Echoes of Earlier Losses

    Echoes of Earlier Losses Unfortunately, many of us have experienced multiple losses – either more than one sibling, a child/sibling, sibling/parent, sibling/grandchild, or partner/child. The death of my father three decades after losing my beloved sisters Margie and Jane, triggered feelings I kept dormant. When Margie and Jane died, I didn’t know what grief was. Siblings are the forgotten mourners and take on the role of caretakers. I fast tracked life, ignoring my own grief. I don’t recall Margie and…

    Caring for Surviving Siblings

    Caring for Surviving Siblings  A decade ago, I was fortunate to meet Heidi Horsley, a fellow surviving sibling and philanthropist. We bonded immediately. After years of being alone in my grief, I was grateful to connect with individuals who understand, are compassionate, speak the same language, and are members of the same club. Thanks to Heidi, who is executive director of Open to Hope, this year marks a decade of me contributing articles for this website. Writing became a vital…

    How Many Siblings Do You Have?

    How Many Siblings Do You Have? "How many siblings do you have?" It is a dreaded question asked of many a surviving sibling. When I'm asked, my heart thumps out of my chest. I sense the heat rising on my face and struggle to breathe. How do I answer? For me, the answer has changed over time. When asked, decades after I lost my sisters, I still experience the tremor in my body. Regardless of how ready I believe myself…

    Honoring Sibling Loss

    Honoring Sibling Loss The discussion centers on the deep pain and continuing impact of losing a sibling. The conversation gathers heartfelt stories, personal reflections, and practical advice from those who have experienced such a loss. The dialogue touches on the challenges of grief, how sibling loss shapes personal identity, and ways to remember those who have passed. The speakers share how these losses have altered the course of their lives and offer inspiration for others dealing with similar emotions. Sharing…

    To Lose a Twin

    To Lose a Twin I was taken captive by life and death at the age of twenty-one. My identical twin sister Paula and I faced life together for twenty-one years. We never imagined life without the other. As twins, we had an unspoken pact to care for one another. When she died suddenly in a small plane crash, I questioned who I was in the world without her. Could I even function in life without my twin? Our losses are…

    Managing Holiday Grief

    Managing Holiday Grief It was Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend, the first Thanksgiving without my brother, just months after a drunk driver had ended his life. I needed to get some shopping done and I found myself at a mall. The instant I stepped inside, I was enveloped in holiday atmosphere. Everything shone and glittered, music rang out, scents of pine and cinnamon candles mingled with the smell of perfumes being sprayed on shoppers in the department stores. Delight hung in…

    Death of a Sister: ‘Part of My Soul Has Left Me’

    Death of a Sister I walk to your grave alone, in the cold demise of Fall.  It seems so much colder here without the comfort of knowing that you will be here to protect me in this life as you have so well.  The sky is white and endless.  The sun has been cloaked by the cryptic fog.  The leafless trees sway back and forth with the algid wind.  The ground is damp and dreary.  The world never seemed to…

    Alone with the Memories: When Your Only Sibling Dies

    Halloween When I was 9 and my sister was 12, we made the bold decision to craft The Haunted House of All Ages in our 250-square-foot living room and the 10-x-3.5-foot hallway that ran down the center of our second floor flat. It would be just for our own enjoyment: for us to build, experience and deconstruct in the sweet solace of flat and of our sisterhood. And we were democratic about the whole affair: She would adorn the front…

    Re-imagining Hope After Trauma

    Re-imagining Hope The silent voice of trauma lies idle in the body. Years of dormancy may be followed by its unexpected impact, often on the precipice of healing.  As I fought for justice in my brother’s unsolved homicide, I knew I was losing my life. Over nineteen years, that awareness never became clearer to me than the moment I learned I had breast cancer.  My fight for justice, which ushered in the decline of my health, also initiated a creative…

    Grief Can Surface Any Time

    Grief Can Surface Any Time Denial of grief is common and misunderstood. Grief can wait in the wings for a time to surface, when you are better prepared to absorb its lessons. It can be triggered by other losses. Left undone, grief can wreak havoc with your ability to enjoy life and feel positive emotions. Grief has no time frame. It can be postponed, but never put away. My identical twin sister Paula Pountney died unexpectedly as her small plane…