Bucket list — a list of things you want to do before you die — has recently become part of American vernacular. The words have become part of American life as well. Writing prompts for bucket lists are posted on the Internet. Several websites are devoted to personal lists and many postings focus on travel.
After losing four loved ones in 2007, I had lots of grief work to do, and did it. But there is more to do, and I decided to make a grief recovery bucket list. I knew my loved ones wouldn’t want me to get stuck in grief, so my list focuses on recovery, staying on the recovery path, and my new life. What is on my list?
1. Keep writing. Family members, dear friends, and church support helped me to survive multiple losses. But my occupation as a professional writer helped me most. Writing Internet and print articles about grief helped me see my grief journey more clearly. In fact, writing helped me create a new life. I’m a seasoned citizen and want to write one more book before my life circle is complete.
2. Appreciate family. I have always appreciated the love and support of my family, and coping with multiple losses made me appreciate it more. My extended family, including nieces, nephews, and their children, rallied to support my husband and me. Six months after our daughter died from the injuries she received in a car crash, my husband and I celebrated our 50th anniversary. We made it a celebration of family and, though we were still in the throes of grief, enjoyed this celebration.
3. Give to recover. Early in the grief process I realized that giving made me feel better. I do lots of free writing, give free talks, and give away lots of books. Before 2007, I volunteered for a variety of organizations and still volunteer. My husband and I donate money to many groups and, while our donations are small compared to some, every donation counts.
4. Celebrate life. I celebrate waking up each morning beside my husband, sitting across from him at the breakfast table, and talking about our plans for the day. Nature also gives me many things to celebrate — a cardinal perched in the birch tree, seeing a female deer and her fawn, and wild turkeys scampering into the woods. Large or small, each day I find something to celebrate.
5. Make life count. When my life circle is complete, I don’t want people to think I wasted my life. Hopefully, they will say I used my talents and tried to help others. In other words, I want my life to count. This is another reason I made a grief recovery bucket list. It is, in only five points, a plan for the future.
The list helped me put my life in perspective and it can do the same for you. Making a list doesn’t mean it is cast in stone. When you have completed a point or have different thoughts about it, cross it off your list and add others. You may respond to your list as I did: Thank goodness I’m alive!
Copyright 2010 by Harriet Hodgson