprising Struggle

Posted on December 15, 2009 - by Harriet Hodgson

As I get closer to the third anniversary of my daughter’s death, I struggle with opposite emotions. I feel the pain of death and the joy of living. The first year after my daughter died I cringed when people asked, “How are you?” Now I welcome the question. For as the months passed, people began to forget about my losses. While this is normal, it was hard for me, especially since I had so much grief work to do. A few days ago, I went to the florist and bought a holiday plant. The sales associate knew my grandchildren became […]

The Yin and Yang of Caring for Terminally Ill Child

Posted on December 14, 2009 - by Lisa Buell

Alternative therapies weren’t the first line of defense when our five-and-a-half month old was diagnosed with cancer. We opted for what was proven; we put Madison’s life in the hands of exceptional pediatric oncologists, surgeons, radiologists, nurses and anesthesiologists. If untreated, the cancer was sure to kill her, but so could the treatment. We threw every recommended treatment at the cancer. Her quality of life was the point off which we navigated the maze of medicine hashing out benefits vs. burden. We sought alternative therapies in an effort to support our daughters system throughout the rigors of treatment. Lavender wafted through our […]

Poem: Comfort

Posted on December 12, 2009 - by Deborah Tornillo

The pain of tonight He’s finally resting. He’s not hurting That is all that matters In this life of mine. The struggles of the past Been there, died there. Nothing compares To the love of today Wanting, wanting to protect. How do I comfort? Same question I’ve asked Not too long ago, How do I stop their pain? My arms don’t sustain. God, help me comfort And, give them their strength. The power of you Comforts the power of them. Shine, let them feel your light. Frustrated, scared, and Asking for a miracle. Do you hear me? My Lord and […]