Groomin’ and Cryin’: Man Mourns Brother While Watching TV

    By Scott Mastley -- My first- and second-grade daughters, Margo and Molly, were surprised to see their daddy blinking back tears while watching a dog grooming show on TV.  They were successfully avoiding bedtime by snuggling with me on the couch, so I found a show that we could watch together, and even though I had no interest in the Groomer of the Year, it was age-appropriate for them. Then something happened that instantly and emotionally connected me to the…

    Gorgeous short movie about the loss of two siblings—check it out

    So, a few months back, I gave a talk about sibling loss at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. As you might imagine, there tend to be quite a few bereft siblings in the audience at these things. And they all have stories. Amazing, sad, beautiful ones that both elate me—because they’re a celebration of the bond—and make me want to cry. This particular evening was no exception. After the talk, a woman named Chrissy Rubin came up to me and…

    Carrying

    Okay, I talk about “carrying” a lot, with regard to sibling loss. What do I mean by that? I mean the tendency we surviving siblings have to find a way to “carry” our lost siblings forward into our present-day lives. It’s a way of continuing the relationship with some one who is gone—in fact, grief-speak for this phenomenon is “continuing bonds.” How people do it varies, but why we do it is more straightforward. We try to carry our siblings…

    What is Disenfranchised Grief?

    When I was 14, my brother and only sibling, Ted, died. One of my more memorable experiences from that time is of standing next to his grave, watching, devastated, as they lowered his casket into the ground. A woman separated herself from the crowd, leaned down, took me by the arm, and leaned in, close enough so that I could see the lipstick on her teeth and smell her perfume. “You’ll have to be very good now,” she said, somberly.…

    What a Coincidence!

    Yesterday I posted on a new study that looked at the impact of losing an infant sibling when you were very young, or even before you were born. I commented that, though understudied, the stories I’d heard from people suggested that this was a huge—huge!—life event. Then last night, my friend (and one of Open to Hope's founders), psychologist Heidi Horsley, PsyD, who also lost a sibling, and who now specializes in grief, called my attention to a really spectacular…

    The Impact of Losing an Infant Sibling

    When I was working on my book, I interviewed a couple of people who either lost siblings very early in that sibling’s life, i.e. in infancy (and were thus very young themselves) or who were born after the death of an infant sibling. I didn’t have enough people to make a huge case, but it was very clear to me that these were very significant losses. Sadly, however, because these people had been so young at the time, or were…

    Little People with Big Hurts

    By Cathi Lammert, RN - Most children who have a sibling that dies due to a pregnancy loss, stillbirth or in the first few months of life will experience a grief reaction.  However, often times, their grief is overlooked or discounted. Parents may be so overwhelmed by their own grief that they are unable to assist their children with their issues. Parents often ask me "Will my child be negatively affected by the death of their baby sibling?"  I have…

    Sacred Moments With the Body After the Death

    By Nancy Manahan, Ph.D., and Becky Bohan. M.A. -- In their last Open to Hope posting, "Washing Diane's Body: Caring at the Crossroad," Nancy described the extraordinary ritual of washing Diane's body. In this installment, Nancy's spouse Becky recounts the four-hour home vigil, which gave family members and friends a chance to be with Diane's body, to grieve, and to support each other in a sacred ritual. While Nancy and others were washing Diane's body, I heated up the Indian…

    Surviving Child Demonstrates Meaning of Easter

    By Mitch Carmody -- In December of 1987, our 9-year-old son, Kelly James, died following two arduous years of fighting brain cancer. That ensuing Christmas, we were so numb in our grief that much of it is now a faded memory. But that following Easter, we received a gift, a gift that I share it with you now. When Kelly died, his sister Meagan was 6 years old; our only child now, she was left with two grieving parents who…

    Washing Diane’s Body: Caring at the Crossing

    By Nancy Manahan, Ph.D., and Becky Bohan. M.A. -- In our last Open to Hope posting, the extraordinary final moments of Diane's death in Nancy's arms were described. Here, Nancy recounts what happened immediately after Diane died, most importantly, the washing of Diane's body. This ancient ritual is being reclaimed by many families as an opportunity to honor their loved ones, to grieve, and to perform a final sacred service for them. Diane's closest friends, Bev and Laura, arrived at…