Brother Struggles to Say Something as Sister is Dying

    Michael writes in: My sister is dying of breast cancer. I don't know how to be with her. I want to say something but so far I only speak to myself. John Pete resonds: Hi Michael. It can be very difficult to be with someone who is dying and we often try too hard to think of the "right" things to say or do. It can help to think about how you would want to be treated in their situation. Dying is not…

    Caretakers: Dealing With Our Own Needs

    I've been a bedside volunteer for more than five years, sitting with dying patients and their families once or twice a week for up to four continuous hours. Sometimes I stay with patients overnight. Regardless of how demanding my responsibilities are, I know that when I leave the bedside, I'll have to take three to six days to "recover." It's a time to prepare myself for the next week's bedside activities that can range from conversing about life to witnessing…

    How to Help a Child After a Younger Sibling Dies

    Most children who have a sibling die due to a pregnancy loss or stillbirth, or in the first few months of life, will experience a grief reaction.  However, often times, their grief is overlooked or discounted. Parents may be so overwhelmed by their own grief that they are unable to assist their children with their issues. Parents often ask me "Will my child be negatively affected by the death of their baby sibling?"  I have to say the answer to…

    How Does Early Death of Sister Affect Adult Siblings?

    Question from TK: My sister and I lost an infant sister in an accident when we were 2 and 5, respectively. Now, 40 years later, I'm struggling to understand how our sister's death affected us. Outwardly, we are successful with loving spouses and children. Yet there is still a void. Sometimes I think it's silly to wonder how an event that happened at the edge of our memories could affect our lives today - but when I think of how…

    How Does Sibling-Loss Affect One’s Parenting?

    By Elizabeth Devita-Raeburn -- If you poke around in sibling loss literature, one unanswered question you come across is--does losing a sibling make sibling survivors more or less likely to have children? And do they tend to have "extra" children, just in case they lose one? FYI, I don't have an answer to this. In my case, I simply had too much baggage to deal with to have children earlier in life. (I had my son, Henry, at 40.) But…

    Holden Caufield: Still relevant?

    First off, I love J.D. Salinger and all of his books. So I was surprised when, as my step-kids went through that particular reading phase in high school when they were assigned Catcher in the Rye, they reported that they kind of hated it. Whaaaat? One big problem, they said, was that they couldn't really relate to Holden, the teenage, trash-talking, car-wreck of a main character. As I thought about it, it made sense. I mean, the language is dated.…

    Farrah, Michael, Bonnie, and Denise

    By Michelle Linn-Gust -- When I found out that Farrah Fawcett had anal cancer, I was taken back to the cancer of my friend, Bonnie, who died 3 1/2 years ago. I was with Bonnie almost every day, as long as I was in town, until her death a few months later. Today is my 10th wedding anniversary and it was Bonnie who sewed my wedding dress. Bonnie had the same cancer as Farrah. I had a Farrah haircut in…

    Helping Your Child Cope With Loss

    By Lauren Littauer Briggs -- By the time I was eight, my first brother had died and my second was diagnosed with the same fatal condition.  My great-grandmother had died, but I wasn't allowed at the funeral.  Instead, I peeked through the heating ducts to watch what was going on.  My dog was given away with little explanation and my second brother was placed in a children's home where he could receive the medical attention he needed.  I never saw…

    Getting Through Multiple Loses

    by Harriet Hodgson, Search the Internet, browse a bookstore, and you find hundreds of books about grief. You will find personal stories, tributes to the deceased, grief poetry, text books, work books, and memory books. When I looked for a book about coping with multiple losses I could not find what I needed. As it turned out, friends were my "book" and they comforted me in many ways. Though I remember little about 2007, I remember it as the year…

    Memorial Day: When You Lose a Sibling in War

    A sibling relationship should be a lifelong friendship, but for those losing a brother or sister who served in the military, the pain and sorrow can be overwhelming. Adult siblings left behind must contend with their own grief and shock, adjust to an altered family structure and assume new responsibilities. To help brothers and sisters cope, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, TAPS held its first weekend retreat for siblings in 2008. The retreat was modeled after the organization’s regional…