Poem: A Thousand Words

    Your eyes follow me everywhere Never breaking their gaze. When I look into them I’m lost and in a daze. Your eyes always speak to me Sending a loving message From the heavenly kingdom You’re now rejoicing in. Your eyes follow me everywhere Never breaking their gaze. They sparkle with a smile Setting my tear drops ablaze. Your pictures are everywhere Because of my undying love. You’re my mother and father That I wished I could hug. Pictures speak a…

    Without My Twin: Reflections On A Road Traveled

    A new twin joined our twinloss Yahoo group. He has recently lost his twin. I related to his words about how we draw strength from our connection to our twin. The intrinsic nature of twin connectedness was made clearer for me. It is this connection or bond that when severed, brought in the feelings of aloneness like none I have ever known. With facing my grief and learning to reach out in trust to others, this aloneness has changed to…

    The Role of Ritual Following a Major Loss

    Several years ago, I was watching news coverage following the crash of a passenger plane that killed all on board. The plane actually crashed into the ocean so over the next few days, survivor families gathered at the shore nearest to where the plane had gone down to gather information, comfort one another, and engage in memorial rituals. Some family members chartered helicopters to fly over the actual crash site; many survivors participated in impromptu candlelight vigils; literally hundreds joined…

    Honor the Deceased, Even if Relationship Was Broken

    When my brother died in the spring of 2007, I barely had time to mourn him. Our elder daughter -- mother of our twin grandchildren -- had died four months earlier. My father-in-law died the same weekend and we were swamped with tasks. We were also doing all we could to nurture our grandchildren -- children who were now without a mother. Grief was still raw when my brother had a heart attack and died. Apparently, he had survived cancer…

    Hanging Up the Holiday Blues

    I believe, maybe because it helps me heal, that my brother would want me to enjoy the holidays.  His car accident was in December almost 15 years ago, and that December date catches up with me each year.  I start to hide from the world around mid-November. I want to sleep more. I blink back tears watching sappy commercials. I don't feel like working or working out at the gym. It happens right on cue every year, but it took me…

    Helping the Grieving Child in School

    Children’s grief should be seen as an ongoing life process that is approachable through words, activities and non-verbal communication. Educators can use this understanding to create a safe environment for parents, teachers and children to acknowledge and process difficult feelings. So often adults rely on the prevailing myth that children are too young too grieve. When a child is capable of loving, he is capable of grieving. Yet many of today’s children are born into a world of grief issues…

    Grief and Loss During the Holidays

    When I lost my brother it was early summer time. The flowers were out, the heat hadn’t magnetized and yet I could find beauty in nothing. I felt like I was never going to get over the pain from his death. In some ways I felt paralyzed, almost not feeling at all, from fear that if I did feel I would never come back. The pain ebbed and flowed but the pain was most intense during the holidays. I dreaded…

    Christmas ‘Gifts’ Never the Same After Sister’s Death

    Nothing that can be wrapped in a box could ever compare to the “gift” of my older sister, Dawn.  I still miss her keenly around the holidays, but I am thankful that she was a part of my childhood.  Today, as Christmas approaches, holiday memories poignantly remind me of how love, life and loss can redefine the true meaning of “Christmas gifts.” Christmas was always a formal affair in my home growing up. We took turns opening gifts one at…

    Poem: I Salute You

    I Salute You A little boy Taken by the hand, His father said You will be a soldier, A man. Sent away To a distant land, He fought with courage To prove to his father He can. He flew with the best, Killed with Tears in his eyes, Until the day He too would die. Far away, Killed in action, Body never recovered His father’s words Never delivered. Son, I’m proud of you, For the sacrifices you made, As a…

    Siblings of Military Casualties Offered Help

    A sibling relationship should be a lifelong friendship, but for those losing a brother or sister who served in the military, the pain and sorrow can be overwhelming. Adult siblings left behind must contend with their own grief and shock, adjust to an altered family structure and assume new responsibilities. To help brothers and sisters cope, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, TAPS held its first weekend retreat for siblings in 2008. The retreat was modeled after the organization’s regional…