When bad things happen, it is very natural to develop a negative outlook on your life and on yourself. After the loss of a loved one, you may think “I’ll never be ok again” or “I have no hope for my future.” However, hope and a vision for your future are possible when you “flip the script” on how you view and think about your life and your loss.

After my mother’s sudden death a few years ago, I talked to a Life Coach and she said that I should create a vision board on what I wanted for my future. My response and my belief at that time was, “I don’t see a future for myself without my mother.” Before her death, I had NEVER considered the possibility of having to live my life without her being there for me.

The coach suggested that instead of thinking of living my life without her, think of living my life as a legacy to all of the love she gave and the lessons she taught me while she was in my life. Where I once could not even consider the possibility of my future, this new perspective gave me hope.

The thought that I would live the remainder of my life as a tribute and legacy to the love and lessons my mother taught me gave me a new sense of purpose and courage. So much so, when I was faced with a significant challenge at work, I made a very different decision than I would have before my mother’s death. I was empowered by my new found mission and purpose. As a result, I am now living my dream life as a life coach who works from home.

How can you re-frame your perspective on your current situation? Do what the coach told me to do-look at the love and the lessons given to you by your loved one.

Sometimes I think that our vision is clouded by all of the negative emotions of grief, like sadness, anger and fear, that we aren’t able to recognize the gifts given to us by our loved one. Did your husband show you how to change a flat tire? Did your wife teach you how to cook a special meal? Did your child give you hugs and kisses all of the time? If so, they were showing you what to do and teaching you lessons on how to live after their physical being was no longer here with you.

So right now, sit down with a journal or piece of paper and reflect on and write down all of the lessons your loved one taught you that will help you now. Look past the clouds of sadness and remember the good times and moments that you shared and realize that these were lessons and the love that will get you through the remainder of your life. Even in the absence of a physical presence, your loved one is still caring for you and loving you.



Kimberly Kirby-Bass

Kim Bass is a Life and Grief Coach whose life journey lead her to the field of coaching after the deaths of her beloved mother and grandmother within a few months of each other. During her own journey of grief, Kim used the life lessons taught to her by these extraordinary women and her own spiritual beliefs and values to navigate her life after such significant losses. As Kim began to heal and put the pieces of her life back together, she realized others are suffering and find themselves in the same hole, feeling as if there is no way out. Kim realized that it is her purpose to share her experience and knowledge about the grief process to help others find their way and learn to live life after. Throughout Kim’s life, she has always had an optimistic personality and a strong desire to help others. Often her grandmother would tease that “Kim would give the shirt off of her back if we would let her.” It is this same spirit and personality that Kim shares with her clients. Her training as a life coach, and experience as a trainer and motivator has given her the tools to help anyone who feels burdened by the circumstances of life to gain a new perspective and help them regain hope and a plan for the future.

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